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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being an unreasonable tight git?

30 replies

FundMyDayOut · 07/04/2011 12:13

DH's Mum has won tickets to a day out on Saturday, big event, lots of betting etc.

We have been asked by his sister to 'throw in some money' with her so that she can place a few bets. I have told DH that I think his sister has a bloody cheek which he isn't too happy about.

Now I don't begrudge his mum a day out, she works full time, lives alone. But, here is my problem - she has no debts, cries poverty at every chance she has, I can't remember the last time she could 'afford' to get the 20 minute long train journey to us to see her granddaughter, yet she has enough money to go to the bingo twice per week, and compulsively buy shite off the internet (which DH is often asked to pick up after she has bought it)

I really don't think we should be, in these circumstances, putting money in her back pocket to go and waste on betting. We aren't exactly rolling in it ourselves and are currently trying to cut back on spending wherever we can.

Be honest, tell me if IABU. DH has already decided he will give her money by the way.

OP posts:
pjmama · 07/04/2011 12:15

If we were trying to save money and someone suggested I hand some over to someone else so they could piss it up the wall, I'd tell them to trot on.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/04/2011 12:19

Exactly what pjmama said. Of course YANBU.

HuwEdwards · 07/04/2011 12:19

head it off at the pass. phone up, say 'oooh how fab, would love a day out like this...maybe when we turn a corner. have a wonderful time!'

Gemsy83 · 07/04/2011 12:24

Is it the Grand National? Ruby Murray to win!
Sorry nowt else constructive to add [embarrased]

JanMorrow · 07/04/2011 12:26

Your sil wants you all to give your mil money to bet with? Er, no.

Original poster
FundMyDayOut · 07/04/2011 12:26

Huw - that's exactly what I would have done, but DH told me last night when he returned from work about the conversation with his sister, in which he agreed to fund her day out Hmm So now I'm just left seething at it, and him for being such a spineless twit. He knows we are trying to cut back.

OP posts:
Rosieeo · 07/04/2011 12:29

YANBU. I'd laugh in her face.

NoobyHoHoHo · 07/04/2011 12:31

So she's getting a free day out, and your SIL wants to fund her spends? Which is going on betting?

Errrr - NO!

(If she wins will you be getting your money back? Because if she actually won and kept the lot I would be apoplectic!!)

rookiemater · 07/04/2011 12:32

Technically YANBU, its ludicrous you should support someone elses's betting when you don't have any spare cash.

However at the end of the day it's his Mum, it's done now and calling him a spineless twit isn't going to get the money back or make the situation any better.

Try and focus on the positive which is that your DH is a generous person who wants his Mum to enjoy himself.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/04/2011 12:32

If things weren't tight I'd say YABVVU and mean spirited. Besides, she might win and spread the love a bit.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/04/2011 12:36

Why all the catsbummouthiness about betting? Each to their own I suppose.

Honestly though, would people really begrudge treating their MIL to a day out? Really? Good grief.

Faithless12 · 07/04/2011 12:39

YANBU. I hate people who plead poverty and then go off and waste money. My brother does this a lot, claimed he had no money to feed his kids so I bought him a weeks worth of shopping and the next week he was flying off to the US.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/04/2011 12:42

So, a day out is a waste of money?

I'd be pissed off in your shoes though, Faithless.

Original poster
FundMyDayOut · 07/04/2011 12:45

Jenai - I already said I don't begrudge her a day out. I do however, begrudge funding it when our arses are scraping along the floor as it is, when it is going to be more than likely wasted on betting, when she can afford twice weekly trips to the bingo and buys something off ebay she doesn't need at least 3 times per week, yet can't afford the £4 train fare to come and visit her bloody granddaughter.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 07/04/2011 12:47

Yanbu

no way would I pay for someone elses jollys when we are having to make cutbacks.

bubblecoral · 07/04/2011 12:56

YANBU, and I don't think your Dh has the right to make this descision as you are obviously against it, unless he sacrifices something he enjoys to pay for it.

VinegarTits · 07/04/2011 13:07

its his mum, if he wants to give her money to have a day out, up to him

HipHopopotomus · 07/04/2011 13:19

So she's won a day out to the Grand National (or similar) and needs a little spending money so she can have a flutter - I would chip in really. It sounds like a special day she will remember for a long long time, especially if her usual life consists of weekly bingo & buying crap off ebay. She certainly doesn't sound like she is rolling in cash.

Sounds like you are PO'ed with her for other reasons (not visiting), which is why this is so hard for you to be gracious about. But your DH has already offered/agreed and it does sound like you are being a little mean spirited about it.

Imagine how much fun a trip to the GN would be without a few quid to have a bet with? I probably wouldn't want to go. Surely you wouldn't have to give her a lot to make a really big difference and help create a memorable/special day for her?

blackeyedsusan · 07/04/2011 13:20

cut back... on his treats to pay for it. beans on toast for tea... sorry love money is tight right now I had ot cut back somewhere so we could give your mum some money. buy smart price/value versions of his breakfast/ favourite foods and serve them up to him.

AAGGGHHH bloody men and their mothers... And I have a son, I would be cross if he did that for me when he is big, I would think i had failed in teaching him financial responsibility.

this is exactly why we had separate accounts for presents.. except dh still bought things out of the joint account.. AAAGGGGHHHH again.

iwantavuvezela · 07/04/2011 13:22

Tell the sister to imagine the scenario that you do all chip in - MIL wins big, imagine how everyone will feel, will she share it then; would it make everyone feel resentful that it was their money that helped win if she doesnt share! I think with betting, you have to do it with your own money!

nijinsky · 07/04/2011 13:24

YANBU. DP's parents are wealthy yet we were expected to pay for a Micheline starred restaurant for their evening meal when they won a stay in a hotel in the town where we live (never bothered to visit us before). Because they are pensioners. They have far more spare cash to flash around on motorhomes and second homes than we do. And being asked to pay £250 for his mother's charity trip to walk the Great Wall of China. I don't think some people this age realise how expensive everything is now.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/04/2011 13:29

Good post, HipHop

MooMooFarm · 07/04/2011 13:30

YANBU - if SIL wants to be generous let her pay for it all herself.

MooMooFarm · 07/04/2011 13:31

BTW - does anyone remember the thread the other day about somebody not understanding why people have separate bank accounts? Grin

I hope it's his money he's using and not yours OP

nomoreheels · 07/04/2011 13:42

How much are we talking? £20? £80? I can understand why you find it annoying, but £20 would be the sort of figure I could live with. If, however, your SIL is expecting everyone to put in a big sum, that is definitely not reasonable - especially considering your current finances.

If your finances are so tight that £20 would really affect you, then I would agree that your DP is wrong to give her anything - it's irresponsible.