paranoia about my job whilst on maternity leave

[rainbowrosie]

Oh i have a healthy dose of paranoia in my blood recently about my job whilst on maternity leave- i am pretty sure its fuelled by newborn baby lack of sleep, and my general post natal funk i get into

• i do not spring into motherhood gleefully - from experience it takes me a couple of months to get back to feeling emotionally settled
  
  this is my 2nd baby - but with 1st baby i was self employed and my contact ended with maternity leave starting (joys of self employment)
  
  I now have a permanent job - a job i love & i am experiencing horrible feelings of self doubt whilst on maternity leave thinking that my cover is better and ultimately i will be replaced
  
  As i type this i know how ludicrous & oversensitive this is - but have other mums experienced this
  
  its a weird situation to hand your job over to someone - rationally i know the self esteem issues and i know i am great at my job
  its just my emotional body need to catch up with my rational brain!
  
  going for a nap to see if i can reconfigure my brain:)

[amberscow]

your aren't going mad. i did exactly the same thing. hence the reason for so many visits into work throughout mat leave. make sure they didn't forget me and get a general feeling for how things were. they always made me feel welcome and wanted me back asap ( so i took the full year). back in 2 weeks starting to feel really anxious about it

[Hatespinkcantcook]

Feel the same. I am already starting to worry about going back and still have a couple of months left. I know I will hate the fact that lots will have changed and I will be playing catch up. Also I feel unreasonably guilty that the person who has been acting up in my role to cover my leave will be sort of demoted again when I go back!

[BikeRunSki]

Make sure you use your KIT days then ! I found these invaluable to keep up with was going on and so people didn't forget me when I was off.

[louloudia]

cant say i did

i was more concerned with being with my baby and his wellbeing

in fact i dont think work even fleetingly crossed my mind

[Lizcat]

I felt exactly the same, but when I got back it turned out that my maternity cover had made a complete tit of my job. When I returned my bosses fell on me like the prodigal daughter. So it can go both ways.

[rainbowrosie]

thank you for sharing - good to know there are others out there

I think the idea of using the keeping in touch days - and actually going to visit work will be a good tonic

& Yes i have the same thought about my cover actually having to find a job when i return! ha ha - the mind is beast sometimes

I am conscious that dwelling on work detracts from the time with the bambinos - but that is something i am trying to work on by expressing paranoid / anxious feelings

actually i think typing out the fear is really interesting giggle

• fear that i might have made mistakes in job during late pregnancy -my maternity cover has to fix and my bosses now see how inept i was
  

-Fear of the single, younger woman who has no commitments and can travel more, do extended hours whenever required

• Fear of younger woman who has dropped 2 stone and is looking gorgeous = whereas i am post natal squidgy
  
• fear of not being able to get out the front door with toddler and 6month old on time
  
• fear of sleep deprivation marring my performance at work
  
• fear of having no clothes/wardrobe that makes any sense
  
• OMG i have to make meals on top of all this and keep the house in reasonable order
  
• fear of sensible shoes, pratical clothing, and waterproof jackets that i now seem to prefer
  

This is good - it obvious i need to get out more
Ohhh the joys of being post natal

by the way - the newborn is a gorgeous pudding who i adore and who i am about to go and wake up and play with :)