not to invite mum with 2 sets of twins

[pingu2209]

We are having a short notice bbq and swimming 'party' for my daughter (age 3.5) in the garden. She can invite some of her friends from nursery. One of the friends she would like is a girl from a set of twins (boy and girl) but they have a siblings who are twin boys (age 2.5).

It must be really really hard work for the mum having 4 children aged under 4!!!!! (can you imagine!)

However, I don't really want 1 invite to mean 4 children. I can't see a way around inviting just the girl and not her 3 brothers as they are so young. Am I being mean? This must happen a lot to the mum. I know in my heart that if I was the mum I would feel really upset at not being invited to places as there are too many of us.

I don't really see how you can expect her to come with just one child and stay to supervise, especially if the dads aren't around. What is she supposed to do with the other 3 children?

Sorry, think I misread, are you saying she can just drop her off in which case that's different.

From your last post, I think you should invite them all. It's unfair to invite other younger siblings but not hers.

Could you perhaps get a smaller paddling pool for the younger children?

If you want her to stay with the children then yes,she's gonna have to bring them all. don't worry about it, it's hard but she is used to it.

I agree with Headfirst. It's pretty mean to invite other childrens younger siblings and not hers. The poor woman has her hands full and would pprobably jump at the chance of an afternoon out

She may not have childcare at the time for the other children anyway so your daughters friend would miss out.

Why not suggest she brings someone along with her to help her mind the kids as there is water involved?

What Millie said. You don't want her to just drop off the child, but you don't want her to bring the siblings, but the party is when dads aren't around? I just wouldn't invite her TBH, especially as other childrens siblings will be there, hardly fair.

I have 5 under 6 and I only take the invited child to parties (and BF 5 month old), but they are at the weekend so OH can look after the others.

I think she probably finds life hard enough without the extra upset of feeling her children will be excluded because of their siblings. Invite them, but explain that because of the pool, you need one adult for every two children, so can she bring another adult (Their dad?)

What would be the point of inviting one? She won't be able to leave the other three behind, presumably, as it's an afternoon party so she'll end up declining anyway. Are you just issuing the invite to 'be polite'? If you genuinely want her DD to come then you should invite them all, especially if other siblings are coming too. Otherwise, don't invite her.

Don't fill it so deep!! You'll all feel a lot safer, I reckon.

If it was a normal party for older children where parents drop and leave it'd be fine to invite just your child's friend and not siblings. But given it's for 3yos and younger siblings I think you do have to invite the whole shebang. Am sure the mother would be fine with a tactful conversation about how to ensure all of them are supervised around water - she has to cope with stuff that is more difficult with two sets of twins all the time. If it's too difficult, presumably she'll say thanks but we can't come as it's too tricky to supervise all of them with the pool.

I cant quite work this out!

You want one child to be there out of the four, but you acknowledge that she wont have her OH there to help, yet you dont want her to drop the girl and leave, but you dont want her to stay with the other three either?

You are asking the impossible of this poor woman, she cant split herself into two can she?!

You have to invite them all or none at all because I simply dont see a way that this can be accomodated within your requirements!

Its going to have to be all or nothing OP.