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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ill child and wedding attendance

28 replies

cottonreels · 07/04/2011 08:03

My Ds (18mths) is ill with tonsilitus which started Monday night. The doctor yesterday, when prompted, said it would be infectious. He is clearly unwell but perks up with paracetamol and nurofen and is on amoxicillin which will hopefully help him soon.
Tonight we are travelling 3 hours to a wedding which, will take place on saturday, and helping with wedding preparations. The bride is my DP's twin sister, so we'd obviously still like to go, though I think some of our help may now be scaled down.
My Dp's other sister will be at the wedding with her 3 dd's - one who is just 4 months old. Her reactions to this like this can be a little unpredictable and communication in the family is not great where people say one thing but mean another.
Im sure there'll be other children too who we don't know. There are no old/frail people attending.
My DP points out that we have both gone to work in the past with infectious illnesses (like colds) if we've felt up to the job, and therfore exposed others to illness. He thinks this ocassion is no different. We live in a world of germs and if you don't want to be exposed to them you stay at home.
I do sort of agree, but can't help being nervous of the baby catching it and also, if Im honest, Im nervous of what people will think of us- both in exposing others to it and taking our ds into the ceremony and a party atmosphere (though he will be well looked after with lots of relatives, and will be ill wherever he is regardless).
What do you think, would wbu to take him? Really don't know the protocol.
Do we warn the bride now that he's ill even though the build up to a wedding is a stressful time and he might be feeling a lot better by then?

OP posts:

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/04/2011 08:06

Don't warn the bride, but you should tell the other sister, so she can at least keep her little one away from yours to be safe. By Saturday he'll probably be over the really infectious bit (I think? 5-6 days from onset?) so I think it's just a matter of you waiting and seeing how he is and whether he's up to it. Obviously if he's still really ill, you wouldn't take him, and even if he isn't, I'd keep him as far away from little babies as possible.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/04/2011 08:06

IIWY, I would be staying at home with my DC while DH went to the wedding. Had my DD caught tonisilitis from your child I would be a bit huffy.
I suppose you could make a zone of terror around him where noone is allowed to touch or speak to him but that is unrealistic.
Could your DH go tonight and you follow tomorrow if your DS is feeling better?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/04/2011 08:07

Oh, I missed that you were travelling tonight. Are you staying in a hotel? Then I'd take him, but be prepared to stay in the hotel and let your partner go on his own if your son's no better.

QuintessentialShadows · 07/04/2011 08:10

What matters most is how long he has been on antibiotics for. In nurseries, they say that if children are perky, and has been on antibiotics for 48 hours, they are fine to attend. My doctor has always told me you are no longer infectious after you have been on antibiotics for 48 hours. I would stock up on antibacterial wipes and gels, and tissues, though, to ensure he is cleaned, hands and nose, regularly.

Original poster

cottonreels · 07/04/2011 08:11

Thanks, its the huffyness im afraid of. Going separatly is unrealistic due to the distance and location. I figure ds will still be ill whether its here in the house, or in the car or in our accommodation. So i plan on going with my dp and ds to the accommodation, its the wedding bit thats up in the air and makes me really

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onceamai · 07/04/2011 08:12

I think taking him will open up potential for lots of people to have a miserable time and to feel uncomfortable. DP needs to go as planned, you need to get someone from your side of the family to come over on Saturday to take care of DS for the day and evening. You travel on Saturday to attend the formal parts of the wedding with a great big smile on your face and return home to look after DS as early as you can. Tell them what has been arranged and keep it as low key as possible. This is the bride's day, it will be stressful for everyone involved in the organisation of it and they don't need to know about or have to make decisions about or enter into discussions about any probelms you and DP are facing because ds is ill. If no-one to look after DS see how he is early Saturday morning and make a decision then.

Original poster

cottonreels · 07/04/2011 08:16

Great tip about tissues and wipes. And yes, 3 1/2 days of antibiotics will be in by the wedding

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SmethwickBelle · 07/04/2011 08:19

If he started the antibiotics yesterday by the actual wedding on Saturday he'll have had three full days worth and it should be on its way out but in the lead up it is possible that he'll pass it on.

It is a difficult one as you don't want to give it to other children but you don't want to give it to the adults - not least the bride or groom either! I had tonsilitus at Christmas and I'd forgotten how awful it is so definitely not one to pass around.

I'd say it depends on who your son will be around in the next 48 hours. The "right" thing to do may be to quarantine yourself and son until Saturday once you get where you're going. Never quite as simple in real life...

bubblecoral · 07/04/2011 08:19

If he's no longer infectious by Saturday and he's well enough, I'd take him.

Could you ring the GP or NHS direct on advice on whether he is likely to still be infectious by Saturday?

