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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Find This A Really Annoying Question?

24 replies

nijinsky · 04/04/2011 21:56

I live in a small country cottage with DP. Actually its semi-rural, about half a mile from the nearest town, not remote or isolated. Its next to a main road and I have two near neighbours. Why is it then that visiting male tradesmen feel the need to ask "Do you live here by yourself?". Even if I did, of what relevance is it? Recently, on having to call an ambulance to take me to hospital with a lung infection, even the ambulance men couldn't restrain themselves. "I don't mean to be personal, but do you live here on your own?"

Why? Why do they ask these stupid questions?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 04/04/2011 21:59

Why do you think they're asking you?

Original poster
nijinsky · 04/04/2011 22:00

I have no idea! They seem to be kind of shocked or disaproving that a woman should live in such a location on her own. Maybe I am supposed to live in a flat in town and have an ever present husband who does not work?

OP posts:
marmaladetwatkins · 04/04/2011 22:01

They're going to get you. At night.

Joking.

onepieceoflollipop · 04/04/2011 22:03

It's nosy and (imo) a bit insensitive too.
If they are suggesting that if you live alone and your location is vulnerable for some reason then perhaps they should realise you might have considered that. If you did live alone, and were the "nervous" type, it's not very reassuring.
Perhaps they are just making rather clumsy chit chat?

storminabuttercup · 04/04/2011 22:26

maybe they fancy you and its a clumsy way of finding out if you are available.

unless you live in midsummer (sp?)

Original poster
nijinsky · 04/04/2011 22:30

Does anyone else who lives in a rural area get this question? I certainly don't find it scary and would happily live here on my own. I doubt they fancied me, particularly the ambulance men taking me to hospital. Maybe it is the area - its mainly built up with lots of new build housing estates. It just made me feel really awkward.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 04/04/2011 22:32

I'd go with stormins suggestion that you live in an area with a lot of organised murderers for you to get more than one checking out your joint Grin

Or they could just be big girls blouses and living in an isolated cottage would shit them up if they lived on their own and think it needs pointing out to you?

It'd shit me up whether DH was there or not, I like to be within shouting distance of lots of help Grin

Northeastgirl · 05/04/2011 11:03

Bizarre question from tradesmen. I'd be tempted to ask "Just out of curiosity why do you ask that?" but be prepared to be asked out on a date, if that's why they were asking.

Perhaps not so bizarre from ambulance staff, needing to know if the house should be secured / burglar alarm set / could you return to stay there on your own after a hospital stay

Do you have extremely feminine taste / dolls and frills everywhere, so they're all thinking "Does a guy really live in this house?"

Northeastgirl · 05/04/2011 11:04

.............and if it's the last possibility - why would they care anyway? None of their concern

louloudia · 05/04/2011 11:06

i would expect a paramedic to ask

he may want to know if you want someone to accompany you to hospital, contact someone to let them know you are poorly etc - you might be leaving small kids unattended for all they know. They need to know these things

as for the tradesmen, probably just making polite conversation, dont be so prickly

Original poster
nijinsky · 05/04/2011 11:37

Ambulance men had already asked if there was someone who could collect me. It was completely out of the blue. Two different tradesmen, there to install my satellite dish and other stuff, all of them prefaced with "I don't mean to be funny but" and "I don't mean to be personal, but" "do you live here on your own?"

Quite an upmarket area, no burglaries, nice tidy small house. Always during working hours so surely not unusual not to find a husband or boyfriend there.

Does no-one else get this? I think its the area I'm in and they think theres something wrong with a woman living on her own, and they think I need to be rescued from it? Either that or they fancy living there themselves and hoping for a vacancy.

Mind you, I once stopped off for a takeaway in Stonehaven and mentioned I was driving back to Edinburgh, and the guy behind the counter said, in sheer astonishment, "What, on our own?"

OP posts:
Original poster
nijinsky · 05/04/2011 11:38

on your own

OP posts:
pgpg · 05/04/2011 11:48

I think you must look like the sort of person men would like to look after Wink, do you have big eyes, or a sweet smile?

I'm semi-serious. My sister attracts men who seem to be very protective towards her. She's older than I am, but has a very attractive vulnerability about her. I don't (bugger).

Asinine · 05/04/2011 11:53

Tell them it's just you and your husband who is in the SAS, back tonight, and your two sets of twins and the Rottweilers, who you've chained out the back 'cos they're not good with strange men. That should do the trick.

Asinine · 05/04/2011 11:55

Just thinking, do you look very young? People used to ask me if my mum was in all the time. They've stopped now, though Sad

TotemPole · 05/04/2011 11:57

Do you look too young to drive?

TotemPole · 05/04/2011 11:57

Sorry, I didn't mean you asinine. I meant the OP, with the shocked take away guy.

PigWhisperer · 05/04/2011 11:59

I suspect it is because they want to know if you are married and if you are, whether it is you or your husband who makes decisions about engaging tradesmen!

Someone came to my house recently and when I refused his kind offer of cleaning the roof he said he said he might come back later to "have a word with my husband about it and see if he wants it done"

Grrrrrrr.

Original poster
nijinsky · 05/04/2011 12:23

Christ, I look young for my age but not so young that you would be concerned that I would be alone in my own house in the middle of the day, or do a 2 hour drive on my own! I look at least late twenties!

I suspect its a combination of wanting to speak to the "man of the house"/looking young/not being able to cope with a house that isn't in a housing estate. Bloody annoying. I'm not in the least bit vulnerable, often holiday abroad on my own and never worry about it!

Is it really so unusual to be in 2011 for woman to be in a house on your own, or undertake a car journey on her own! Argh.

OP posts:
ZacharyQuack · 05/04/2011 12:26

Tell them that you share with seven dwarves, but they've gone off to work.

pgpg · 05/04/2011 12:29

My sister is 55, doesn't seem to stop men feeling protective towards her! I suspect the idea that "the man of the house" might be the one to make a decision may indeed have some bearing on it....however infuriating that might be!

Crystyclear · 05/04/2011 12:34

i get this and i do live in the middle of nowhere... mind you so does everyone round here. the villages have v. small populations and public transport is an annual event!

it's perfectly fine and safe and lovely. air ambulance is never more than 10 mins away, which is faster than a lot of cities!

Original poster
nijinsky · 05/04/2011 12:38

It wasn't really anything that needed a decision to be made on it though...

Crystylclear thank goodness, someone else gets this too! Its a lot safer here than in a town, my nearest neighbour would hear me if I screamed, and if not, his dogs certainly would, and the neighbours I share a drive with would notice if anything was wrong.

I just find it an annoying attitude! What if I did live there on my own? I wouldn't particularly want to be telling people that.

OP posts:
cookcleanerchaufferetc · 05/04/2011 12:56

On a serious note if anyone ever asks if you live on your own, unless you fancy the pants off someone you should always say no for safety reasons.

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