Becoming a stepmum by accident

[aimee309]

Hi

I met my partner a year ago and I knew he had a ten year old son. He and his ex partner no longer live together, she walked out on him when their son was three, and she is now in with a group of friends whom neither myself nor my partner approve of.

Myself and my new man are extremely happy but I am finding it hard though because I want to be a good influence on this little boy, but it is hard. He isn't mine, I accept that and understand that entirely but I was brought up very differently from the way his mum brings him up, and I struggle to know when it is appropriate for me to have a view or say anything, and I find it so difficult.

He isn't rude but he has been brought up in a very liberal household and so homework, reading, books, nutritional food etc seem to take second place to late nights and the Simpsons. My partner is more liberal than me but he finds it so tough because he has to jump when she says because otherwise he doesn't get to see his son and he has no desire to have to go back to court again.

He is a very devoted dad and I want to be a good example too but not having children myself, I find it hard to reconcile two types of childhood. Any thoughts?

Thank you

You treat the child like a friend, you don't treat him as if you were his mother.

He is a friend who also happens to be your partners son, you take an interest in what he does, what he eats, when he is at yours he eats what you eat that kinda thing, but you don't force what you beleive to be right on him.

I have always treated my own children like friends more than like my children, and that has stood me in good stead, they are now 23 and 17. Fantastic kids, and never caused me not one moment of grief, and they have impecable manners.

Remember when you ask him to do anything to say please and thank you.

Treat him with respect and all will be well.

Great post and great advice from FabbyChic. Absolutely agree.

How can you become a Step Mum by accident lol?

Agree you have to treat him with respect - it's about showing the behaviour you want to see from him. Fine to have different rules in your house than in his Mother's, btw, but don't suddenly impose them without discussion. You could try sitting down together, all three of you, and deciding on some house rules.