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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go to this christening?

16 replies

JosieRosie · 07/04/2011 19:39

DP and I have been invited to a christening on Sunday. Mum is a colleague of mine who I like very much - her twin boys are 3 months old. Wouldn't normally go to a christening but she invited us a few weeks ago and I really like her and am in favour of anything that celebrates these (much-longed-for) babies, so replied that we would be there...

Well, I have had a HELLISH week at work, which I won't go into here, but it has been the hardest and most depressing of my 10 year career. I really feel like I need a weekend of not very much at all. There will be several work people at the christening, one of whom I would rather not see as I'm quite hacked off with her (work-related stuff). Have hardly seen DP all week and could really do with some quality time together and having a full weekend of recovery.

I'm really feeling like I don't want to go to this christening. I have bought a gift of course and would pop round next week to give it to the babies' mum, along with a bottle of wine to apologise for late cancellation. However, am feeling guilty about even thinking this. What would you do?? And am feeling extremely tired and emotional, so please be gentle with me. TIA Grin

OP posts:
Panzee · 07/04/2011 19:41

Just say you're poorly and pop the gift round another time. It'll be fine.

BluddyMoFo · 07/04/2011 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grovel · 07/04/2011 19:43

White lie time. Panzee is right.

NotYourPrincess · 07/04/2011 19:45

You should go. It must mean a lot to her. You don't have to stay for long after the ceremony (is that what it's called?) but you should be there for her. It sounds as though they might be IVF babies or similar, and even though you've had a tough week, you will have the rest of the weekend to spend with your DP.

Rhinestone · 07/04/2011 19:45

I would go - you might feel differently by Sunday morning and might welcome getting out of the house. Plus it might make your forthcoming work week more pleasant if you've all 'bonded' a bit over such a nice happy occasion.

If I'm honest I do think it's a bit unkind to cancel at this late stage and you don't sound like an unkind person - quite the opposite - so I think you might regret this and feel you've let yourself down.

Your colleague obviously feels very close to you to invite you; you like her very much and want to celebrate - no brainer really!

Then come home and open a bottle of wine in the afternoon to reward yourself!

stream · 07/04/2011 19:47

I'd go, but keep it short.

MerryMarigold · 07/04/2011 19:53

As above. Go, and keep it short. See how you feel by Sunday at the very least. If you are genuinely stressed about it still by then, and can't face it, then I think saying you are not feeling well would be ok. Also, will it be obvious to everyone that you are 'avoiding' if you don't go? If you do go, go and look people in the eye, and refuse to be the person who looks like they're in the wrong/ suitably cowed/ upset etc.

Original poster
JosieRosie · 07/04/2011 20:03

Thanks everyone! At the moment, I'm leaning more towards following Panzee's advice - this is what I really would like to do, was just looking for some support and reassurance Smile. My colleague will have loads of family and friends around her on the day, so she's not relying on me and as much as I appreciate her invitation, I may decide to pull a sickie.

MerryMarigold - that's a very good point but no, it wouldn't be obvious at all. This person is not aware that she's been doing my head in!

OP posts:
adviseonexpressing · 07/04/2011 20:15

Very bizarrely JosieRosie, I think I am going to the same christening?!?! Do the twin boys's names begin with J and B?!
Anyway, for what its worth, I think completely fine not to go if you are feeling that way and it is (I think) a big do (and I of course wont utter a word as am sympathetic to struggling with balancing work/DHs/kids etc etc).

Original poster
JosieRosie · 07/04/2011 20:22

That's very freaky adviseon - yes they do! It must be the same christening! You are extremely kind offering not to say a word - I really feel like such a cow for not going. Mum and Dad are such fabulous people and I'm so thrilled for them both but christenings are difficult for me, for various reasons, and particularly so at the moment.

I wonder if everyone there will be as lovely as you are though Wink

OP posts:
adviseonexpressing · 07/04/2011 20:33

That is so totally bizarre isnt it?! I didnt tell you I knew to freak you out, but just because it is such a weird coincidence!

Please please dont feel a cow - IF you were to explain it (though am not suggesting you should - white lies are fine in this situation!) the mum and dad, as you say, would completely udnerstand as they are indeed the loveliest people in the world!

Am a big believer that life is a big old balancing act - and you have to make sure you are OK and sane whilst also trying to fit in everything else in life (different if she was your best friend, then that comes first, but sounds like you are just good work colleagues and therefore I think fine to priortise the things you are prioritsing like time with your DP/reasons for finding chiristenings hard etc). It would, IMO, be different if you were letting people down, but I honestly dont think you are in this situation.

Lovely that you have a gift - pop it in at some point, chat about the christening with them, look at photos with them etc, and feel happy that you can give them a bit of love and support and kindness in doing that, while also giving yourself some time out this weekend.

just in case you change your mind and we end up chatting at any point, I shall subtly identify myself so you dont feel too weirded out that any new person you are talking to might be that anonymous mn-etter!!!!!

Hope however it pans out you have a good weekend :)

xxx

Original poster
JosieRosie · 07/04/2011 20:35

adviseon, you are a lovely person Grin I may see you on Sunday, I may not, but thank you so much for being so understanding and reassuring me xxx

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 07/04/2011 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhinestone · 07/04/2011 20:45

Definitely think you should go now!! And I have a theory on who Adviseon is... Wink

Groovee · 07/04/2011 20:46

See now you've met someone else you could go and make a knew friend who understands how you feel.

adviseonexpressing · 07/04/2011 21:01

you guys ;) (am not that lovely, just sympathetic to the work/life balance struggles!)

may don a pink carnation just in case though JosieRosie!!

And Rhinestone now YOU have me worried!!

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