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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not sharing the sex of an unborn baby

48 replies

yummybump · 04/04/2011 22:09

AIBU if i don't (or any other people for that matter) share the sex of their unborn baby?
Me and OH don't know yet- though we do have it in an envelope (family/friends are aware we could find out if we want to), the sonographer was not 100% as the baby's legs were staying crossed. She says about 70/30 but not to "gurantee". We are still deciding whether to or not, and if we do we won't be telling anyone else. For a few reasons;
We don't want people to be tempted to buy us girl/boy clothes "just in case it turns out not to be that sex"
We fear family members (a few are vocally stating which sex they do want) may be "dissapointed" and get there hopes up
We just want to keep it to ourselves.
Its been a week.. and me and OH are still deciding i think we will find out maybe later tonight.
But, AIBU for not sharing?

OP posts:

cowboylover · 05/04/2011 01:44

I feel sometimes like its bit of an envasion of privacy as I have never been asked so many questions by strangers in my life but then at the same time have seen the nice side of many people so well worth it.

Its totally your call what you decide to do!
We found out the sex and told our families so now everyone knows as some very over excited facebooking future great aunts ect but only me, DH and MN know the name shortlist of 2. Some where a bit strange when I said im not saying so nowI just say we will see on the day as its easier and now so tempted to say its nothing to do with them

onceamai · 05/04/2011 06:16

Shred the envelope. When we had ours it wasn't the norm to know. I cannot describe the sheer joy of a newborn baby being put into my arms and discovering then the sex; first the adorable baby smell and then the bonding .....and then the finding out the sex of a tiny bundle already loved and delivered safely into the world. If you haven't experienced it, you will never know it and what it was meant to be like. A little of the mystery has been stolen and it's an experience that is incomparable - far better than the vaunted "perfect birth" and one more easily in reach of everyone.

goingroundthebend4 · 05/04/2011 06:40

When I had dd and then later on ds3 I really did not know as the hospital don't tell you it's their policy but no bugger really believed me .First I knew was when the Dr told me as she was born same with ds3

ChairOfTheBored · 05/04/2011 06:51

YANBU - t'is your pregnancy, your baby, your choice. Even if you do decide to be smug about it frankly.

manticlimactic · 05/04/2011 07:49

It's your pregnancy so YANBU.

I didn't want to know what I was having so we didn't get told. It wasn't until I was in the delivery room and the nurse came in with pink towels that it twigged. I did ask her what was with the pink towels and she just said 'Oooh I just have a feeling'. My xP was none the wiser (he was too engrossed with the tv,lol)

Roxstar2909 · 27/07/2016 19:07

Went for my 20 week scan Monday and stressed to the sonographer that I didn't want to know the sex of baby, it was fine - came away none the wiser. Today however I went for an appointment with a consultant and had a scan - after about 30 seconds into it she asked if I knew the sex of the baby and I said no , and I said I didn't want to find out... She then replied " I'm surprised you didn't see it! It's really obvious" which implies to me that it's a boy. Now I know the main thing is that he/she's healthy but I was quite upset and annoyed she suggested that - could she have been suggesting a girl? I'm hoping this could be a possibility. Has anyone else had this issue with not wanting to find out?? And do you think she's completely given it away??? Thanks xx

areyoubeingserviced · 27/07/2016 19:15

I think that she has given it away .
When I had my second dc I told the sonographrr that I didn't want to know the sex of the baby. She agreed that she would not tell me. However, she then began to refer to the baby as 'she ' .She tried to retract her comments, but it was too late.
My baby was indeed. 'She'

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/07/2016 19:18

THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THE SEX OF THE CHILD PROBABLY IS NO LONGER A SECRET

Whinyleonard · 27/07/2016 19:25

All of this hyper sensitive stuff about people asking things? I have done it in the past but it's more out of discomfort than rudeness. Sometimes people act like they must be acknowledged because nobody ever had a baby before. To be honest, I have no interest in other people's bumps or babies at all. Seen one, seen em all.

TurquoiseDress · 27/07/2016 19:27

Her reply would make me think it was a boy- but she really shouldn't have said anything at all if you had already said you didn't wish to know the sex!

CurlyMoo · 27/07/2016 19:31

The "I know what we're having but keeping it is a secret" is sort of like posting a dramatic FB post and when people ask you what is up they respond with "can't say" Does anyone (apart from immediate family) really care anyway?

TurquoiseDress · 27/07/2016 19:33

CurlyMoo yes I definitely agree with that!

Ilikegin · 27/07/2016 19:34

We were going to find out but make out we hadn't but I was too worried I'd slip up and tell one person who would then tell someone else and so on! I was then worried people would be annoyed thinking we had lied! (Which I suppose we would have been) and if we did the whole we know but not saying people would just pester and pester, people are still doing this with the name which we are definitely not sharing til the day and it's annoying! Our reasons were similar didn't want all pink or blue stuff! We ended up telling people the sex and I've loved being able to buy specifically girly things! Good luck whatever you decide

Ilikegin · 27/07/2016 19:35

Ha zombie thread.. Oops!

Cantusethatname · 27/07/2016 19:49

I also hated it when people said that they knew but weren't telling. I just felt like saying, look, I honestly don't care, and even if you tell me I won't remember. I am just making polite conversation.

Floggingmolly · 27/07/2016 19:50

Does anyone actually want to know before it's born? Apart from the parents, obviously... I really don't think so.

mrsfuzzy · 27/07/2016 19:55

may be i'm missing the point but some members of the family saying what sex they want ??? isn't it a bit late for that? lo arrives then "sorry nurse, wrong gender, can i have another try ?"

HerRoyalNotness · 27/07/2016 20:00

Ha, I hope the OP is still around and can tell us what she had!

AyeAmarok · 27/07/2016 20:01

This.

I know a few people who have done this and they are all slightly knobbish. Nobody really cares whether it's a boy or girl. Your baby is not the centre of anyone else's universe, other than yours! Screams of attention-seeking drama-llama behaviour to me.

Either find out or don't. But don't be one of those people. Plus, if it's a 30% chance it's wrong then there's not much point in you "knowing" either.

ChatterNatterer · 27/07/2016 20:08

The "I know what we're having but keeping it is a secret" is sort of like posting a dramatic FB post and when people ask you what is up they respond with "can't say" hmm Does anyone (apart from immediate family) really care anyway?

This!

APocketfulOfStars · 27/07/2016 20:10

I don't see how it's precious and smug to find out but not want to tell everyone. It's your business, not theirs. I didn't find out but I think that's mainly because I'm stubborn, and once MIL had asked if she could be told (after coming to the 12 week scan with us and I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to find out, so didn't want to know at that point), even though I didn't know, I refused to find out. DH wanted to know....he wasn't allowed . I only found he was a he when he weed on me as soon as he arrived!

bloodymaria · 27/07/2016 20:12

may be i'm missing the point but some members of the family saying what sex they want ??? isn't it a bit late for that?

Yep, about five years too late. The baby will be starting school.

Roxstar2909 · 27/07/2016 20:50

What is a zombie thread?! Lol

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