to tell DH there is nothing he can do?

[FoofffyShmoofffer]

My Dad died 2 years ago from Lung Disease (Fibrosing Alveolitis) which isn't caused by smoking or working with hazardouus materials but just awful random bad luck.
The first indicator apart fom his dreadful cough was that his fingers became a funny shape, clubbed at the tips and his nails became strangely shaped too.
DH asked me about this yesterday to verify that it was linked to the condition. When I told him yes he said that a lovely bloke at work, in his early 30s has fingers identical to Dad's and that considering the suffering my Dad went through he can't get it out of his mind.
I am postive he wants to say something but I've told him he MUST NOT.
A) What's he going to say? ' My Dad had fingers like yours and he's dead now'.
B) The guy might already know.
C) The guy probably would not thank him for bringing it up.

After my Dad's illness I could cry at the thought of someone else going through it.
AIBU to think that addressing this with the bloke in question would be a very BAD thing to do.

It depends.

Can anything be done if it's detected early?

There was a very similar thread a bit ago about someone who wondered if a friend of theirs might have - is it called marfins?

It's a tricky one. On one hand, you can't blunder in and shouldn't try to diagnose someone when you (by you I mean him ) simply are not qualified to do so.

However, is it wrong to share information? To share a concern? Without attempting to diagnose anything.

How often do people do it when you flag up the signs of, for example, autism. And that doesn't have the potential to kill you!!! You don't say you have X or even I think you have X, but you raise the issue.

So I think that it doesn't hurt to find a way to raise it. It just has to be done in the right way.

What might the outcome be?

He does have it and he already knows.
He doesn't know and he goes to the doctor and he DOES have it
He doesn't know and he goes to the doctor and he DOESN'T have it
He decides your husband is a plank and he doesn't go to the doctor

Well, this is a problem in itself. There is no specific treatment for this. It just means he would be closely monitored. There is nothing definitive that can be done until the patient is bad enough for a transplant. Until then they are given various inhalers/tablets. They help a little but it is easy to become tolerant to them in a short time.
Unfortunately my Dad was diagnosed quite late and died just 6 weeks after he was put on the transplant list.
I can't begin to imagine how you might address something like this.

If early detection doesn't help, then it's probably best not to say anything, unless your DH sees an opening (like the guy says, hmm, wonder what's up with my fingers?)

I'm sorry for your loss.

I suppose your DH could start a conversation solely about the fingers - as in "I've noticed your fingers - do you know why they're like that?". And take it from there. If the guy says "Yes, it's weird, I have no idea" then your DH at least has an opening - "My FIL had fingers like that and it turned out he had X - might be worth a trip to the GP".

He doesn't have to say in the first conversation that your father died (and I'm very sorry), he doesn't have to scare the wits out of him. But he could give him a nudge in the right direction - and if it does turn out he has the same condition, it could be that getting on the transplant list sooner rather than later makes a huge difference.

Hecate, it's funny you should mention the Marfans thread. It's partally because of that I was bloody careful how I worded the OP.

I also worry because IF DH was to approach him, with all the best intentions in the world, blunder might be the best way to describe how it could go.

He suggested last night approaching the Team Manager because she is lovely and approachable. I think that is a bad idea.

I worry about DHs conduct being brought into question if the guy were to react badly.

finger clubbing which is what you are describing is caused by several different things so the man at your dh's work may have an entirely different condition. See below (cut and pasted from wikipedia)

Clubbing is associated with:

* Lung disease:
      o Lung cancer, mainly non-small cell (54% of all cases), not seen frequently in small cell lung cancer (< 5% of cases)[6]
      o Interstitial lung disease
      o Tuberculosis
      o Suppurative lung disease: lung abscess, empyema, bronchiectasis, cystic fibrosis
      o Mesothelioma
      o A·V fistula
* Heart disease:
      o Any disease featuring chronic hypoxia
      o Congenital cyanotic heart disease (most common cardiac cause)
      o Subacute bacterial endocarditis
      o Atrial myxoma (benign tumor)
* Gastrointestinal and hepatobiliary:
      o Malabsorption
      o Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis
      o Cirrhosis, especially in primary biliary cirrhosis[7]
      o Hepatopulmonary syndrome, a complication of cirrhosis[8]
      o Laxative abuse
      o Polyposis
      o Esophageal CA
* Others:
      o Hyperthyroidism (thyroid acropachy)[9]
      o Familial and racial clubbing and "pseudoclubbing" (people of African descent often have what appears to be clubbing)
      o Vascular anomalies of the affected arm such as an axillary artery aneurysm (in unilateral clubbing)
      o Thymoma
      o Thalassemia

interstitial lung disease in your dad's case.

