to ask my sister not to email my ex?

[unsurevalentine]

Split up with ex husband nearly 5 yrs ago. We have 3 kids he has access and pays maintenace etc.

Very very acrimonious divorce since 2 yrs ago he hooked up and moved in with an evil bitch lady who has destroyed mine and ex's friendship, made my life hell (tried to have me arrested in front of my kids) is generally mean and horrible to our kids when they visit, very contolling and has some weird grip over my ex, resulting in him behaving like a totally different person.

I have also moved on and am happy in a new relationship.

My older sister lives abroad, we have a rocky relationship, as she is very bossy and patronising to me and quite often unsupportive of my choices in life esp around my divorce, therefore I haven't filled her in on a lot of details although she knows a few of the goings on and has at times defended my ex to me (even though she has no idea what has happened) .

My problem is that she puts all her family pictures on a website and then emails out the link to all family and always cc's in my ex. This has included photos of me and my new partner and kids and old scanned in photos of me and ex and kids when we were together, including pictures of my neices and nephews etc (and extremely unflattering pictures of me taken while pregnant ). As far as I am aware he does not respond or communicate with her at all.

I just don't want all these images of my new life being shared with him and a women who quite clearly hates me and would use any ammunintion to bitch about me to my kids.

AIBU to feel upset about this and how to I ask her nicely not to do this anymore without startting WW3?

YANBU to ask her not to send pictures of you and your partner to him. The rest is a bit of a grey area.

YANBU. I believe that you have the right not to have your private business broadcast to all and sundry by anyone. You do not however have the right to stop her from sending pictures of her own children to him.

E-mail her and explain that as you have a difficult relationship with your Ex, you would like her not to e-mail him with details of your new life. Keep it short, be polite and if you can, nice.

I would email her and tell her some of what you have said here, and add that you hope she understands why you need to ask her not to give him access to the ex. Keep it factual and don't use intemperate language; it is harder for her to argue with her that way.

YANBU at all!

access to the family pictures!

I don't think yabu, Ive had sort of the same prob recently but it was fb, My Ex walked out on us 2 years ago, no contact since but a few months ago my sis accepted a friend request from him on fb,

It really upset me as he treated me and my kids like shit so why would she consider him a friend, I think he was just being nosey but it caused alot of upset in the family as certain family members thought I should just get over it,

My mum mostly who doesn't even own a computer and who has no idea what fb is about couldnt understand why I was upset, She had a right go at me, My sis deleted him in the end but I also deleted everything from my fb, as I felt as though my life was being invaded by him again.

YANBU. My family were also treacherous when I split up with my (abusive) ex, inviting him to all family functions (implication was that if I didn't want him there I needn't attend). They also believed they knew better than me and as far as they were concerned he was a wonderful guy. Just telling you my story as your sister sounds the same as my family. You could tell her you consider it inappropriate to still have contact with him (not to mention disloyal - but she won't see that I expect!) and would like her to stop. I think you're going to have to risk WW3 as, to be frank, do you want her in your life when she undermines you on crucial things like this? I would keep the email short and to the point, though not rude, angry or hostile. Is there anyone else in the family who supports you who could have a word with her about what she's doing?

Sorrytosay your family sound like mine. They have sat on the fence and defended him over me which is hard, I don't expect them to join in and slag him off but a bit of support would be nice. If anyone treated my sister the way he has treated me I would not be friends with them.

I think I also do feel upset as it us really disloyal and I've had a really tough time.

Valentine - you and me both. Yes, we have the same family and I had an incredibly tough time too. Their disloyalty did my head right in and I went into therapy to try to make some sense of it all. It did make sense - they are poisonous. I still see them but keep my distance and when our parents die I will disappear altogether from their lives.

valentine - My mum would still stop and chat to him in the street if she saw him which she did a few times as he still visited a few local people, even though he hasn't bothered with our kids for 2 years,

She doesn't know everything that went on cos I don't want her to know, I think she still thinks it was my fault he left although I can assure you it was his behaviour that made him leave in the end.

I just couldnt believe it when I saw my sis was friends with him on fb cos he allways used to take the piss out of me and the kids for having fb accounts, my dd was 15 and ds 13, I had many old school friends on there but deleted everyone when my sis accepted him as was so paranoid,

I would go so far as to not send her any pictures of you and your children.

If she cannot be trusted with them, then don't let her have them.

How about you email your sister asking her to remove all the pictures of you and your family. Explain that you don't want him to have access to them but you perfectly understand that you can't tell her who to send links to for her own photos.

That way you're not telling her who to communicate with and only asking her to remove the photos you have a right to have control over. That could be a smoother route to take.