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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say to my friend "I told you so?"

26 replies

millie30 · 07/04/2011 15:40

My friend lives with her 4 year old DD and a couple of weeks ago she rang me, very excited because she was getting a dog. I asked her where from, and she told me it belonged to a woman she'd got chatting to on the bus who wanted to get rid of her dog. The reason? Because it was aggressive, uncontrollable and "lairy."

When I questioned the wisdom of her taking in an unknown, aggressive dog from a total stranger when she had a young child to think of, she dismissed this as nonsense because apparently it just needed a bit of attention and a good walk.

Fast forward two weeks and she has just contacted me to say she is getting rid of the dog because she can't control it and her neighbours are complaining. She is very upset, needs to find a home for it, her daughter is distressed etc, and she is telling me how sad it is and she seems to want my sympathy.

Am I being unreasonable to tell her that she brought this upon herself by being irresponsible in the first place, or should I just nod along and agree with her? (TBH it's not the only thing that is annoying me about her lately, and I'm finding it hard to keep biting my tongue!)

OP posts:

claricebeansmum · 07/04/2011 15:42

A true friend sticks through thick and thin - if this were my friend I would be supporting her now and then in a few months time it is something we could look and laugh about.

I don't really understand what you or she gain from you saying 'i told you so'

valiumredhead · 07/04/2011 15:42

Well I think she probably knows by now it was a mistake, I doubt she needs you to tell her!

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 07/04/2011 15:43

I would say told you so, you daft bint. But then I'm an evil, but honest, bitch with few friends.

theborrower · 07/04/2011 15:47

YANBU - she sounds a bit daft and irresponsible. I would just find a kinder way to say it. Maybe something like "That's a real shame. Next time, it might be good to check out its background a bit more, perhaps get one from a shelter where you can find this stuff out blah blah blah"

Original poster

millie30 · 07/04/2011 15:47

Maybe I should bite my tongue then! The problem is that she is already looking for something else to replace it with, and this sort of thing happens quite alot. I guess I thought that telling her my views would stop her thinking I support it, but maybe best to say nothing at all!

OP posts:

DooinMeCleanin · 07/04/2011 15:49

You say she is your 'friend'?

Poor dog. Poor DD. Advise your friend to contact a reputable no kill rescue and hopefully this dog won't keep being passed from pillar to post.

Original poster

millie30 · 07/04/2011 15:49

Theborrower, that sounds like a good idea!

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theborrower · 07/04/2011 15:51

I don't know about biting your tongue too much though - she could be putting her daughter in danger by getting a dog that she knows nothing about! Dogs can be dangerous with kids. Maybe just help her see sense a bit more in a way that she will understand

Original poster

millie30 · 07/04/2011 15:51

Yes DooinMeCleanin, I advised she take it to a rescue and she said no, she wants to rehome it herself. There are other issues with her which is why I'm getting to the end of my tether, but she has been my friend for a long time so it is difficult.

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FlamingJamie · 07/04/2011 15:53

I'd find it hard to be friends with someone so thoughtless, but then I'm and evil honest bitch with few friends

FlamingJamie · 07/04/2011 15:54

Actually, that's not true. I'd be annoyed but probably not say anything.

DooinMeCleanin · 07/04/2011 15:55

How old is the dog? Two homes in two weks is a lot for a dog to take. It's little wonder it is lairy. She really needs to let a rescue do their job and find the dog the right home where it will be trained and cared for properly.

Why does she want to rehome it herself?

SarahStrattonHasNiceBears · 07/04/2011 15:56

I think I would be very tempted to tell her what a bloody idiot she was. Tough one really as there's no benefit from telling her but OMG I would be tempted. What an utterly fucking stupid and irresponsible thing to do.

Nah, tell her. Sounds like she needs a good shake.

whitevanwoman · 07/04/2011 15:57

poor dog :(

Original poster

millie30 · 07/04/2011 16:00

The dog is 2 I think. I don't know why she wants to rehome it herself but she was adamant. I think the reason I'm considering saying something this time, when I usually bite my tongue, is because she is already wanting to replace it and never seems to learn from her mistakes. I recently considered cutting her off for a different reason, but couldn't go through with it.

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DooinMeCleanin · 07/04/2011 16:04

The reason you should be saying something os because she is not qualified or experienced enough to rehome this dog herself. How would she feel if it went to the wrong home and ended up being used in a dog fight? Or if it's behaviour worsened and it killed someone's child?

hecate · 07/04/2011 16:05

Ha. I'd be looking her in the eye and saying "I told you so."

Screw pussy footing around. "I bloody told you it would end like this, you daft sod."

If you can't give it to your mates straight, it's a rum do.

BeerTricksPotter · 07/04/2011 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

millie30 · 07/04/2011 16:28

Well I've just suggested to her that a rescue centre would really be the best bet because they can ensure that a safe, suitable home is found. Her response was no, she wants to find someone herself so she can meet them and know that he's going to a good home. I give up!

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DooinMeCleanin · 07/04/2011 16:31

Where abouts is she? Can you contact a rescue ceneter on her behalf and ask them to ring/email her? Or show her this thread?

Rehoming the dog herself is a really really bad idea, especially if it has shown signs of aggression. Plus how she can feel she is better placed to assess suitable homes than someone who is trained to do so as their job?

nenevomito · 07/04/2011 16:38

I'm definitely in the "I told you so" camp.

I have friends who make genuine mistakes where I told you so isn't pertinent. I also have friends like this who make blatantly stupid decisions on a regular basis and need to be told straight.

Anyone who takes a dog with behaviour problems from someone they met on a bus is definitely in the latter category!

I do feel sorry for the dog though. We have a great 'no kill' local shelter where they do behaviour management before they rehome and that would be perfect.

Original poster

millie30 · 07/04/2011 16:38

She'd go ballistic if I interfered. She'll probably call me later, I'll try to get her to see reason then, but she tends to think she knows best which is why she ended up with the dog in the first place!

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Original poster

millie30 · 07/04/2011 16:41

Yes babyheave, she lurches from one drama to another and I'm fed up of placating her afterwards. It's usually her poor daughter who ends up hurt, be it a neverending stream of boyfriends, homes or pets!

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plupedantic · 07/04/2011 17:32

"she wants to find someone herself so she can meet them and know that he's going to a good home."

Tell her to make sure it's not someone she met on a bus!

Original poster

millie30 · 07/04/2011 17:35

Yes plupedantic, I don't think she would get the irony!

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