to expect a mothers day card/show of appreciation?

5 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 04/04/2011 18:08

DD, 13, spent her own pocket money and got me a lovely card, some make up brush cleaner (that i really wanted) and some thorntons chocs.

DS, 19, with his own money, and despite being reminded by both DH and DD all week, gave me a card, late on, yesterday evening, after i had cooked and washed etc, he had said the day before (when i paid for him to come and eat out with us) that he had got me something "generic" - which was obviously a lie because i actually got sod all.

He does have aspergers but, he has managed, off his own back, to get his "girlfriend" a necklace for when he finally meets up with her this week. (it has been a cyber relationship so far...) so im thinking he does have the ability to think about others...just not me.

for 19 years i have scrimped and saved to provide him with all he needed including paying for a tutor throughout his schooling, i forfeited any kind of career for myself up until this year so i could be at home for him and his sister, and i fought like a tiger to get him the help he needed through school, then college, and now in his working life i find he looks to me to do the same, so would it have been unreasonable to expect a thank you now he is just about an adult? my DD is cross with him, DH says he has given up and i am hurt. i dont want to be, but i am. bloody thankless task this parenting lark.

i actually think that when he does eventually fly the nest that could well be the last i hear from him unless i do all the work.

OP posts:

lilyliz · 04/04/2011 20:21

poor you ,it's horrible to feel like this but probably your present money went to the girlfriends necklace.All the fighting and sacrificing you did for him will mean nothing to him,he didnt ask you to do it and you are his mum so it's taken for granted thats what parents do,and we do.He will be preoccupied with the girl thing as most boys his age are.

lilyliz · 04/04/2011 20:25

just to let you know my SIL has three 38yrs,36yrs and 29yrs, all working,she got a fiver from the youngest,a card from the middle one and the eldest daughter planted her with the GCs so she could go out with her DP and gave her nothing.

Lambskin · 04/04/2011 20:42

He does, as you say, have aspergers. I think you need to take this into consideration. He probably loves you deeply but won't see the significance of presents to someone he knows loves him and who he thinks it's obvious he loves. Don't take offence, be very grateful you got a card!

usualsuspect · 04/04/2011 20:45

My 18 year old ds got me a bottle of wine ...I wouldn't care if he had got me nothing

Mothers day is a load of nonsense if you ask me

AnyoneforTurps · 04/04/2011 20:53

Vicar, you sound like a great mum. But part of being a great mum is that you fight for your DC without asked being asked and without rubbing their noses in how much you are doing for them. Sounds like you have done a good job - maybe too good! He takes you for granted and that's hard but it is a sign of what a great mother you are to him.

In 10 years' time, he'll have the perspective to understand the sacrifices you have made. For now, the fact that he takes you for granted is actually a testament to all you have done for him without counting the cost.

Flip