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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be thoroughly pissed off?

38 replies

dontcallmepeanut · 04/04/2011 19:10

Back in January, I loaned my SIL a small amount. Well, £600. This came about, as, due to my student loan, I get paid every 4 months, as opposed to weekly/monthly basis. She said I would be paid back by the end of March.

So, end of March has been and gone. Unfortunately, a few weeks back a debt that ex-DP had wrung up in my name resurfaced, with threats of court action. I paid this off, but it meant I was left significantly short of March's childcare bill. Joy. Now, ex-DP is being a bit of a twat about being asked to contributey to repaying the debt. In fact, when approached about it, he replied with a text message accusing me of wrecking his life "again"...

Now, SIL is fully aware of the financial shit I'm in until May. I'm likewise aware that SIL is awaiting for her mortgage. She's said when that gets paid, she'll be repaying me. My brother is working full time, and I'm aware that they've been out to dinner, for drinks, even had a lavish christening for their son, which I'm not going to begrudge them. But when I asked for them to repay a little bit of the loan, SIL replied that they couldn't afford to.

AIBU in thinking that it would be the decent thing for one of them to say "ok, we can't pay the full amount back yet, but we'll pay back what we can afford"? Or am I just being a class bitch?

OP posts:
Bloodymary · 05/04/2011 11:28

YANBU, your sister in law is a class A bitch.
As my dear old Granny used to say, 'neither a borrower nor a lender be'

QueenStromba · 05/04/2011 12:21

I think going to your university is definitely a good idea. Even if you can't get money from the hardship fund again they might be able give you a loan which you'll have to pay back when your student loan comes in or something. Having this down as mitigating circumstances is also a good idea in case your exam results are affected by this - they do have the power to bump you up a degree class if you are close to the borderline.

As for the Virgin debt, I've had utility companies set debt collectors on me for bills racked up after I moved out a few times and not once have they taken me to court over it. If Virgin told you that they'd changed the name on the account then they were probably just chancing their arms trying to get you to pay. Letters from debt collection agencies always say that they'll take you to court if you don't pay in seven days but that's just a scare tactic. If any other utilities come chasing you then stand firm, remind them that you informed them that you had moved, if you had an account with them in the new place then point that out to them and tell them that the person who owes them the money is your ex.

mollymole · 05/04/2011 13:21

YANBU - please in future never , ever lend to family - in fact try to never lend to any one (apart from a few quid to buy a lunchtime sarnie or something)

Iwantscallops · 05/04/2011 13:31

Does your brother know about the loan? If not, I would ask him for the cash. Your SIL is totally out of order.

Original poster
DontCallMePeanut · 26/04/2011 17:54

Update:

So, my SIL has explained what's going on. Apparently, she has a large sum of money coming in (talking 5 figures here) but for some reason the solicitor won't release it. Somehow, despite DB working every hour god sends, they're still "skint" so can't pay me back.

I confronted them a couple of weeks back, during which my DB started with the whole "alll the favours we've done for you", and even "you should have budgeted better" Hmm DS's nursery place has been suspended, until I can pay the amount back (in May). No matter what I say to DB or SIL, nothing seems to be getting through that they ARE in the wrong. DB offered to pay me back with some of his wages, but as of yet nothing...

:( I'm just so pissed off that I made this mistake of thinking they could be trusted.

OP posts:
Xales · 26/04/2011 18:00

You should have budgeted better, they are the ones who had to borrow from you.

Please never lend them a penny again. Your son is more important than their drinks and meals out. They don't consider him to be Sad

Xales · 26/04/2011 18:03

You can complete a form to take them to small claims court (with your costs added in) and fax it to them to let them know you are serious. They may shift their butts a little faster then. You will have to decide if to take it further as your SIL may never get this mythical money.

FabbyChic · 26/04/2011 18:05

You are perfectly allowed to be pissed off, you should never have lent them the money, you are now in the shit and they don't give a fuck, you are a student not a money lender.

Original poster
DontCallMePeanut · 26/04/2011 18:05

I know, Xales. I'm truly mortified at their attitude to this. The other day, I took DS out for the afternoon (cost £20, which I raided from the loose change jar). Their reaction? "Oh, have you come into some money?" I just got to the point I was feeling so guilty, cos he's seen me so stressed recently. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
DontCallMePeanut · 26/04/2011 18:08

Xales, I may just do that. Thank you. I know, Fabby, but at the time, felt "oh, there's been all these times they've helped me out, and they've given me a date it'd be paid back". Yet they made me feel bad about paying £40 back late whilst I was still on benefits.

OP posts:
hairylights · 26/04/2011 18:28

YANBU. She owes the money and the deadline agreed to pay it back has passed. What a bloody cheek!!

janajos · 26/04/2011 19:04

My grandfather gave us all great advice when we were younger; never lend what you can't afford to lose! I never 'lend' money, I always give what i can afford and no more. Have been burned in the past though! Good luck sorting this out.

janajos · 26/04/2011 19:05

btw, yanbu

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