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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

hi, single dad here, new to this wonders if mums can give advice

46 replies

Heresjonny · 05/04/2011 02:45

just looking for advice

OP posts:

dontcallmepeanut · 05/04/2011 03:48

18 months is fine to sleep on a pillow. DS (darling son) had a pillow from that age. That said, he was sleeping in a bed by that age, but that was just due to circumstances, not what you should be aiming for. That said, it may take her time to get used to it. maybe start with a well used (flattened) pillow... DS has worked up to a pillow and a cushion he's very attatched to.

Original poster

Heresjonny · 05/04/2011 03:49

again, i answered someone else

OP posts:

Makudonarudo · 05/04/2011 03:49

In her cot, or in your bed?

Mine slept in my bed with me, and never had pillows on 'their side' of the bed but did end up sneaking onto mine by 18 months. If she's strong enough to move things off her in her sleep and there's no way anything could get trapped on her face (side railings etc), I'd think you'd be okay. I believe standard advice is from 12 months?

If she's in her cot, don't use a full-sized pillow. You can get small, flat 'cot bed' ones. Could buy one for her to have if she's co-sleeping with you, too, I guess!

Makudonarudo · 05/04/2011 03:51

Jonny, people just post, it's fine if there's posts out of order.

If you put an asterix * on each side of a person's name, it will bold it. That can help make it clear who you were responding to.

Jonny - like that :)

Original poster

Heresjonny · 05/04/2011 03:51

thanks, dont callmepeanut, you girls just seem to know

OP posts:

dontcallmepeanut · 05/04/2011 03:51

Maku's right. Anything before 12 months; no pillow. After that, it's down to your judgement and what your child feels comfortable with.

wabbit · 05/04/2011 03:53

My DS is 5 and he still only has very flat little pillow but I know a 2year old who cannot get comfy without a pillow in his bed.

It's most usual not to have pillows in a cot -never for little babies but even for older babies - and to leave providing a pillow until Little One moves into a bed.

Does your daughter co-sleep? if so she's probably used to having a pillow and will cope with one on her own

Original poster

Heresjonny · 05/04/2011 03:53

thanks mak, i just feel better knowing i'm not doing anything wrong

OP posts:

Original poster

Heresjonny · 05/04/2011 03:56

hi wabbit, it's just that i've not done this before, it's nice to hear what other people did

OP posts:

Makudonarudo · 05/04/2011 03:57

To be honest, most of my parenting techniques were guesswork/seeing what my kids liked (or cried least with!), and a fair amount of googling!

I don't think anyone 'just knows' what to do. And what's in the guidelines and what an individual child likes aren't always the same thing. In fact they rarely are!

For example, my middle son doesn't sleep on a pillow though there's one in his bed and has been for years. My eldest boy used to drape himself over cuddly toys given half the chance and still likes a big pouffy pillow.

Makudonarudo · 05/04/2011 03:59

I bet you're doing a great job jonny.

Bet you twenty quid that every parent you think is really sorted and knowledgable about parenting is winging it most of the time :)

kickassangel · 05/04/2011 03:59

dd is 7, still doesn't like a pillow. so long as you're not doing anything dangerous, there's v little that is actually 'wrong'. kids don't suffer in silence - they'll let you know if they don't like what you try.

Original poster

Heresjonny · 05/04/2011 04:00

i just hate my mum telling me what she did with me a long time ago in a galaxy far far awy

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dontcallmepeanut · 05/04/2011 04:02

jonny DS always protested very loudly about whatever he liked or didn't like. Now he can vocalise it better, I get demands for "Jessie", "Pirate Cushion" and "iggle piggle blanket" to be draped over him or in his bed before he'll even accept a kiss goodnight... Imagine the horrors we had when he left Jessie at nursery

Makudonarudo · 05/04/2011 04:04

Mums are always doing that. It's confusing sometimes because advice has changed since then - a good example is that back in the dark ages the advice was to put babies to sleep on their front, and now it's that they must sleep on their backs. I don't know about you, but my mum gets offended if I tell her I'm doing things differently than she did, which doesn't help!

You and your daughter are a team and you're learning together. Like kickassangel says, she'll let you know if she's not happy with something or if she'd like it done differently. 18 month olds are pretty good at that if I remember correctly ;)

dontcallmepeanut · 05/04/2011 04:04

And all mum's do that, Jonny... My mum was a classic... I was a bad mum for co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and not being too keen on leaving him to cry... just take it with a pinch of salt, and do what works for you and DD. (DD = darling daughter)

Original poster

Heresjonny · 05/04/2011 04:08

i was just kidding

OP posts:

dontcallmepeanut · 05/04/2011 04:15

Confused... Just kidding about what?

BitOfFun · 05/04/2011 04:18

Original poster

Heresjonny · 05/04/2011 04:19

hey, guys, i just read through my thread, i didn't mean nothin.

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hecate · 05/04/2011 07:04

Gosh, you must have had a rough night, being up between 2odd and 4odd am. Baby not sleeping at night? that's also something people could advise on.

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