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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in wanting to tell SIL a few home truths?

22 replies

BumWiper · 05/04/2011 20:34

SIL was here today moaning that the guy shes been on a couple of dates with has been contacted by his ex wanted to get back with him.SIL is fuming with the ex,got a hold of her number and sent her some nasty texts.She cant see how this is wrong.
Her last boyfriend broke up with her after a couple of months but she kept logging into his facebook account and reading his messages.

I really want to tell her that she acts completly obsesivly with any man that shows an interest,constant texting,ringing,where are you,who are you talking to etc.Not to be hurtful to her but just to save her from herself really.

AIBU

OP posts:
compo · 05/04/2011 20:36

Yabu
leave her to it
it doesn't harm you does it?

RottenRow · 05/04/2011 20:37

tempting as it is no good will come of it. YABNU for wanting to, but would be U to do it.

Balsam · 05/04/2011 20:38

YANBU wanting to say it but you shouldn't because you'll fall out with her. She won't change just because you tell her to.

Booandpops · 05/04/2011 20:38

Can understand yr temptation but she won't thank you and prob won't change either. She has to see the light for herself

Vent on here when it annoys you :)

midoriway · 05/04/2011 20:38

Just sit back, get some pop corn and watch everything from an anthropological perspective. It sounds like a fascinating train wreck.

MadamDeathstare · 05/04/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BumWiper · 05/04/2011 21:06

thought i was being a tad unreasonable.Just dont like to see her getting so stressed or upset really.I dont like to see anyone like that.Wish she wouldnt come and dump her problems all over me though.

OP posts:
MoonGirl1981 · 05/04/2011 21:09

Nah, the girl who's recieving the nasty texts will most likely tell both the bloke involved and the police.

They'll tell her.

springydaffs · 05/04/2011 21:18

YANBU. I would tell her, very kindly - probably not the way you've said it on here (try not to sound exasperated), but kindly. She may or may not thank you for it but it will stick with her and when she's despairing that relationships don't work out she will remember it. I don't know why the automatic response is to tell someone to butt out - probably to save your own skin. But it's not about you is it, I don't think you are wanting to say something for your sake but for hers - it sounds like she needs some kindly advice. If she is telling you blow by blow accounts then I assume she wants to hear some feedback.

Original poster
BumWiper · 05/04/2011 21:29

She never wants to hear negative feedback though.Like today she was giving out about the ex and said that the ex and man had broke up because the ex was too busy and withdrawn whilst her mother was in hospital.
I commented that it was understandable,the ex had a lot on her plate.But no,this was ex just being a bitch.

Ach I just want to tell her either pull herself up by her bra straps or wallow in self pity.Could blame it on being nine months pregnant Wink

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 21:32

She sounds like she has a personality disorder, i.e emotional instability disorder, or BPD. It would stem from something that happened in her childhood, could be the result of bad parenting.

She needs help but she has to see she has a problem herself unfortunately then she can seek help. It takes over a year in therapy to change a personality.

I'm waiting for the therapy myself. Hard to change habits of a lifetime.

Original poster
BumWiper · 05/04/2011 21:38

Can that come on all of a sudden though FabbyChic?Like she was grand until a couple of years ago,nothing really happened (as in no loss of a loved one,or job loss etc) she just kind of changed as regards relationships.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 05/04/2011 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BumWiper · 05/04/2011 21:48

Shes 40.Maybe thats it MadamDeathstare

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 21:54

She would be fine when in a settled relationship but not if in this case with the chasing etc.,

Does she spend a lot, collect things? buy stuff she doesn't need etc.,

Original poster
BumWiper · 05/04/2011 22:01

No shes quite sensible with money,in fact in all other areas of life.Shes succesful in her work,enjoys it,has a nice apartment,car,small debts,good social life.

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 05/04/2011 22:06

YANBU to want to save her from herself but don't do it as it won't make any difference. I have a friend who becomes an obsessive stalker with any man she likes and talks about them constantly as well as behaves in a way guaranteed to put any man off. She never takes any advice/hints, she will always do what she wants to do in the end.

nijinsky · 05/04/2011 22:10

I've got a friend who is always like that with men. Tried to tell her, to explain to her why they always walk (or run) away. (its the unblinking, silent, intense staring at the object of her affections thats the worst really) All her friends have. She always reverts. Its a waste of time.

Adversecamber · 05/04/2011 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springydaffs · 05/04/2011 22:19

It may be a waste of time but do it anyway - it may catch at some point! Don't wear yourself out saying it just state it, a number of times if necessary - you can't force her to change but you can present the voice of reason. See it like planting seeds that may one day grow.

As for being 40 - hmm clock ticking/desperation? Sad

sungirltan · 05/04/2011 22:22

if you care about her tell her!! she will hate you for a bit but after she's cooled off she might thank you for it

MadamDeathstare · 06/04/2011 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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