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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to be a bit disappointed with this situation

19 replies

12345namechange · 06/04/2011 12:16

Namechanged as don't want to be recognised.

MIL sadly died in January. It was a huge shock and really hard. We were all there as she passed away. MIL was a great woman and I really loved her, she did a lot for me and I am so very sad that she is no longer with us. She was incredibly young as well, so it really was a shock.

SIL has planned to do the Race for Life this year in memory of her mum. I think that is a great thing to do, and I told her it was brilliant she was doing that etc.

SIL has since on facebook (work of devil, I know) invited DH's brothers' girlfriends to do the race with her in memory of MIL. These two ladies are very nice, one knew MIL for about 4 months, and the other for a year.

However, SIL has not asked me to do it.

I understand it is her mum and she must do what she feels best. MIL was not my mother and I don't want to step on any toes. But I feel really disappointed that she asked these two to do it with her and not me.

OP posts:

SarkyLady · 06/04/2011 12:21

Perhaps you are reading to much into this?

Perhaps it had already happened to come up in conversation with the others? Perhaps she knows they have done similar things before? Perhaps ....

Just tell her you'd like to do it :)

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2011 12:21

Try offering and see what she says.
Is there a reason she might think you're not up to running?

Joannezipan · 06/04/2011 12:23

Just call her and tell her you would honoured to do the race with her too. Don't make a problem out of it by second guessing her.

HipposGoBeserk · 06/04/2011 12:23

Maybe her friends will be there to support her, rather than in MIL's memory. Maybe she didn't ask you because you are grieving too, and she knows you wouldn't be able to be strong for her?

HipposGoBeserk · 06/04/2011 12:37

Or maybe the two of you doing it would be about BOTH of you running for MIL, and she wants it to be all about HER running it for her Mum. Her friends running too don't impinge on that because they didn't know Mil well.

Obviously you are grieving too, but it is not the same as losing your Mum. Maybe she needs to do this for herself and you should let her.

RJRabbit · 06/04/2011 12:39

Maybe she thinks you wouldn't make it 'round the course!

squeakytoy · 06/04/2011 12:40

I think that is a great thing to do, and I told her it was brilliant she was doing that etc.

At that point, did you say "I would love to do it with you", because otherwise, she probably thought you wouldnt want to, as you didnt mention it at the ideal opportunity.

Just put a comment on there saying "room for another one? :) "... they are hardly likely to say "no, you cant come with us".

Original poster

12345namechange · 06/04/2011 12:59

Hippos- that's what I thought, that's why I haven't offered to do it with her because she's lost her mum, it's not my mum and it isn't my place to offer to do it with her.

They aren't her friends, the people she has asked. They are her brothers' girlfriends/ partners.

RJRabbit Maybe!

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 06/04/2011 13:00

But of course you could offer! just offer and see what she says. :)

Original poster

12345namechange · 06/04/2011 13:06

I think I have possibly been a bit touchy. Thanks for the posts

OP posts:

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 06/04/2011 13:18

Hi 12345 - I sadly lost my mum to cancer in August and am also running in the race for life with some friends. TBH it never occurred to me to ask my SIL to run with me and I would presume if she wanted to run she would say so and sort of invite herself. I'm sure your SIL meant nothing by it...........maybe she just is closer to the ones she is running to??

She's lost her mum, she's in turmoil, I know I am...

Original poster

12345namechange · 06/04/2011 13:39

desperate- I'm very, very sorry to hear about your mum. Cancer is an evil disease.

It's not really my place to be bothered, I am just a little bit, but I would never say anything to her or to anyone else about it. I do feel sad that I am the only female in the family not to be invited to join, but it's not like I have a right to be a part of it. SIL must do whatever she feels is best for her, in memory of her mum.

OP posts:

Rhinestone · 06/04/2011 13:44

Are the other two runners? If they are, and you're not then maybe that's why!

5k is easy if you're a runner but it's not easy if you're not!

stubbornhubby · 06/04/2011 13:48

it's actually unreasonable to ASK people to do this sort of thing, as it'a very, very awkward to say 'no'. I bet the other two OFFERED to do it.

HipposGoBeserk · 06/04/2011 13:53

Oh hang on - it's different if they are the girlfriend's of her other brothers.

I revise my opinion. You should ask to run too.

Original poster

12345namechange · 06/04/2011 13:56

I might ask, but then it's awkward for her to say that she doesn't want me to if I put her on the spot.

Anything's better than me sitting here whining about it!

Rhinestone, I'm not a runner but I am fit(ish). None of them are runners.

OP posts:

Rhinestone · 06/04/2011 13:57

I think Stubbornhubby make a really good point. You should offer too - if you want to that is!

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 06/04/2011 13:59

12345 - come run with me! I bet if you offered to run too she would be really pleased!

Original poster

12345namechange · 06/04/2011 14:03

Thanks for your posts. I'm going to either stop feeling sorry for myself or ask her if I could run with her too.

You've all helped me see this from other perspectives.

OP posts:

Flip