to think my relationship/family isn't THAT strange?

[BlueAmy]

BIL is my best friend. We have known each other for more than a decade and he is the reason his brother and I met. We go out together at least once a fortnight, for a meal or to the cinema etc, which IME are normal activities for best friends.

But for some reason, all I need to say to people is the above and I get the face.

I should mention that BIL and I were 'involved' a very long time ago, but it wasn't serious, was just a few isolated incidents and DP knows all about it (it was many years before we got together). I don't tell people this as a matter of course, so they only have my first paragraph to go on, information wise. DP is a lecturer, and sometimes works quite late, BIL often comes round and has dinner with me without DP being there. To see people's reaction to this, you'd think I'd told them I was shagging him over the dining room table!

Is it really that strange that BIL and I are that close? As I said, he is the reason DP and I are together to begin with. I'm just tired of being given the face every time this comes up.

I think it's normal/nice. AIBU?

Sorry, he has dinner with me and the DCs. Not that that should make a difference, but didn't want to drip feed! :)

i think when you describe him as BIL to start with it seems odd. as if you married first and then became close with your husband's brother.

but if you said, 'i married my best friend's brother' that wouldn't be odd..

If you are happy, and your DP is happy, and your BIL/best friend is happy with it, well then everyone else can keep there faces to themselves can't they?

No-one woud bat an eyelid if you were talking about your DP's sister instead.

Yes, I see what you mean. Normally if this comes up, it will be because I say I'm doing something with my best friend, and when the conversation comes around to me mentioning his gender, questions start being asked. It seems to be rather odd to some people that I am a) close to BIL and b) have a male best friend.

Exactly my point! It's the gender isn't it?

I feel evil now because I think I would probably raise an eyebrow if someone I didn't know well told me about a situation like yours! Although if it was my close friend, I would think I would know them well enough not to make faces! Probably because my own life is so boring I would just imagine drama where none existed

I do know what you mean though. One of my best friends is my ex's current wife. That also gets faces!

You get what I mean then Pumpkin, people are very square sometimes when it comes to boundaries.

It's not so much the curiousity that bothers me (I think that's what your raised eyebrow would be about?), it's the judgement that some people have. There are those who genuinely can't concieve of the friendship I have with BIL because they think we must be secretly sleeping together (we aren't and wouldn't) or massively upsetting DP.

FWIW, DP is happy as anything about it. As are my ILs. DP and BIL spend much more time together since DP and I got together, which is wonderful for their relationship as well.

i've got good male friends and get some faces too - but most good friends of mine are of a simlar attitude to life and friendships and gender.. it's just random acquaintances that go and i don't care what they think

You're not the only one with BIL as best/good friend....the only reason my sister met her husband is because he's one of my all time boozing buddies with whom I've shared accommodation etc etc. We know far more about each other than our respective spouses I'd suspect as our friendship stretches over 20 years (zoiks! Parks zimmer round the back of the highbacked chair). As I was shouted down for saying at the time, I always knew I'd be going to his wedding; wasn't necessarily always going to be at hers! (have been family rows at times)

Just smile, and ignore the ignorant.

You're right fluffles, and I don't really care what they think either (I'm certainly not going to change anything about my life to please them!). It's just a little unnerving when it happens so much. I realise my situation is probably not what usually happens, but I don't think it's so weird that people should feel the need to judge. I'm certainly not going to go around wearing a badge saying "I'm not sleeping with BIL" because I don't think I should have to explain my life.

My DCs love their uncle being round so often, that's another bonus. :)

Oh, I get the face too...I shared a house with my DH identical twin, long before me and Dh knew each other. I actually knew my MIL before we got together! Knew BIL for about 3 years I think, and we always got on well, were drinking buddies -But people always assume that there was something going on! Also, because they are identical, people are just bursting to ask why I don't fancy him too - it's ridiculous - they are totally different people, although they look the same, and I can see that they are both attractive, doesn't mean I am actually attracted to both of them. (and sometimes neither, when DH has just done a massive belch!)

Some people just have to see things in black and white, they can't get the hazy stuff in between, makes their brains hurt I think!

Ginga, that sounds like a lovely setup! Would you like to come and work with me and we can beat down the catsbumfaces together?

I had similar experience to missmakesstuff in that I was my BIL's lodger. He was going out with my twin at the time but she had a baby (not his) and they weren't ready to move in together.

I also knew him before my twin met him.

I have to say that we didn't get that many comments and even if we did - who cares? If people want to be small-minded let them. Your family relationships shouldn't be anyone's business.

They are now married and I enjoy telling people that I lived with him first!