To think these dark thoughts could be post natal depression?!

[jinglebelly]

I had DS 3 4 months ago, I also have DD 5 and DS 2, I am happily married and run a small internet business, I have a lot of support from DH and am very happy and content with life in general... But I am being plagued by dark thoughts of awful things happening to my children and actually have to tell my self to stop out loud sometimes. At night in bed my anxiety is worst, it is so strange and overwhelming. I had this when my other two DCs where babies but my doctor said it wasn't PND because I didn't feel depressed, I'm actually scaring myself at times, help!

Go and see another GP. PND exhibits in many ways; compulsive thoughts and anxiety being quite common (and very manageable with the right program of treatment. Are you having trouble sleeping because of these thoughts?

I think I will go and see someone, it's weird because I feel really happy and normal apart from the terrible thoughts and the anxiety at night, I don't understand where it's coming from! What treatments are there?

I didn't have PND after either of my DC, but I do know what the dark thoughts are.

It takes a while for your hormones to stop fucking you about.

When you're in bed at night you don't have any stimulation to divert you, and if you're worried about thinking about certain things you're going to return to the same every night.

I was terrified I wouldn't be 'allowed' to have two DC after waiting so long for DD2 and was convinced something was going to happen to one of them.

If you're not happy with what the doctor said I would say either go back to him again or see a different one.

It's good you recognise you're not feeling your self, have you told your DH exactly how your feeling? (and I mean not leaving the scary bits out because you didn't want to worry him) How did he react?

You may have anxiety which is a condition which is separate to depression. You might find cognitive behaviour therapy good. I have a friend with anxiety and she is on medication for it. I learnt to give myself a worry time. It's the first five minutes of my run. If I become overwhelmed by worrying I say to myself I will worry about that when I run tomorrow. It helps me switch off from it. If you are told don't think of a pink elephant it's all you can think of, it's the same when you worry if you tell yourself not to. I also kept a worry diary, where I wrote them down. After one very exhausting session of worrying I went through it and realised most of the stuff I was worrying about actually turned out okay. My anxiety is worse at night too. Try visualising a white feather being blown along the table by your breath as you breathe out slowly or get up and read. Your brain has got stuck in a rut of negative thinking and it needs to be retrained. You are not the only one who feels like this.

It sounds like tiredness coupled with 'being awake and night and mind wandering'. If I am awake at night my mind wanders and it is always onto the negative and life is full of doom and hideous illness and accident.

I have never been depressed but I do suffer very mild health anxiety which only started when my Dad died suddenly 18 months ago. I manage that ok (except when I can't sleep!). Luckily my youngest is 3 so he sleeps pretty well and therefore so do I.

I had post natel anxiety,
same as PND but I didn't get much support.
It's horrible and I hope your ok!

'same' as in just as badly in need of support.

I had terrible intrusive thoughts after having both my boys i was convinced they would be a victim of cot death i did nt sleep properly for about six months with either of them i,m not sure it was true pnd and these fears did get easier with time but hormones and traumatic labours did have a big part to play go back to your gp antdepressants may help the ssri ,s help with anxiety by the way my boys are four and nearly one and i rarely if ever get these thoughts now

Hi there, I know the feeling can be very debilitating - I agree sounds like an anxiety thing, but still think you should have a chat with the GP about it..
In my case I got it at night, felt really tired and worn out but then my brain just went into overdrive with really awful negative thoughts which did make me feel depressed! I still get it occasionally but have found if I do a bit of exercise even walking etc (hard to fit in with new babe I know!) I seemed to drop off to sleep a lot easier and didn't wake up in a sweat with these weird thoughts...good luck x

Thanks everyone, I am a bit worried if I go to the health visitor what with post natal anxiety not being well understood they might see me as an unfit mum or something, I can't help but take on board some of the horror stories you hear in the papers about women getting their children taken away from them

No you won't. You will get treatment. If you had diabeties and needed treatment you wouldn't think people would think you were an unfit mother. It is a chemical imbalance in your brain, not down to you being a crap person. Asking for help is scary, but you have already been brave admitting to yourself and us that you need help. Possibly your fear of being an unfit Mum is part of your anxiety. I'm on anti-depressants and had cbt and it has never been mentioned that I'm an unfit mother.

OP can you listen to anything in bed? A light comic novel or a comedy programme on radio (bbc iplayer - Adam and Joe podcasts on BBC6 always make me laugh). I agree with all of the posts saying go and speak to GP re anxiety so am not suggesting this as an alternative - just a stop-gap/means of relaxing yourself into sleep. Or alternatively something like a Paul McKenna self-hypnosis CD that is calming and gives you something else to focus on so you can get to sleep in a calm state? I am sure this is much more common than you think (have surprised myself in recent years from having a few panic attacks myself and know several v robust characters who have confided anxiety attacks/recurrent anxious thoughts so can affect anyone and is most definitely not weakness/failure/unfit mum - it is strong and self-aware to ask for help).