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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to put my MIL in her place?

8 replies

mamamona · 08/04/2011 18:11

I'm 33 weeks pregnant, Indian, and have a terribly traditional MIL who lives in Kenya, who claims she is very 'modern.'

This is not a MIL bashing post, she's actually quite lovely, but recently has been always asking how her 'grandson' is doing which is really starting to piss me off. Its a verrrry old and outdated tradition in Indian culture that it makes the family happier to have boys rather than girls, and I'm really surprised that she keeps asking this.

Her daugther, my SIL, has two sons and she never fails to mention it amongst family that she has two sons. My SIL recognises that its a bit weird and always confronts her mum saying that if she had two daughters would she not be as proud or what?! So when yesterday over the phone she asked how her grandson was doing I told her, well I don't really know, you're gonna have to call up your daughter and ask her for yourself! When she asked why, I said, well, you're are asking about your grandson aren't you? She said yes, so I said well call her up and see what your grandsons are up to, it would be nice for her to know you are asking about her children. She then said no, no I meant about your child. To which I replied, well we don't know if its a boy or a girl, it could be a girl as well! I think she then got the message and said 'Well, yes, yes, it could be a girl and you know we don't mind whatever you have', I then gave the phone to my husband, totally miffed, because I don't think she really meant what she said, was she making excuses because she got caught out, or AIBU to be pissed off about this? Should I just put it down to her being set in her ways, because apart from this, she's a very kind and sweet natured person. I just thought that this whole gender discrimination thing was over with and I never thought that I would have to deal with it in my own family.

OP posts:
mamamona · 08/04/2011 18:14

forgot to add... we didn't actually find out the sex of the baby at our 20 week scan, we wanted to keep it a surprise...

OP posts:
ScarlettWalking · 08/04/2011 18:19

It really would hack me off but if it was the only thing and she had many other redeeming features I would probably leave it.

Awful attitude though..

fluffles · 08/04/2011 18:19

well done for making the point. sorry to hear you're having to deal with this but i'm glad you're pulling your MIL up on it. well done. it seems to be really deeply culturally embedded.

MrsSnow · 08/04/2011 18:25

I don't think this counts as MIL bashing for the sake of it.

You did the right thing, and its good that you did that before the baby was born.

LucyGoose · 08/04/2011 18:32

Eeek, cultural stuff like this from an older generation is always hard and its very hard to understand how they could still be doing this - so you are being completely reasonable to remind her. It seems you dealt with it as best you could, and yes, she got caught out in her trying to back track.

mamamona · 08/04/2011 18:34

Thanks ladies, I do feel quite bad because other than that I can't really complain about anything else. I told my husband about it, he was there when I said it, and he didn't mind that I'd said it.

Do you think I should carry on with this approach if she brings it up again. (I secretly really hope now that I have a girl though!)

OP posts:
springydaffs · 08/04/2011 19:41

Cultural things eh Confused

You did well I think and, if she does it again (though I'm not sure she will tbh), do it again - or variations thereof. Don't get mad though, she probably means well.

giveitago · 08/04/2011 19:57

Mamanona - my mum is Kenyan Indian (my dad english) and I've gotta say even though I'm 43, my mum now ignores me point blank and is more than obsessed with ds.

I'm so happy that they have a great relationship (ds worships her and she him) but I, as her daughter, don't get much of a look in and I really miss her.

You were right to put mil in her place. I always thought my mum was the most right on person I knew until we discovered I was a having a boy child.

So, when you give birth please ensure she's not coming to stay for like 6 months?

BTW my mum also assumed I was having a boy.

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