Which way should I go

[Mermaid2]

I have a friend of about 4 years (a school Mum) and we have grown reasonably close over the last few years, been camping together etc and kids are good mates. HOWEVER, she has virtually no self confidence and from what I can see no other real friends. I try so hard to be there for her but she doesn't seem to want to know.

I always seem to be the one instigating things and quite frankly have enough going on in my life without having to worry about her. I've reached an age when I want to be around people that make me feel positive and happy not drained, which is what I feel when I see her.

I am a very loyal person and keep my friends close but she is so hard, the last straw is my birthday celebations tomorrow we going out and she's known about it for ages, now she's close to blowing me out and in a way I'm relieved as I won't have to make sure she's having fun.

Does this make me a bad person?

Oh that's sad.

I know what you mean about having friends who blow you out - I have a few of them myself. (Sometimes they make the arrangements and then flake out! )

I just kind of get on with things, text them a couple of times a week, call now and again, Stay In Touch. I think there's usually a reason when people are flakey and I like them to know I'm still there IYKWIM?

I don't think it makes me or you bad people.

Erm.... well you don't sound like a very nice person from your post, but maybe you have mis-represented yourself.

I think you might be over-thnking things. You invited her - she comes / she doesn't come shouldn't matter to you.

Of course it matters! Otherwise why would anyone invite anyone to anything?

(I've been to that party, actually)

Blimey SGZ, that's a bit harsh, I have been a very good friend to her and will continue to do so, its just that I cannot get thru to her, she has her own issues of which I am aware and take that into consideration.

I did invite her and was prepared for her to not come and yet it DOES matter to me as she never goes out literally and I want her to have fun and become the person she has been and could be.

I won't bother posting again

No Mermaid, it does not make you a bad person. There's only so much effort one person can reasonably be expected to make. Have a and celebrate your birthday.

Mermais - don't be daft - you've had one BRILLIANT post (from me) and one which wasn't quite so brilliant.

Grip up lassie!

Hmmm... I had a friend who was an emotional vampire. It is incredibly difficult to sustain a relationship with someone who saps your energy. My friend made me feel crap about myself, and although she had ishoos, she was a prize cow. So I cut her off.

You can only offer so much emotional investment, I think. Depends on how you want to handle her - a bit more detail?

That person sounds like me. You want to go to social occasions but having low self confidence makes you think otherwise. I wouldnt write her off, just realise it might be a bad day for her and she is not up to it. Dont take it personally. Enjoy your day.

Don't be leaving your thread after one not wholey positive (but in no way flaming) post, I don't mean this unkindly, but what did you expext? Everyone to agree with you? hahahaha

Perhaps your friend isn't bothered by not having a heap of friends, it's possible she could see you as pushy and feels obliged to see you more than she would choose to?

Why do you feel responsible for her happiness rates?

I know it's polite to make sure people are happy if they're visiting, but if it's stressing you out you're worrying about it too much.