To be annoyed by lack of interest shown by ds's godparents

[Romeotango]

Bit of history.

We don't have lot of family so selected 4 friends to be godparents to ds. Over the past 3 years, most (3/4) of them don't seem to show much interest in ds. The other night I was on phone to one of these friends and she didn't even ask about ds. Is it too much to ask?
I'm really regretting choosing these people but at the time they were very supportive and kind.

YANBU in wanting them to be interested, YABU to expect them to be.
DD has two GPs, one of whom she hasn't seen or heard of since her christening, the other lives in Borneo so we don't catch up that often.
What role do you want them to play in your DS life?

YANBU godparents are SUPPOSED to be interested and involved, that is the point. They should have declined if they weren't going to be

only ever had ds1 christened and all 3 gp dont bother with him including my brother who was last min gp and caused a rift in my family because of it,he cut us out 18 months ago.

are they big church goers ??

as for alot of people these days christenings are more about dressing up and get togethers and eating/drinking.

godparents are an essential part of it.......but the god parenting bit is seen as unimportant

OP did you sit down with them at the time to explain to them what your expectations were of them being his Godparents?

YANBU for being annoyed. However IMO many people don't take being a godparent particularly seriously and your 3 disinterested friends would probably be quite surprised to learn you were upset and felt they were were not fulfilling the role they were supposed to. Your DS's godparents probably thought it was nice to asked, showed they are good friends and has a nice day at the christening. End of.

FWIW I am not religious, haven't had my DC christened and have turned down an offer to be a godparent because I would not stand up in church and make promises that meant nothing to me.

I was going to ask the same....do they know what sort of role you expected of them?

OP - did they have children when they agreed.

I must admit DH and I are GPs to our neice and I don't think we thought we'd have to do much other than send money and gifts (pre our own DC).

We only see her a couple of times a year .
I feel a little guilty for ever having agreed tbh.

I'll freely admit I'm a crap god-parent. I really should have declined since I'm an atheist.The child has a very loving family and friends (we live a long way from them), and it's there 4th child so they had to choose someone.

I can see this is important to you, especially since it's your first child and you don't have many relatives.

their not there

The problem I have with godparents is, unless you are a regular church goer, and these people agreed, in the event of your death, to raise your child, what is the point?

People have asked me and I've said no thanks, I don't want the responsibility ta very much. It may seem to them that I should be greatful but I don't want to be godparents to seven people's kids.

Maybe they said yes to avoid hurting you. Or maybe they didn't know what was expected of them. I take it this was a Christian Church thing?

I thought you were only allowed two godparents?

god parents have no legal rights over a child,never have,its about being there for them to give them advice and to guide them if they need to.

you can have as many as you want but tradition is for boy 2 gf 1 gm girl 2 gm 1 gf.

I knew there was no legal right, but when I was brought up in the Cathoilic faith (long since rejected) there was a moral obligation inherent in becoming godparent. Hence my reticence to ever do it, apart from for my siblings children.

I am very honoured to be godmother to my friends DD - send cards and presents etc, have babysat in the past - but I certainly don't ask about her every time my friend and I speak on the phone!

i think many years ago yes it was more of the done thing and alot more responsability to it but now not so much,familys live futher apart,work etc no-one is so close knit now i guess,as i said my own sons god parents dont bother with him or ask after him which is very sad and i wish i had chosen better god parents for him.

Sorry should've made it clearer. They're actually "mentors" rather than godparents as we had naming ceremony.

Yes you're right I didn't really explain to them before how important it was for me to have them interested and involved in ds's life. Maybe when he's older it would be nice if he could go on outings with them etc. I feel very sad when other children are surrounded by family and friends and we just have the three of us.

It's reassuring (in a sad way though) that other people have disinterested godparents too.

Actually Romeo - I think I would have taken the "mentor" role more seriously, because it's less of a traditional "done thing" and more of a deliberate choice.

Mentors?
What was the purpose of that?
Did you tell them what you wanted?

I think it is all a waste of time.

I am a godmother twice over.Both times under duress. Wish I had said no, partic. as one parent genuinely couldn't understand why I didn't want to spend hours oohing and aahing over the child in question and displaying pictures of her in my house (helpfully sent to me, framed.)

It does depend on their understanding or how seriously they take the religious side of things.
Otherwise they may just think it's a role like a bridesmaid or something - just for the day.
Even if they're not serious about the vows do they actually know how important their spiritual guidence etc is to you?
Also maybe they just think they need to step in if something where to happen to you.
It's all down to what their understanding was.

I think four godparents is too many and sort of dilutes the importance of the role a bit. I think expecting them to always ask about your DS when on the phone is a bit much.

ah x-posted with the mentor thing.