should families help each other out?

[selfishdaughterorselfishmother]

(Regular but name changed as may be easily identifiable from this post)

My mother is a very financially driven woman, to the detriment of family life. It has made her millions but has caused divorce etc, and estrangement from my siblings.

She has never ever helped with my children - I mean no babysitting, no financial assistance nothing - her words if people choose to have children, they should not expect assistance from anyone else.

Whilst I agree with her, over the years there have been tough occassions, for example emergency admission to hospital, where childcare support would have been extremely helpful, but she would not do it.

However, when it is her opportunity to make money I'm seen as selfish and heartless and not family orientated if I don't help her out.

She has her own company and never turns down work, because in her words 'I can't say no to that kind of money'. She gets about £900p/h after expenses.

She has asked me to work for her (she'll pay me £6p/h gross) when we are meant to be on holiday, and has got really stroppy with me because I said no.

She's then phoned me 6 times asking me to do it, I said if you are that desperate for me to do it, then I want a bigger cut, she said 'It's all about money with you'. I said 'I learnt from the master'.

This is the type of work that you can easily hire a student etc to do. She won't hire them, a) because they'll probably want more per hour, and b) she knows me. I purposely do a poor job - bare minimum so that she doesn't ask me again.

So she's going to phone back - am I being unreasonable when she won't help me out, to not help her out? Or as a daughter, should I help out my mother?

I worked for my parents from the age of 11 [yes child labor ]. This was many many years ago, it was borrrrrring manual work that did take some training and I got £4 quid an hour, this is well over a decade ago!!! Admitted I didn't get it all some was paid in to a savings account etc.

While I loved the money, I would have done it for nothing as I understood this work paid for the food on the table and the roof over our heads. I saw my parents work long in to the night so that they could build up a reputation as being a company that not only did good quality work but also to do it quickly. All so we could have what they didn?t.

She is seriously taking the piss. . .

But saying that no matter how much money she makes no amount can pay for someone to love and care for you, to worry about you and to mourn you when you?re gone.

She seems to expect a lot from you i.e.: do it because you?re family but does not see this as a 2 way street. Personally I?d tell her to piss off

Re inheritance - she has already said many times she does not believe that children should receive inheritance as every generation should make its own money.

In that case, next time she wants to pay you peanuts, remind her of that and tell her you would rather earn a decent hourly rate with a proper employer!

Just to clarify - I do have a well paid career job, that I work full time in, and my dh also works in a well paid full time career job.

I do not need the employment from my mother either for the money (although I'm not an idiot, and if she paid me good reasonable rate I would be willing to work adhoc). And having a variety of children with a spread of ages, I do not want to lose my precious spare time for family life, especially for pittance, that does not really benefit the household pot, taking work/life balance equation into consideration.