To not let a known theif into my house?

[Rockmaiden]

Bit of background:

My partner has a cousin who lives several miles away from us. I have never met this boy and know nothing about him. I do know from other family members that he has stolen items from their homes several times in the past. Their was one incident recently where he stole from a relative and was caught trying to sell the items which resulted in being arrested and charged, no not just gossip.

Anyway this cousin has called my partner to say they are coming near us tomorrow as visiting friends and can they come round. My gut instinct is no, I don't want a thief in my home. My partner trusts him and says he won't steal from us but he has stolen from his own parents.

An added complication is that I will not be here at the time of the visit as have a prior appointment and whilst my partner says she will supervise the cousin I do not believe she will as she clearly trusts him and so why would she.

Am I over-reacting or would you not allow a person like this into your home?

I'd make it very clear that I did not want this person in the house. I'd remove everything easily 'pinchable', lock up everything I could.

I'd also say that it is on her head. If anything goes missing, she will NEVER hear the end of it!

My worry would be that he would behave well the first time, then she would say "look, I told you" then she'd let him come again (and again) and that's when he'd start stealing from you.

Other option is to cancel your appointment and be there, stick to him like glue and make it VERY clear that you don't trust him as far as you could spit out a rat.

YADNBU, in fact I think your DP is. Apart from the theft aspect, the idea that your son should give up his sensory room when he will most need it is unreal.
I really hope it all goes well for you, but I've a bad feeling that it probably wont'.
We had some friends to stay a couple of months ago, when they'd visited in the past I had noticed that small things had disappeared, DDs penknife for example. This time it was our camera and I am very cross indeed. I can't prove that it was shittypants who took it, but coincidentally it wasn't there when they'd left.

How did you get on, OP?

All ok actually.

Me and the children went to go and stay with my friend as planned, I ended up taking loads of stuff from the house, the kind of things that can't be replaced mostly (nan's engagement ring etc.)

OH cousin came, slept over and went and everything seems to be all in one place so perhaps I did mis-judge him or he is trying to gain trust first.

Had a blazing row with my partner however about her not listening to my concerns etc. Still really annoyed about having to leave my own home but over and done with now.

Worst bit is that as the cousin was apparantly so well behaved my partner now thinks even more that I was over-reacting and being silly.

or perhaps cousin was "well-behaved" as you had removed all the stuff that he would have nicked.

Terrible rock and a hard place, isn't it? Maybe he has no intention to steal from you ever, maybe this was a 'sizing-up' trip to see what might be available to steal on a second trip. Maybe he would have stolen but you hid everything he would have wanted to steal. You may never know - in fact hopefully you never will, in that this was a genuine one-off visit to your town and he doesn't ask to stay again.

So, in the first place: glad it all went okay and you still have all your stuff, particularly those things with sentimental value. I've been the victim of burglary and arson but I've also known friends who've had their grandma's engagement ring nicked and I know which one I would prefer (mine). BUT at some point you may be forced to confront your dp's attitude towards this boy; given what you've posted I just don't think it was reasonable..

Isn't your DP's thoughtlessness with regard to your child a bit of an issue?