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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

it's a sort of children at weddings thread [wink]

17 replies

wannaBe · 10/04/2011 12:38

Dh's cousin (who I have incidentally never met) is getting married later this year. As they have a very small family, our not going to the wedding would be very noticeable.

So last week we received an invitation addressed to dh, me and ds. Circumstances permitting we would probably have gone.

Then yesterday we received a new invitation addressed to just me and dh. So it appears that ds has been uninvited. I have no idea why, and we are not on such terms with these people that we could ring them and ask (although dh says he will ask FIL to ask).

Just for the record, I have no issue with child-free weddings, I had a child-free wedding, and can see why people want them/can't afford to invite a lot of children etc.

But ibu to think it really rude to invite someone and then uninvite them?

As it happens, ds read both invites, so he knows that he's not invited when first he was. He's not bothered as such - he has never met these people. but he did say "mummy, that's really rude isn't it?"

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 10/04/2011 12:39

Oh how weird

Maybe they forgot they had already sent an invite?!

timeforachangearooney · 10/04/2011 12:40

is it not strange to be invited to a wedding where you don't even know the bride and groom well enough to ring them and ask them what invite is meant for you?

gorionine · 10/04/2011 12:40

say you only received the first one and were not aware ds was not invited?

TBH if the invite was not specifically saying "no children" if the invite was made tpo me and dddh I would assume it includes the children.

gorionine · 10/04/2011 12:42

ok, let's try this one again:

TBH if the invite was not specifically saying "no children" and was made to me and dh I would assume it includes the children.

Knackeredmother · 10/04/2011 12:44

I was a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding. Dd was invited. 2 months before the wedding was uninvited.
We have no one to have our children so dh had to pull out. She was then reinvited but we had to bring sandwiches for her as no meal was provided!!

ENormaSnob · 10/04/2011 12:44

It is rude.

Are they for different parts of the day?

Tbh I tend to decline if I don't know them that well.

Knackeredmother · 10/04/2011 12:46

Forgot to say yanbu it's rude

Original poster

wannaBe · 10/04/2011 12:46

Well dh has never been close to this aunt tbh, but in her family there is basically just FIL and his brother and then dh and sil which is presumably why we have been invited.

They came to our wedding but we haven't seen them since (and we have been married for nearly twelve years), which is tbh why I'm not bothered either way.

It was more the invite and then the second invite which I thought was odd. The first invite was very specifically addressed to all three of us by name and similarly the second invite.

Am fine with just dh going by himself (he does sort of feel we should go as it's family, how ever distant). We will be living away from any overnight childcare by then so either ds goes or both or one of us doesn't.

OP posts:

Original poster

wannaBe · 10/04/2011 12:48

nope invite for the whole wedding.

OP posts:

ChaoticAngelofDenial · 10/04/2011 12:50

I have no problem with child free weddings so long as the bride and groom don't throw a tantrum if someone declines because they don't want to go without their children. However, inviting someone and then uninviting them is rude so YANBU.

Etiquette states that those who are named on the invite are the ones who are invited. If your name isn't on the invite then you're not invited.

BigHairyGruffalo · 10/04/2011 12:56

I think Chaotic sums up the whole children/invites/etiquette protocol perfectly!

ZacharyQuack · 10/04/2011 12:58

Can you just pretend that you didn't receive the second invite and RSVP that all three of you would be delighted to attend?

blackeyedsusan · 10/04/2011 13:07

do what zachary says.. it is certainly a bit odd

MillsAndDoom · 10/04/2011 13:16

Rude to uninvite

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 10/04/2011 13:27

If dh wants to go and it's easier for you all to go together, I'd just reply to the first invite, If they are being awkward enough to univite your ds I would make them do it in person

But then again I'm packing to go away today (job I hate!) so may be a little more blunt than usual!

clam · 10/04/2011 13:44

Can your DH really not phone up and say to his cousin, "Thanks for the invite, but we're bit confused, as we received two. Which is the "real" one?"

Or just reply to the first one saying "Mr and Mrs Wanabee and junior are pleased to accept......blahdiblah" and then let ^them6 agonise over what to do about that. And make sure you take the invite with you to the wedding in case some bouncer tries to bar you from entry!

SillyHat · 10/04/2011 14:11

I would be tempted to get two reply cards and post them both back one day apart - will have to be quick though! The first one accepting for all three of you and the second one either accepting for both of you or a regret.

Yes, it was rude. YANBU.

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