to put up and shut up??

11 replies

Itberete · 04/04/2011 20:50

ive been with my husband for four years, we have had a rollercoaster ride to say the least.. he works away so during the week its just my daughter and i then weekends its family time, i find myself missing him then when he returns i wish him back to work!! am i the only one who feels this way? today i am happy with my little life but tomorrow could be a whole different story, sorry for myself, wishing i had the gumption to give him up and everything we have just to be free.... im waiting for his next f**k up if im honest and ive been through so much that ive no feelings left?! so i just have days where i plod on..... how wrong is this??!! .... i am mega confused to say the least! ...

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scottishmummy · 04/04/2011 21:03

what's going on that youre in such turmoil.when you say waiting for next fuck up-what has happened?why do you feel trapped and need to be free.Any pals,family to support you.

MorticiaAddams · 04/04/2011 21:09

I'm not so sure about the second part of your post as it sounds as though you really don't want to be with his but the first part is quite common amongst people whose partners work away. I don't have this situation myself but have several friends whose partners are away for days or sometimes weeks at a time and they miss them desperately but when they come back they find they mess up the routine and still get annoyed with them.

Original poster

Itberete · 04/04/2011 21:12

hhmmm... ok... long story short ish.. he has cheated once that i know of, about 3 years ago..since then he has been caught messaging vis txt,email, facebook etc etc...... all of this is worked through then it happens again..alongg with this my husband has had emotional issues (father died tragically, along with childhood issues) he has been supported and encouraged to seek help..... never has.. and over time his aggression toward me has become worse... we got married in november, whilst on honeymoon i discovered more 'chat' things with various women, we have had a turbulent few months but things appear ok at the min.. but then i think its just another calm before the storm.. im trying not to sound like im moaning...at the end of the day i love him to bits and i keep giving him the opportunities to change but i wonder how much more do i put myself through??? im not explaining myself very well.... support wise i do have my parents who now, after the honeymoon and my devastation were told the full extent, they have been great and just want me to be happy...... so, just curious to hear from other people.... :)

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scottishmummy · 04/04/2011 21:17

no personal experience of what you describe but my god you need a good pal.thats a lot to pack in a short time with him,and frankly no wonder you just want to run away. you need to do something for yourself some studying, a hobby.something anything that gives you bit more purpose and feel less dependent upon him and less frustrated

WriterofDreams · 04/04/2011 21:18

Your mention of aggression rings alarm bells - what do you mean that his aggression has become worse?

sweetigilly · 04/04/2011 21:19

Itberete

You already know the answer, don't you?

scottishmummy · 04/04/2011 21:21

oh god is someone going to say leave him mn catch all answer

scottishmummy · 04/04/2011 21:24

what do you want to do.what is your ideal solution?how eoould you fill in the blanks "i wish...."

Original poster

Itberete · 04/04/2011 21:26

hobby wise im well packed! lol.. i never stop in keeping myself busy, as for dependance, it isnt that, i dont need him in my life and that much he knows and dislikes at times...but thats who i am.... its the oure frustration of his behaviour... the last couple of weeks has been lovely though, but he thinks all is forgotten when it isnt, why are men so fickle??!!! .. aggression wise... without sounding like a complete idiot... there have been a few call outs to the police.. he was arrested nye for attacking me at a friends all that occurred as i told her how shit my newly married life was! and i shouldnt be talking to people about our personal life (well imnot one to keep quiet ill be honest!!) ... he is verbally aggressive and can be very intimidating i.e screaming in your face!...
i find myself confused as i know i dont need him, yet i want him?! when things are good, they are fantastic, but when they start to go downhill, i fear for what might happen... im a level headed person.. and i know whats right and wrong but jeeeesssss!!! do i put up and shut up and hope for the best?! or am i waiting for the worst?! lol.. i confuse myself! ha....

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Original poster

Itberete · 04/04/2011 21:29

sweetgilly - your right i do know the answer, yet i havent left?! :( i keep waiting for the perfect life to appear.... ?

scottishmummy - perfect solution? him realising what an arse he has been and changing for life! lol... i know the reply to that ladies... ;)

he appears at the minute to have turned a corner, but i have to be honest, i hang on to all he has done and its the first thing to be brought in to an arguement so at times i fuel the nightmare that pursues..... fighting a losing battle?!

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scottishmummy · 04/04/2011 21:30

it is usual to have such extreme highs and lows,and you dont have to sustain this.dont kid yourself on true love is a roller coaster,gotta fight for this love kind of shit.if he makes you unhappy - something has to change.but you know that already i think.hence the post

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