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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is dp? re. meal with dps mum

17 replies

TrinityIsABunnyMunchingRhino · 08/04/2011 18:26

we are completely useless at sorting stuff at the mo
but after a very helpful bunch of mumsnetters helped me we have decided that a meal would be very nice for dps mums birthday

but dp said 'well whos going to look after the kids?'

and I said 'oh' as I thought we would all go and he said 'well it wont be very nice for her to be worrying about the kids running about'

I went hmm ok, well you can take her out then'

I am quietly peeved and dont know if I'm being unreasonable

would it be a bit 'not very good' for dp's mum to have 4 kids 12,11,5 and 4 with her at a thai restaraunt for meal?

she is 84, cant walk far without her 'wheels'
has trouble eating sometimes (has a kink in her something...I know I'm useless)

or is dp being mean to her kids

OP posts:
Original poster
TrinityIsABunnyMunchingRhino · 08/04/2011 18:27

'the kids' I mean

OP posts:
Original poster
TrinityIsABunnyMunchingRhino · 08/04/2011 18:28

she loves the kids btw and enjoys having cuddles with them on a sunday when she visits but I guess a meal is a different environment

OP posts:
ashamedandconfused · 08/04/2011 18:28

depends on her relationship with the kids - my nan is the same age and a bit frail and she would love to go out with my kids (6,9,11) for a treat!

BlueAmy · 08/04/2011 18:30

If she loves the kids, surely she'd like to see them there. I think DP IBU. :)

ashamedandconfused · 08/04/2011 18:31

sorry trin i did not realise it was you.

the issue is she is not related to your kids then (and has not known them long?) that does make it seem different I think. But if the kids will be well behaved in that environment, i think they should be included.

Original poster
TrinityIsABunnyMunchingRhino · 08/04/2011 18:32

I just said to him fueled by ashamedandconfuseds post

'wouldn't she like to go out with the kids?'

and he looked at me and said...'its ten pound a head'...

I did say hmm well you could have said that was the reason first..humph

OP posts:
MoonGirl1981 · 08/04/2011 18:32

Why don't you cook her a nice meal in your house and have a birthday cake.?

I reckon most people (especially if she can't walk or eat very well) would perfer that - I certainly would.

NoobyHoHoHo · 08/04/2011 18:33

Well I guess it totally depends on what SHE would like. If she's the indulgent grandmotherly type who love to see the kids then your DP is BU. If she's not very well, and would find the kids taxing, which would take away her enjoyment of what is her birthday meal after all, then I see his point.

If she has problems eating sometimes she may find it embarassing to eat in front of people? Especially tact-free children?!

So, on balance YAB (a little bit) U. Talk to your DP.

issey6cats · 08/04/2011 18:33

she will probably love the kids being there does she like thai food i know my mom at 84 wouldnt, if she has trouble eating thai might be abit spicy for her

Original poster
TrinityIsABunnyMunchingRhino · 08/04/2011 18:33

cause I cant cook and I'm ashamed of the house

tbh it would be nicer for her if dp just took her out on his own

OP posts:
ashamedandconfused · 08/04/2011 18:35

ah I see, including the kids does hike the price up - we choose to go out with ours knowing that as a family of 5 its going to cost

however, we therefore go out less often just the 2 of us, so its special when we do - does that make sense?

do something cheaper if money is the issue - take away and cake at yours - would the kids bake her a cake, i bet she would LOVE that!

SecretNutellaFix · 08/04/2011 18:36

It's not as if you go out every week, though.

It's a lovely idea, see what you can work out.

Original poster
TrinityIsABunnyMunchingRhino · 08/04/2011 18:37

well we dont really ever go out for a meal so its not something we could cut down on for the cost of this

also we just dont have enough for all of us in the bank

dp is thinking of where he can take her just them

OP posts:
ashamedandconfused · 08/04/2011 18:39

all the 84 yr olds i know have quite set/bland tastes - how about a carvery - they generally do an OAP sized portion too?

or take her out for a cream tea?

NoobyHoHoHo · 08/04/2011 18:40

The weather is supposed to be nice - how about a lovely picnic in the park, with lots of nice nibbles? The kids can play and she can watch, have lots of nice food, and have plenty of time to chat with your DP.

Original poster
TrinityIsABunnyMunchingRhino · 08/04/2011 18:41

oooh cream tea at a local garden centre sounds like good idea

he;s mulling it over Grin

thanks everyone

OP posts:
grovel · 08/04/2011 19:01

My MiL (lovely) was very honest on this subject. In the summer she wanted nothing more than a pub lunch (pub had to have a garden) or a picnic with all DGCs there. In winter (eating indoors) she found it very tiring trying to converse (only very slight deafness) with DGCs in a crowded restaurant and preferred to eat out with her sons and DiLs without children present.

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