I wouldn't be saying anything in your dh's shoes, or if he says anything then something observational about his fingers looking unusual and have they lways been like that might be enough to get the guy to have a think about going to the doctor

I feel dreadful because it sounds like I don't want to help this man if it's possible to. That's not the case.

Exactly Hassled/Dreaming an opening to bring it up in conversation would be a Godsend and ideal to kind of 'get it out there'.

It's a fast moving office they don't sit at the same desk every day. He would have to orchestrate a 'chance' meeting.

ok. what happens if you raise the issue? he gets checked out or he chooses not to. If he gets checked out he either has it or he doesn't. if he has it, then there are limited things that they can do. but they can do something and caught early he has a better chance. if he doesn't, then no problem

otoh, if you say nothing, well, he either has it or he doesn't. if he doesn't then nothing. if he does, he may find out anyway and have the treatments or he may never find out and he'll die from it.

Your husband isn't a doctor. He can't diagnose this man. He may say something and look like an almighty fool. Or not. Who knows?

But what is the worst thing that could happen?

And, importantly, how could this man be harmed by raising the issue and how could he be harmed by not.

imo, it's all in how you say what you say.

Like autism (which I refer to because I know about it, not because I am tring to change the subject) there is a difference between saying to someone "Your child has autism" or even "I think your child has autism" and saying "X likes lining things up, doesn't he?" or "X isn't very keen on looking at you, do you know why at all?" or something along those lines. or even mentioning something you've read in a conversational way, and happening to list the symptoms in an isn't that interesting way and hoping they see something.

Good God YD I had no idea.
Is it awful that I feel a little better knowing that it isn't just linked to the one thing?

So DH could mention it in passing without thinking that he is inadvertently handing the guy a death sentence on a plate.

Plenty of those conditions listed are serious stuff aren't they but any number might be more treatable/manageable than the lung disease.

I think he should not go to the team manager as that could put some risk to the colleague's career.

What is the purpose of the colleague finding out that he potentially has something which cannot be cured or treated? Is this an inherited condition so the colleague could pass it on to children? If the colleague cant do anything about the condition and cant pass it on then what does the knowledge give him?

Yes, I am looking at this from a very literal POV. There are many ways he could approach this without it looking like he is doom-mongering. Even the 'something I have read' approach would be ok wouldn't it?

I know he desperately wants to mention it, the idea of it was really upsetting him last night.

I know someone who was approached in Disneyland by a total stranger about a spot on her leg and told to go to the doctor urgently.

It was a skin cancer that could have killed her if she hadn't had treatment - she thought it was just a funny spot that would go away.

Not sure what i am trying to say - just that doing nothing may not be the best option.

As Yellow dinosaur said, this is clubbing. It is quite common, and in many cases is familial; not because of disease at all. However, as a doctor, if I saw someone like that I would always ask about it; ideally the man should see his GP IF his fingers haven't always been like that. (I have done this on several occasions when I have seen something that needs obvious attention that I think the person may not have noticed; several blatant skin cancers in my time, an undiagnosed pregnancy in a friend etc. It does help to be able to say "I hope you don't mind me mentioning, but I'm a doctor and I just noticed...", but I think its reasonable for anyone to do it in a sensitive and not pushy way.)

Thanks so much for all your input. I think I shall show this thread to DH tonight as I know he will have been worrying and listening for the poor bloke coughing or something.

Clubbing can often be a sign of heart problems so I would get him to say something. It is sad that for your Dad it was a sign of something terminal but that is not always the case.