to be appalled by DH's insensitivity FFS

[drivingmecrackers]

DH is organising a stag do, so lots of emails going back & forth. Gets an email from one stag (a good friend of his) tonight saying that his mum had died at the w/e. So DH rings said stag (me thinking it's to give his condolences), stag not answering so DH leaves message

"Hi X, it's X, hope you're well, obviously sorry to hear about your mum, it must be a difficult time for you (all this was said in a matter of fact almost blaze tone of voice), but onto lighter things, the stag do, it would be great to get your input blah blah, give me a call tonight or during the day tomorrow blah blah"

I was horrified. Is it a bloke thing? If I was his mate I would be so insulted & would want to deck him one. Am and have namechanged because I am so embarrassed

Blimey. How idiotic can a man get?! But another one here who agrees it's not a man thing, just a thoughtless person thing.

Good he's trying to make amends though.

Maybe death is something that really scares him and so being lighthearted was the only way DH could handle it? Or does he not have a good relationship with his own mum so doesn't think others would either?

I think there are elements of truth in a lot of things posters have said

1. he felt awkward, wanted to get off the subject asap
2. he has luckily never lost anyone very close to him
3. his relationship with his parents is er, strange. They see each other a lot but there's not much affection (definitely not physical anyway - I have never seen him give his mum a hug ), there's something a bit formal about them. It's just odd (to me) and difficult to explain
4. the words just came out & he didn't think (this isn't the first time)

To the person who asked if the stag was the groom, no, it's not.
I also don't think he thought 'ooh, the good thing for stag is for me to be as normal as possible and talk about stag do', he just didn't think at all..

I think doing what he did was better than doing nothing. He said sorry and then he carried on as normal which is what my mum if she died would want me to do and what I would want my children to do. Actually I think he handled in quite well - immediately drawing his mate back into the fold of normality.

he got answerphone panic.

forgive him, at least he's trying to talk to his friend and not just blank him because it's a tricky subject.

I can see where some posters are coming from but it was only at the weekend, if he'd added something about when he's ready or acknoledge he'll probably have loads to sort out this week then maybe. Really glad he sent the email. It is hard and the main thing is he did call him. Most people didn't call me when dad died, it was very lonely.

He should have left another message apologising, not sent an email. Emails might not be checked and as he has upset him by phone he should apologise by phone.

exactly my thoughts LoveBeingKnockedUp

Maybe it a real insight into his feelings for his mum?