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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let DD go away on holiday with my mum

20 replies

skaen · 04/04/2011 10:30

My mum has distant relatives in South America and they take it in turns to visit. Mum is due to retire this year and is planning to go out sometime in the school summer holidays, taking my nephew (6) and DD (4). They would be away for around 2 weeks.

I'm not very keen on this. I think DD is too little to go away from me and home for such a long time; I think mum will find it much more tiring and much harder work than she is anticipating and it seems a bit pointless DD going out now, when she'll barely remember it. We also don't speak Spanish though mum does a bit, but she won't understand a lot of the speech. We'll probably do a family expedition out there when DS is a bit bigger (16m at the moment).

The rest of my extended family think it is a brilliant opportunity and that I'm being a bit precious saying that I don't want DD to go. Am I?

OP posts:
joydivisionovengloves · 04/04/2011 10:33

I think you're being perfectly reasonable. Your DD is way too young to appreciate it and won't even remember it. Go when she's older like you say.

lesley33 · 04/04/2011 10:33

Provided DD has a good relationship with your mum then I think yes YABU. Also just because children won't remember experiences doesn't mean that they shouldn't have them. Otherwise you would never take a young child on holiday anywhere.

Hassled · 04/04/2011 10:33

Well it does sort of depend on how clued up/competent your mother is, but I do think I'd have been a bit twitchy when mine were only 4. It is very little, still.

nethunsreject · 04/04/2011 10:34

Yanbu

everlong · 04/04/2011 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 04/04/2011 10:35

4 is very little. I wouldn't have.

Buda · 04/04/2011 10:36

No way. I couldn't. I would struggle to let my 9 year old away from me for that long! Would miss him too much.

everlong · 04/04/2011 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
skaen · 04/04/2011 10:46

Sorry, don't mean to drip feed! DD is very close to my mum and sees her most days. I am very confident that mum could look after DD perfectly if she is fine and happy. I'm worried that it would all be very difficult if she was in any way ill/ miserable/ homesick for me and DH and such a very long way away. She has never stayed anywhere other than home so it is a very big deal for me

OP posts:
ScroobiousPip · 04/04/2011 10:52

YANBU. Two children for two weeks is hard on any parent/grandparent, without adding in the mix of jetlag, a different language, illness etc.

If you don't feel comfortable then say no. It doesn't really matter what the rest of your family think.

Kewcumber · 04/04/2011 10:54

skaen - my mum is also very close to DS (who is 5) but I still wouldn't be happy with him so far away for 2 weeks. A week in the UK possibly but two weeks on a differnt continent - nope.

But ultimately it matters what you think.

If you're not happy, tehn don;t do it.

Takver · 04/04/2011 10:57

No, absolutely definitely not, not at 4 - not for that long, that far away.

A week in Clacton, yes, but a fortnight on another continent no way!

MooMooFarm · 04/04/2011 10:57

No way, and you are NBU. I would miss m young DC way too much to be away from me for two weeks. I would wait until she were older, or go along too Grin.

bubblecoral · 04/04/2011 10:58

YANBU

I grew up very close to my Gran, stayed with her most weekends, and she used to take me away to stay with other relatives every year. Apart from when we were going to one particular cousins house, where I alwyas had a great time, I always fely very homesick. I was well looked after, but I was aware that I was on the oppsite side of the country to my Mum, and it made me sad when we were going to bed at night or I was bored. And this is up to the age of about 8.

I wouldn't let my child go.

breatheslowly · 04/04/2011 11:00

Two children aged 6 and 4 to South America? YANBU! And I doubt she will remember much at all.

Original poster
skaen · 04/04/2011 11:07

Thanks everyone. I have said I'm not keen (sort of waiting for the idea to blow over) but will be a bit more forceful!

Bubblecoral - I know that feeling! I hated being away from home, absolutely hated it and only really got over it at University. I know it might all be fine, but the fear of DD being absolutely panicky and desperate to come home would worry me constantly.

OP posts:
thinkingkindly · 04/04/2011 11:14

YANBU. My mum looked after DD1, who is 6, one day a week before she started school, and usually sees her two or three times a week now. DD adores her, and loves going there for a sleepover. I would be happy for DD1 to spend a few days with my mum now, but would not want my DD away from me for a fortnight. And I definitely would not want her out of the country without me, especially somewhere as far away as SA. I would worry and miss her far too much - and, more to the point, I would hate to think of her wanting me and being a long way away.

daytoday · 04/04/2011 11:16

For me - no way at 4. Not precious at all. Absolutely average response you are having. I wouldn't let my 9 year old go overseas without me being there. Some people might be fine with it - some not - there is no 'set' reaction. If you don't feel comfortable say no.

LittleOneMum · 04/04/2011 11:18

I'm never going to let my DCs go on holiday with my ILs or parents ever. I love the ILs and parents and trust them. I just want my children's holidays to be with me until they are old enough to make a genuine choice. So flame me! i think YANBU and I just wanted to tell you how I feel so you can say "ooh LittleOneMum is more unreasonable than me...!"

diddl · 04/04/2011 11:20

Also a no from me.

Sounds utterly pointless tbh.

Doubtless the "distant relatives" would spoil her rotten, though.

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