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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

accepting money from your children?

20 replies

littlewater · 05/04/2011 11:09

My mum got one of those tax man letters, saying that they did not tax her right. She has to pay it, but her job is on line and she may not have it in 6 months time.

i have some money that might help her, would she be offended?

OP posts:

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 11:11

Sorry but how on earth would anyone here know that?

Original poster

littlewater · 05/04/2011 11:13

would you be offended if your child gave you some money?

OP posts:

ajandjjmum · 05/04/2011 11:14

Offer it to her. Would it cause you problems if she was unable to pay it back?

honeybunmum · 05/04/2011 11:14

I would say it would totally depend on your relationship with her. You clearly love her and want to help so as long as you approach the offer in the right way, surely she won't be offended.

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 11:15

Well if I were to say yes or no...it still wouldn't make a difference because only you know your own Mum.

What do you personally think OP?

squeakytoy · 05/04/2011 11:20

Very rare that the taxman wants a lump sum from someone who is PAYE, they usually adjust the tax code to collect it via the payroll.

Original poster

littlewater · 05/04/2011 11:25

my mum would be unable to pay it back for ages.
The thing is my mum is very independent :). i think she would grateful, but she might get upset that i thought she needed the help.

she has a long term illness, that doesn't allow her to all the things she wants. however she does them anyway and then is pain for days :(.

OP posts:

JaneS · 05/04/2011 11:27

Late mother's day present? Would she accept that?

Original poster

littlewater · 05/04/2011 11:28

how about an early birthday present?

OP posts:

lesley33 · 05/04/2011 11:29

Offer it as a loan, but say you are no hurry for her to pay it back. If someone is proud, an offer of a loan is usually much easier to accept than a straight gift.

And if she worries about paying it back, you can always agree a few simple tasks she can do to "pay" it back.

iskra · 05/04/2011 11:30

Clearly this depends on your mother.

My dad couldn't get his mother to take the financial help she needed (because she's proud & stubborn). In the end he paid off her mortgage & another brother paid her the equity she owned, on the understanding that her will is adjusted to reflect this! So she got a lump sum & no more monthly mortgage repayments.

Original poster

littlewater · 05/04/2011 11:36

could i do that pay some of my mothers tax bill for her??

OP posts:

carat · 05/04/2011 11:48

Only give money you're prepared never to get back.

If she isn't able to pay if back, you have have to live with it.

lesley33 · 05/04/2011 13:53

I think we are all assuming it is not a loan - but phrasing it like this might make her accept the money. Or you could suggest she pays it back to you in her will - assuming she owns her house so will have money to leave.

FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 13:54

The tax she owes will be deducted from her wages via an altered tax code, there is no need to pay the tax.

Quenelle · 05/04/2011 14:03

I offered to lend my parents money a couple of years back. They accepted it without taking any offense.

tomhardyismydh · 05/04/2011 14:08

look into letter may be boguss, tax is normaly adjusted.

plupedantic · 05/04/2011 14:56

Presumably you love each other! If you are afraid of offending her, please offer it anyway, rather than risking her being too afraid/ ashamed to ask (not knowing your circumstances, etc.).

The proudest moment of my teen years was when I was able to lend my mother money, and I was very grateful to her for asking and letting me have the chance to help her. If you trust her, and she trusts you not to hold it over her head, it could be a special bond.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 05/04/2011 15:05

Unless it is over £2000, the tax man will issue a new PAYE code and the OP's mum will just pay more tax each month.
DH has just got a tax bill for some unpaid tax a couple of years ago (thanks to his ex-company fucking up his P11D!) and this is what he was told when he rang HMRC for advice. He got a letter last week advising of his new tax code.

Original poster

littlewater · 05/04/2011 19:03

the bill is over £2000.
well i mentioned about the money, and mum didn't say anything.
just a thank you, and i'll be ok.

thanks everyone

OP posts:

Flip