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to be shared shitless about relocation and giving up my job?

5 replies

rubyblue · 09/04/2011 14:17

DH has possibility of new job in South East, it would be a good move for him as he is unhappy in current role and travelling loads at moment. But, I have a job which I like, pays ok, flexible part-time work, good organisation, pension etc etc although if we moved DH would nearly be earning both our salaries currently. Kids are in a great nursery too. So, relocating would mean resigning from my job and living off his salary (which I am so nervous about as we've kept separate accounts as well as joint).
My family is here and I have a wide circle of friends, but the move would be closer to his family and we get along with them really well. I guess I'm nervous about finding a new job, new friends, financial independence if I have to live off his salary. Sometimes I'm excited about a new start but mostly really scared. We have a lovely house here too and would be trading down as new location much more expensive.
Anyone done this and can give me advice please?

OP posts:

ContraryMartha · 09/04/2011 15:53

I started a semi-similar topic over in chat.

holds ruby's hand


Nevin · 09/04/2011 16:03

After weighing up all pros and cons - literally write out a list, and deciding what aspects are complete dealbreakers, I would probably give it a go, but not sell the house for the first year or so (if financially possible), and rent it out instead. That way, if things don't work out, you have a retreat plan in place, IYSWIM?

Is it possible to move 'half way' and you could both continue to work? Obviously depends on distance, no-one wants a 6 hour commute!


babybythesea · 09/04/2011 16:40

Did the exact same thing a year ago.
The thing I would say is that it takes longer to settle in than you think. I stupidly thought I'd have my life back after a few months. I had been in my previous location for 11 years, and had had my dd when loads of others at work had theirs - she was one of 10 babies born within a two year gap. I mostly socialised with people from work anyway and suddenly we all wanted to do family barbeques on the beach rather than clubs in town - it was perfect. We swapped kids depending on who was working or who needed an hour for a dental appt. But my husband wasn't happy at work and eventually it got so bad I agreed to move.
It's bloody hard going. I was lonely for a lot of the first few months - and I found that suddenly not having anyone to call and go for a coffee with was tough, as was not being able to call someone and say 'I feel ill - can you help by taking dd for an hour or so?'. I know most people don't have this anyway - but I did have and left it behind, and it really underlined my loneliness. I went to toddler groups and found that people chatted loads when there but getting to the next stage was hard - everyone said 'bye then, see you next week'. I have swallowed pride and said on a few occasions 'Look, I don't know anyone, do you fancy meeting for coffee at some stage?' I've made one quite good friend like that!
But, my dh is much much happier and a better dad as a result, and I am gradually finding my way through it and am even looking forward to summer!
So if you do go, give it time. And be bold - find the groups, join the classes and announce you need friends. It's hard work but I'm glad we've done it.


giantpurplepeopleeater · 09/04/2011 16:50

I have done this, and have to admit that 5 years later we have moved back to area where family is, as we really wanted to be closer. However it was a good five years and we had lots of fun. We didn't have kids at the time though.

It's scary but can be well worth it - and not at all irreversible if you find its not for you. Settling in takes a long time and a lot of effort in the first year, but once you find your feet it can be great.

A bit like when you first have babies - you need to get into clubs, activities etc to meet people. Also if you have any hobbies or can take up something to get to know people in your area.


fedupofnamechanging · 09/04/2011 17:04

Personally, in your position I wouldn't do it. I think you are giving up a lot, for not much in return. It doesn't really matter if your DH will be earning what you both are earning now, if it doesn't give you a higher standard of living. Downgrading your house, losing out on your job (with its pension) and leaving your family and friends is not an improvement to your quality of life.

Everything is expensive in the SE. The other thing you need to consider are nursery fees (which will cost more) and the availability of good schools. I know people in the SE who did not get their first or even second choice of school for their DC.

The other thing to bear in mind is that no one has job security anymore. How will you feel if you make this move and it all goes tits up with your husbands job and you are stuck with no income. Where you are at the moment, you have 2 incomes, which spreads the risk a bit.

Sorry, I know I sound very negative, but I don't think you can do this just for your husband. It has to work for you and the DC too.

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