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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU just doing it myself from now on

14 replies

porcine · 04/04/2011 10:38

After many many years, stepson has finally begun to do some tasks around the house. This has never been an issue as he had previously stayed every weekend and we didnt really expect him to be involved in household stuff so much (probably wrong thing to do) but since the beginning of the year, has been staying a good 5-6 days a week.

Anyway, given it was mother's day yesterday, husband asked stepson to do the washing up. He did this happily. I left it on the drainer overnight, not something I'd usually do but it was my "day off". I went to clear up this morning and I had to do it all again....the worst washing up job he has ever done to the point where the lasagne was still caked onto some of the plates.

It isnt a "one off", he generally does a sloppy job if he does the washing up (rarely) and I wouldnt say anything as im just happy he helped...but this has been by far the worst.

So, the problem is/my options are....just be grateful, be glad he is being involved in the house, dont say anything and then wash up again? , point out what a bad job he did (in a better way than expressed here) and risk upsetting him and appearing ungrateful? or just do it myself from now on?

This applies across the whole family I guess ( you could replace stepson with husband in many cases) and in many situations...what do you do? is it pandering to "practiced uselessness"?

OP posts:
djinnie · 04/04/2011 10:41

YABU if you say nothing and do it yourself.

In my house (also DH and stepson) if it is not done properly then it is done again and again until it is right. End of.

If you do it yourself you will have a lifetime of drudgery and no self respecting woman should settle for that!

Magicjamas · 04/04/2011 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FollowMe · 04/04/2011 10:44

How old is he?

I wouldnt mention yesterdays washing up, but next time he chips in with helping around the house make sure you notice an obviously poor job immediately and tell him straight away 'oh you missed a bit here X' and get him to go over it.
If he still does a poor job, then say 'oh, its still quite mucky X, come over here and I'll show you how to do it properly for next time' then just keep an eye on him for a few times when he does the washing up to make sure he is doing it prperly!

If you just do it for him or ignore a poor job, then he'll carry on being slap dash and doing jobs as quick as he can with no thought to doing them properly!

porcine · 04/04/2011 10:44

16

OP posts:
louloudia · 04/04/2011 10:45

lol thats how people get away with not doing stuff

because the other person says oh Fred/Freda wont do it properly, I will have to do it myself and secretly enjoys the martyrdom i suspect lol

porcine · 04/04/2011 10:46

Its not martyrdom. I dont want dirty dishes.

OP posts:
HerbWoman · 04/04/2011 10:48

YABU to do it all yourself - he needs to learn to do it properly.

Could you perhaps dry up while he is washing then you could hand back rejects for re-washing as you go along? He would hopefully get the message that he needs to pay more attention and you might only need to do that a couple of times rather than all of it forever!

porcine · 04/04/2011 10:49

Thats a good idea herbwoman, I will do that

OP posts:
Skinit · 04/04/2011 10:50

I used to wash up like that.I wasn't deliberately being awful to "get away with it "I was a kid..16 or 17 and self obsessed/busy.

Take the mick out of him...laugh at him a bit....that's whatmy family did. They made me feel daft so I tried harder. Lifes too short to take a teenagers crappy efforts too seriously.

whostolemyname · 04/04/2011 10:50

I would give him his next dinner on one of the plates he hasnt washed properly :o)

porcine · 04/04/2011 10:51

I think thats the case skinit, he isnt a calculating child...just as you say (self obessed/busy) :0

OP posts:
charmum3 · 04/04/2011 11:08

gosh does he know my dh? he used to do exactly the same i kid you not, do a totally shoddy job so i wouldn't ask him again, i have to say for the most part i gave up, i tried the its all still dirty hun, then, its not clean, then are you doing this on purpose, then complete mega bitch psyco routine ( and trust me its good Grin)_ it changes for a few days then back to normal, i gave up, mil not exactly fasidious when it comes to the house and keeping things clean so am guessing its a family trait, sorry i know that is no help at all

nectarina · 04/04/2011 11:15

You need to teach him how to do it properly if only for the sake of any future OH he might have.

MayorNaze · 04/04/2011 11:17

if ds washes up sloppily then i make him do it again

he is 11

oddly enough the 2nd time he does it beautifully

dh is 40

he is shit at washing up

ds is not growing up like that...Grin

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