I wouldn't worry about telling the bride, she is still your baby's Aunt, being a bride doesn't make everyone completely self centred. As long as she knows you are doing your best to keep everyone happy and you have a plan in place, she should be fine.

SmethwickBelle · 07/04/2011 08:21

Just looking at the incubation period on the NHS website and it says it is 2-4 days so definitely exercise caution if your son could be cuddling the happy couple later on today. I meant to add I hope he gets better soon!

shrinkingnora · 07/04/2011 08:32

Not sure what I would do in this situation, but some charmer dragged themselves out of bed to spread norovirus through my sister's wedding guests. 17 people.....

I am inclined to think that although tonsilitis is infectious it is not as infectious as lots of other things - can't really remember any outbreaks at school/nursery (although am prepared to be corrected) and know that my children have been in contact with it many times and had it once between them. I would probably go but be careful who he licks....

kazmus · 07/04/2011 08:45

sorry, and expecting to get shot down in flames, but if your little one is poorly they need to be at home, not being trailed around country. Doesnt really matter who they might come into contact with, its how they are feeling themselves. What if someone else attending is suffering with something, your little ones immunity is already low and could be made worse. The child is liable to be whingy because they are unwell, and whingy ones are never welcome at weddings! Stay home and wait for the photos!

Original poster

cottonreels · 07/04/2011 08:48

at the licking!
The bride is totally UNself centred and loves my ds to bits, Im as sure as I can be that she would want him there. Ds mum/grandma would also want him there im sure

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Lucyinthepie · 07/04/2011 08:51

I think if you check your doctor will confirm that he won't be contagious by the day of the wedding. But check to be sure.

shrinkingnora · 07/04/2011 08:53

If he's feeling too ill though don't do it as kazmus said. I sort of took that bit for granted, sorry!

SarkyLady · 07/04/2011 09:03

I think the concept of warning people is a crock of shit.

Either you think he is ill and contagious (and you keep him away)
Or you think he has taken the AB for long enough to be 'safe' and then you take him.

Warning people that he might be contagious just opens the door for people to get pissed off with you.

And fwiw I think that it us sensible to follow the same guidelines as you would for nursery/school etc. If he is too ill for these then keep him away.

Original poster

cottonreels · 07/04/2011 09:04

After a dreadful night, ds has woken drank his milk and straight in to playing with duplo. He's looking much better, though obviously still not himself.
I can see what Kazmus is saying, though for us 'home' is not a building but just being with people that love you. We are planning to drive while he's sleeping tonight after his bedtime so he won't even know until he wakes up tomorrow. Its a lodge in a farm type setting so I know he'll love seeing the chickens run about etc

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ddubsgirl · 07/04/2011 09:08

in all the times i have had it i have never given it to anyone else,so unless others are planning on full on kisses of lo then i wouldnt worry to much,just say hes been abit poorly but no other info,by then he would have been on ab`s for 3 days.

Original poster

cottonreels · 07/04/2011 09:10

thanks ddunsgirl. I really dont have much experience of it as both me and dp have never had it

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rosie1979 · 07/04/2011 11:00

If he were my ds I would not care about the huffyness but I would not take him to a wedding if he was feeling ill...I would not want to go to a wedding with tonsillitus - why would an 18mnth year old?

When your ill you want your own bed - let alone go to full on wedding.

I would either stay at home with him or stay at the hotel for the day.

ChristinedePizan · 07/04/2011 11:04

I've had tonsillitis numerous times (despite not having tonsils ) and have never passed it on. Also after 48 hours of ABs I feel absolutely fine so I reckon he should be ok by Saturday. I would tell the sister with the baby though and try and keep them apart as he's more likely to catch it than anyone else.

Happylander · 07/04/2011 11:09

I would travel up, see how he is and if he is bright and perky on the day then it would be fine. Or go and if he doesn't perk up at the sight of all his family then go back to the farm. He will have been on antibiotics long enough and unless someone is going to kiss him full on the lips and shove their tongue in they don't stand much chance of catching it. You are driving through the night so he won't know the difference. He'll be fine, so go and have some fun and let him chase some chickens. Sounds great by the way.

JanMorrow · 07/04/2011 11:13

I get tonsillitus fairly often and my Dr has always told me it's not contageous unless I kiss or lick someone (ie through saliva) or sneeze directly on them. As long as the baby is kept away from your son (just for peace of mind) it should be fine!

Original poster

cottonreels · 07/04/2011 13:43

Great a couple of encouraging posts there added to the fact that I just popped him to the park (there was no-one else there) and he really perked up out in the fresh air and sunshine..fingers crossed he can keep it up

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porcamiseria · 07/04/2011 14:54

YOU CANT WIN!!!

go and one sister will be huffy about germs
dont go and the other will be very upset

who do you want to piss of least? bride obviously, just go. and if she does get huffy say the fuck are you supposed to do, miss the wedding????

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