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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel like my 5yr old is harder work than normal?

23 replies

MerryMarigold · 07/04/2011 21:28

...his behaviour at school, particular in the afternoons, has been bad. I took him off school dinners, thinking maybe he wasn't eating them, and have given him packed lunch. I always put things he likes in there.

  • He ate one quarter of a sandwich on Tues and then ate the whole thing after school. He was caught eating his lunch during school in the pm today as he had not eaten it at lunch.
  • He won't talk to me about school at all. I know this is fairly normal, but when you are trying to discover why you're child won't eat lunch, in a casual, chatty manner...
  • He lost his library book this week (just left it somewhere in school, not in bag, where every other child puts theirs)
  • He lost his water bottle today. No idea where it could be.

I am letting off steam, I know. I didn't make a big deal of any of it. Maybe I should be making more of a deal of it. I love him so much, but right now I just feel like I'm finding it hard to accept him being this way, when none of his friends have any of these issues. I don't know what I have done wrong, or what the school is doing wrong, or what he is doing wrong.

OP posts:
catchmeifyoucan · 07/04/2011 21:29

Sounds fairly normal to me. I think YABU and if you're waiting for it to improve prepare yourself for a long wait. Boys are like this, some of them even in their so called adulthoods.

AbigailS · 07/04/2011 21:32

End of Term-itis! They are all knackered after a busy term; the lighter evenings mean they are not going to sleep as early; there are 101 bugs going round. My own DC and my class are the same. They all need a good holiday, rest, fun and change of scenery from classroom. Roll of end of term! Just hope the good weather holds.

TheArmadillo · 07/04/2011 21:34

sounds normal to me (owner of 6yo boy)

  • he probably has more exciting things he wants to do at lunchtime than eat his dinner or is too busy talking/mucking about to eat any of it. It won't hurt him.
  • some kids go on endlessly about every little detail of school. Some reveal nothing. ds is of the latter kind.

-losing things is par for the course especially at this age.

nobody's doing anything wrong - it's just the way he is and it is quite normal.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 07/04/2011 21:35

You think so? He doesn't seem tired, or obviously act tired at all... He doesn't finish till Tuesday, but I guess we can keep going till then! Thanks!

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MajorBumsore · 07/04/2011 21:38

I think he sounds completely normal. My DD 4.9 is exactly the same-but with added tantrums Confused Hmm

emmy12 · 07/04/2011 21:38

Maybe try and find out what happens at lunchtime? At my DD's (age 5) school they are sat wherever there's a spare place - so that they sometimes sit with older dcs who can be a bit unkind. Also, as soon as they've finished they can go outside to play. This means that sometimes my DD gets anxious about not being able to find her friend outside if she doesn't go with her and leaves her lunch. Re the losing things - I think fairly normal. My strategy is to check as they come out on the day and send them back in to find it. If you leave it a day it's too late and it's lost forever. But all sounds quite normal - certainly similar to our experience.

Spudulika · 07/04/2011 21:39

YABVU

But maybe my perspective is informed by having an autistic 5 year old DS who I consider has had a good day if he manages not to shout out inappropriate comments during carpet time and comes home with his shirt on right side out.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 07/04/2011 21:44

Yes well, he does come home with his jumper on the wrong way round EVERY time after PE. And most days shoes are on the wrong feet. And the other day he came home with one of his shoes, and one of someone else's (2 left feet!!! Was hilarious actually). And he is sent out of the class a lot for not listening in carpet time.

But he has no apparent reason.

I have tried to probe the lunch thing over a period of a month...

Tried to find things today as we left school, but no sign...was like getting blood out of a stone to find out where he usually keeps his lunch bag when lunch is over Hmm - in fact, I don't think I even managed that. He just refuses to talk about lunch.

OP posts:
ChristinedePizan · 07/04/2011 21:48

This sounds slightly bizarre but what I have found works very well if I want to get my DS (4) to talk is to put a towelling glove puppet on when he is in the bath (said glove puppet has a name and talks in an accent). My DS tells the glove puppet loads of things that he absolutely refuses to tell me about, even though he is quite aware the glove is on my hand and it's me talking.

Could be worth a go?

Feel free to disregard as totally insane though :o

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 07/04/2011 21:49

Oooh, that's a good one. Have to try that one...we have a glove puppet, Brian the Lion!

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Skinit · 07/04/2011 21:50

Could he be having some trouble? Disapearing items and not eating at lunchtime could point to bullying...

Beamur · 07/04/2011 21:51

Love the glove puppet!
My DD will talk when she wants to but otherwise, simply looks at me and tells me she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. End.

emmy12 · 07/04/2011 21:52

Yes we get the jumper the wrong way round after PE and sometimes tights over the top of PE shorts with a skirt on top. I was thinking maybe ask other parents about lunchtime or the teacher. Mine is quite talkative about what's gone on in the day but is getting less so the more nosey I become. She is also a non listener on the carpet and "unwilling to share her weekend news" according to her report. That might be because we don't do much at the weekend - seems to be tidying up and getting the washing done here as we're both at work in the week. But I know mine isn't the only one who has been upset by older dcs at the table - I've seen others talking to the teacher about it. Not really bullying, just teasing I suppose but a bit scary for a 5 yr old and enough to make them not bother about lunch and clear off.

MCos · 07/04/2011 22:16

DD2 has just turned 7.

She often 'doesn't get time' to eat lunch. My understanding -she is too busy socializing. She used to fall apart as soon as I collected her, whinging, complaining, crying, etcc. She now eats a huge breakfast and that seems to help her as she is much happier on pick-up.
I am still concerned that she isn't drinking enough during the day- as her water bottle sometimes is barely touched. When this happens I insist on her having a large glass of water when she gets home.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 07/04/2011 22:21

Thanks MCos. He does eat a big breakfast. And does require a snack IMMEDIATELY after school! I guess I should just stop worrying the days he doesn't eat. Sometimes he eats all his lunch. But the lack of eating and the losing things/ being sent out of class, seem to coincide, which is why I worry about the eating. I guess I think if he eats, everything will be ok!

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dexifehatz · 07/04/2011 22:52

Bloody hell I read this and thought I'd written it! My DS5 is behaving exactly the same.I agree it could be tiredness,but also I thought it may be because they have been discussing going up into the next class in September and 'I don't like change mom' nearly had me in tears! All the teachers are fab though so I know he'll be fine.

dexifehatz · 07/04/2011 22:56

Christine- my son has Mousey,his imaginary friend who appears whenever my son's feeling upset or sad [or happy,excited!] Mousey is a useful barometer for my sons emotional temperature!!!

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 08/04/2011 14:05

dexi, 'glad' your son is like this too. Why are they talking about September now? It's the beginning of April. April- Sept, that's like a year to a child! Ds1 also has an imaginary friend called Arnold, but he hasn't been round for a while. He did move to Australia at one point! Arnold always wants the same things ds1 does!

OP posts:
altinkum · 08/04/2011 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DooinMeCleanin · 08/04/2011 14:14

He is the male version of 7yo dd1. I did eventually get an explanation as to why she doesn't eat her lunch. She is too busy talking and by the time she realises lunch is nearly over she is out of time. It also doesn't help that she is a very slow eater and her friends are not. In the time it takes them to eat all their lunh dd1 has managed half a sarnie.

I gave up on the healthy lunch boxes and she gets quick to eat high cal stuff for lunches now. Usually sarnie, crisps, full fat yoghurt, banana.

I've given up on her ever owning a water bottle. We buy bottled water from the shop and the rare occassions she manages to remember where it is and bring it home we refill it with tap water.

I've also given up on replacing missing PE kit until the end of each term, then she has to make do with cheap stuff.

EndangeredSpecies · 08/04/2011 14:32

He sounds lovely tbh. This is what my five year old did this week:

  • ran across a car park without looking after being told 2 seconds before to hold my hand
  • 2 days later ran away from me into the school garden
  • completely refused to eat his dinner 3 out of 5 times
  • went shopping for shoes, rejected four pairs for being too uncomfy then said yes the fifth pair fitted just fine, then we get home and he refuses point blank to wear them
  • deliberately poked a hole in his last remaing pair of un-patched trousers
  • other naughty stuff I can't remember, there's so much of it.

Suggestions on a postcard please.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/04/2011 16:52

DS1 7yrs keeps asking for a smaller packed lunch because eating gets in the way of his playing time Hmm.

We have a mailing list for the Yr3 parents and there are regular "have you seen xxx's jumper/coat/lunchbag" emails.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 08/04/2011 17:01

Well today he ate 10 grapes for lunch. His favourite sandwiches (tuna) were untouched, as was his popcorn, which he was thrilled about in the morning! I mean, what can be more exciting that eating popcorn? Surely not playing Star Wars!

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