to feel upset when it is referred to as a chemical pregnancy

[mumtoabeautifulbabyboy]

OK, first post in AIBU and I am prepared for a flaming - feeling a bit reckless!

Just feeling a bit gutted at the moment. We have a gorgeous, adorable 19 month old and have been ttc for a few months. This month I tested at 4+ 3 days (after af was due). Got a positive pregnancy test. I then did about 4 tests per day as I couldn't beliveve our luck (no exaggeration). Was soooo happy imagining our little christmas baby daughter or son.

Anyway, after 4 day of positives, yesterday af came - I did another digital test and got a 'not pregnant'. Was ok about his as I know it's early days etc - hadn't told anyone. gutted, but ok.

Was meant to be visiting sil this weekend but didn't really feel up to it as I've had such a week of it with being soo happy then feeling down... DH (I didn't know) told Sil #9his sister) what had happened and she replied that I was being ridiculous, it wasn't a real pregnancy only a chemical and that I needed to get over myself.

Was upset that DH told me all this, but more gutted about what she said. AIBU to feel upset even though it was a chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage?

mumtoabeautiful baby boy. you have lost a pregnancy, one way or another. it is painful, it is upsetting and your sil was insensitive cow.

YANBU it is still a horrible experience.

I had one last year and then the very next month was pregnant and had my beautiful DS. I have PCOS too. It was a bit nerve wracking as I had no period in between so didn't really know what was going on. I don't know if saying that helps but I just wanted to show that you can be fertile again straight away. Good luck.

I know what you mean tatty but I heard a woman on the radio talking about the subject a while ago who said that so many more women are now upset about chemical pregnancies because they can see that little window of hope. And that actually if you weren't able to test that early, you would never know (because your period would start) and that's better than thinking that was a pregnancy that was going to go somewhere when it never had the chance.

yanbu and I don't even know what a chemical pregnancy is but sounds like you deserved a bit of TLC

i don't really understand the definition of a chemical pregnancy, sorry.
I'm guessing it's a BFP which disappears early because of a miscarriage
But I have had 2 very early miscarriages, so could possible qualify, so to speak.
If anyone dared try to dismiss the heartache that they caused I would be very unhappy.
Anyone close to me, ie family, I would be devastated.

mumtoabeautifulbabyboy, i understand the wanting to test early to figure out what's going on. the second time, I knew it was a miscarriage, and I could have just stayed at home and let nature take its course, but I went to the hospital, so they could register it, and then hopefully I could get some tests. if something is going wrong, you feel the need to try and understand why.
I'm really sorry she was unsympathetic, does your DH understand? Is he giving you support?

A chemical pregnancy is one where there is a fertilised egg but it fails to implant properly and so you get a period a couple of days late. 50-60% of conceptions fail like that so it's a really bad way (to my mind) of checking your body's ability to carry a pregnancy to term. Unless you're actively ttc, most women aren't aware of chemical pregnancies. That's why I hate early tests.

exhausted, a chemical pregnancy is one that generally happens before the 5th week of pregnancy, usually your 'period' is only a couple of days late. It's 'chemical' because there would be nothing on an ultrasound. It doesn't get that far, no gestational sac for example. When you see the sac on an ultrasound the pregnancy changes from 'chemical' to 'clinical'. So basically the sperm meets the egg and hcg is produced but it doesn't result in a viable pregnancy and resolves within days.

Early testing is so difficult. Because the technology's there. Tatty I agree with you. I always test early in the same way that I find out the gender. If the information is available to me, I seize it. And I accept the bad alongside the bad. I've had a cp and know that it's my choice to test early.

I think what is needed here is informed consent. Some stats being published in the information leaflet (or even on the box) about the viabilty of fertilisation and the ramifications of knowing.

For the technology to exist and be licenced for use, but to not be made available is infantisation of potential parents. Let them decide whether or not early testing is a good idea, I say - but let them know the risks of "knowing"...

I agree Tatty. In theory. Although I suspect most people don't read the box!

thanks for the explanations, so the op definitely deserved TLC

yanbu OP, very heartless comment of sil. It may have only been very early but still must be gutting for this to happen, I think anyone would find that upsetting. Personally I would not want to go and see sil on the weekend after that comment, would need some space from her

Thanks. Yes, I was certainly not expecting sympathy or anything - I am not daft, and do appreciate it was very early days. The aibu was to wonder if i was bu to not expect hurtful coments like ' get over herself' as if I was doing it for attention.
Obviously it is not anywhere near as bad as a 'real' miscarriage or a stillbirth but it was till abit of a rubbishy week for me. That's all.

I do really appreciate the technology we have available to us now. If it wasn't for the clearblue fertility monotor I wouldn't know that I don't ovulate naturally and so need metformin and clomid to ovulate. And I now know that if I have another early miscarriage I may have a luteal phase defect that can also be treated.
I view myself as lucky to live in a time where technology is so advanced.

Thanks for all the suportive comments on a bit of a rough night. Will go to bed now and I'm sure that it will all look brighter in the morning.
A good weekend to you all x