Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or am I just sleep deprived?

16 replies

SmilingandWaving · 07/04/2011 10:05

I have a 3 month old DS so fear it may be lack of sleep that is making me overly sensitive at the moment but just wanted to check before I actually sever my tongue from biting it so hard. Also if I'm not BU WWYD?

I have a friend who I've known about 13 years now & we've always been quite close despite some differences of opinion. I've always had a job since I was 15, have paid my own way through uni & have been living independently since I was 18 (I'm now 24). My friend lived at home until last September & her parents have always paid her bills, food, car, clothes etc which is fair enough as she was still at uni.

When she graduated she immediately got a job paying £30k (she told me, I didn't ask) for 4 days a week work, she then moved in with her DP who earns £20k (again she told me). Ever since she has been constantly talking about money & about how broke she is. She doesn't seem to realise that loaning a horse, buying designer shoes and putting £300 into savings each month does not mean you are poor. I tried to sympathise for a long time but since having the baby its really winding me up, she makes what DP & I make combined when I'm not on maternity leave. When I tried telling her this she snapped that it didn't count cos I'm on maternity leave (I'm not even sure what she meant by this as I still have bills to pay) & we don't run a car.

She's since told me that she'll be starting a new job soon on £50k but is not happy cos it means she'll have to work 5 days a week!

While I'm in rant mode she also keeps commenting on the fact that I'm breast feeding DS. Apparently there's no point doing it for more than 2 weeks & it's disgusting. If I feed in front of her (I'm very discreet) she makes a point of looking out the nearest window & never making eye contact, DP assures me that nothing can be seen when I'm feeding him & even if it could she's seen my boobs on several occasions over the years anyway!

Sorry this is long and ranty, I feel much better now. Had to get it off my chest as I'm seeing her for lunch later and feel I may explode.

OP posts:
Original poster
SmilingandWaving · 07/04/2011 10:09

Should be am I unreasonable to be annoyed by this or am I sleep deprived.

OP posts:
wolfhound · 07/04/2011 10:11

Sounds like your friend is a bit of a self-obsessed idiot. Maybe she's just young and silly, and you are necessarily more mature than her (you've worked a long time, have a baby etc.) If I were you, I'd cut down contact with her - no need to cut her off completely or to have a big showdown, and I doubt it will do any good. Self-obsessed people never recognise their own failings, and she'll just blame you. Spend more time with other people. She's ignorant about breastfeeding, and if you let her attitude affect you, you will really resent it when she has a baby in 10 years time and turns into a (still self-obsessed) uber-earth-mother. This is a good time to meet people more on your wave length, maybe? And then you can defuse by laughing with them about the stupid things your old friend says.

Original poster
SmilingandWaving · 07/04/2011 10:27

I have been thinking there wasn't much point in having it out as I know from experience it will all be my fault. Trouble with seeing her less is that I tried it before & she got annoyed with me. It seems to have to be all or nothing, to the extent that when I started seeing her regularly again she kept saying things like 'now that we're friends again'! I've just moved to a new area so think I'll join a mother & baby class & try to meet new people. It feels quite sad cos although I know we've always seen money in different ways I never thought it would become such a big issue.

OP posts:
RosyApples · 07/04/2011 10:27

To me it sounds as though she measures wealth by money in the bank, not what she is buying. She is used to not having to put her hand in her own pocket therefore has been spoilt and doesn't know how lucky she is. As for the breastfeeding thing though shes being ridiculous. She seems really immature, she'll realise what she was like when she grows up a bit.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/04/2011 10:29

Your friend is a loon. I would have as little to do with her as possible, join the M+B group and make some proper friends.
Not only is she a loon, she is a spoiled loon to boot.

hecate · 07/04/2011 10:32

What do you like about her? What makes her a good friend? What are the reasons why you love her and want to keep her in your life?

Focus on those.

If you can't think of anything, otoh...

MorticiaAddams · 07/04/2011 10:38

It sounds as though you have just grown apart and gone in completely different directions. She just doesn't understand your life and doesn't seem to want to.

These things happen and I wouldn't sweat it, not all friends are for life.

Original poster
SmilingandWaving · 07/04/2011 10:43

There are reasons why I love her they're just becoming harder to focus on when she constantly turns the conversation to money. I also don't think she approves of me having a baby after just finishing uni, I'd only been working in my first 'proper' job a few months when I found out. Now she constantly compares how I parent to her SIL who never breast fed & would never use reusable nappies & would never have bought a second hand pram or cot or clothes in a charity shop. Completely missing the point that I do these things because I'm skint.

But then we have similar sense of humor, we enjoy the same books, keep up with current affairs & like to discuss & I used to ride too so we can have a really nice time when money or DS don't come up in conversation.

OP posts:
PlopPlopPing · 07/04/2011 10:56

She sounds horrible.

Happylander · 07/04/2011 11:03

She doesn't sound very nice. I would go and make some other friends who are able to see that money is not everything in life. I have had to get rid of a friend who was just so self absorbed it grated on me and I got fed up of her selfish behaviour. It has allowed me time to create better friendships with much nicer people.

FetchezLaVache · 07/04/2011 11:08

She sounds like an idiot, tbh, and being skinters myself I would find the whining about cash extremely irritating and insensitive! And the comments about breastfeeding are just downright bizarre. Of course, the sleep deprivation won't help...

Original poster
SmilingandWaving · 07/04/2011 11:25

Thank you, was really unsure. DPs loud chewing makes me want to slap him at the mo due to lack of sleep so wasn't sure if it was just me being sensitive. I think after today I'll just start seeing a bit less of her & try steering her away from conversations about money. Maybe when she earns more money she'll be less obsessed with it.

OP posts:
saffronwblue · 07/04/2011 11:36

Breastfeeding a young baby is hard work - try to hang out with people who make you feel better not worse. Even in a sleep deprived fog just run a simple test - will I feel better if I see her today or not?

She sounds a bit lacking in empathy for people in different circumstances and the divide between you will only increase.

TotemPole · 07/04/2011 12:21

Are you sure this £50k job exists?

PlopPlopPing · 07/04/2011 12:38

There's a part of me hoping that things go wrong for her so that she learns what skint really means. Ok, I know I'm not being nice!

amberleaf · 07/04/2011 12:43

You may well be sleep deprived but she sounds like a nobber.

I have found this tends to happen with friends you've known a long time...you outgrow each other when your lives take very different paths, some friends remain good friends regardless..these are the ones worth keeping.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread