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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still be jealous of my perfect sister. I am nearly 50 FFS!

25 replies

NorksAreMessy · 04/04/2011 07:22

my little sister has always been beautiful and everybody has always told her so. She now has time and money to spend making herself even more gorgeous, hair, nails, facials, botox, spas, lovely clothes etc. We get on really well, and I love her to bits, but I can't help being envious. I work far too hard at three jobs, am not naturally gorgeous and cannot justify the expense of spending ££££ on myself...and there would be no point, I STILL wouldn't be gorgeous. I know it is silly, so I would like you all to throw some wet sponges at me until I come to my senses! Thanks

OP posts:

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 04/04/2011 07:24

I tend to assume that women who spend a huge amount of time and money on injecting poison into their foreheads and the like are deeply insecure. She probably envies you for your self-confidence and ability to be yourself.

mumblechum1 · 04/04/2011 07:24

splat.

better?

mumblechum1 · 04/04/2011 07:24

And what Tortoise said

Original poster

NorksAreMessy · 04/04/2011 07:26

Nearly, Mumble, please could you put some boswellox on the sponges next time, it might gorgeousify me.
I am clinging to the 'your self confidence' bit tortoise. I like that, thank you

OP posts:

StickyProblem · 04/04/2011 07:27

Well I don't envy her. Personally I would rather do three jobs and be out there doing things, learning things and working with people than sitting around having nails and botox done. Your poor sister, her life sounds tedious. Seriously.

blackeyedsusan · 04/04/2011 07:37

SPLAT

Well... asses milk was good for cleopatra (was it her, too early?)

Tell you what, I'll come and stand next to you and you can look good in comparison. (mind you you would have to wash that milk off your face first)

oh and peoples value does not come from being pretty, that is just good luck.

exoticfruits · 04/04/2011 07:38

I would bet that she is jealous of you. Her life seems very empty if she has time for all that.

Original poster

NorksAreMessy · 04/04/2011 07:51

Mmmmmm Asses milk on a sponge, how delightful. Do I look like Liz Taylor yet? it is the comparison thing that hurts really.
At her wedding I could see people looking at her, looking at me, looking at her and thinking 'they can't be sisters!' and my friends always tell me how glamorous my DSis is. Thanks for that, I have only known that she is prettier than me for over 40 years, but good of you to point it out.

OP posts:

Dozer · 04/04/2011 07:56

Classic pretty sister/clever or hard-working sister one thing going on here? If so, may be time to move on. Is shame to be jealous for so long. You don't look like her, but maybe you could do some things to feel better about yourself.

Nagoo · 04/04/2011 07:58

Being pretty is a bit of a non-quality. and it sounds like it is very important to her. Getting older can be very hard on people who have been valued primarily in terms of their physical attractiveness.

Spending a high proportion of your £ on beauty treatments does sound like insecurity. She probably says she needs it, which should tell you everything you need to know.

Also (pure speculation and I'm running with it) she's probably not had loads of really nice puddings.

Original poster

NorksAreMessy · 04/04/2011 07:59

Thanks Dozer. is this a recognised thing then? What can I do to move on? I know It is daft to be jealous, but how, practically can I stop, without putting her down?

OP posts:

purpledragonfly · 04/04/2011 07:59

I can't imagine feeling jealous of someone who puts botox in their face.

bigTillyMint · 04/04/2011 08:05

From what you say, she feels her only worth is in how she looks, hence spending all the time and money on botox, beuticians, etc.

You've got to feel a bit sorry for her if that's what her life revolves around.

Does she have any children yet?

Original poster

NorksAreMessy · 04/04/2011 08:23

Yes she has teenage children. That's the problem, thou, Tilly. I don't feel sorry for her at all...she's lovely and everybody compliments her, shop assistants serve her quickly, people want to sit next to her. You know, she's pretty!

OP posts:

whitemonkey · 05/04/2011 06:06

But lookS fade, even with all that help the ageing process will catch up with her.
If she has always been defined by her looks then she may be panicking and envying you, who has had to develop other qualities. Being pretty does not always equal being happy.

TattyDevine · 05/04/2011 06:28

Why do people assume that because she is pretty she lacks other qualities or experiences?

And very much doubt the sister spends a huge amount of time and money on botox. It takes about 5 minutes 2 or 3 times a year and for those with a decent disposable income its just another beauty treatment.

Ever had your scalp painted with hydrogen peroxide and ammonia? Why would you do that? Yet most women have dabbled in hair colour at some point.

I'd be more concerned about the self esteem of someone who couldn't justify the £££ because "there would be no point, I STILL wouldn't be gorgeous" than someone who does because they feel they are worth it. Its a different thing altogether to simply not want to have your nails done or get botox or dye your hair.

I'm sorry OP but it doesn't sound to me like your sister is the insecure one. You need to work on your self esteem. Life shouldn't be all about how you look yet your post highlights just how it does play a part in our life. You may well feel better about yourself if you take simple and natural steps to ensure you look the best you possibly can.

In addition to that you would benefit from looking inside yourself and focusing on other qualities and talents that are not to do with looks.

pommedeterre · 05/04/2011 07:52

Never underestimate the power of grooming. Seriously. Past the twenties looks actually seems to be a more levcel playing field with everyone's flush of youth long gone.
Groom, groom, groom.
Make sure you adore your outfit every day.
Don't get fat.
I'm with Tatty.

Original poster

NorksAreMessy · 06/04/2011 18:09

pomme and Tatty I think you have a point about self esteem. I think she has TONS of it and feels that she deserves to have nice clothes and to spend time on herself, whereas I feel guilty if I spend money on clothes, or hair, nails etc. How do I get over that?

OP posts:

YouaretooniceNOT · 06/04/2011 18:32

How about some rotten tomatos too? hehehe

Keep young and beautiful if you wanna be loved is how the song goes eh?

I best get to work ....

pommedeterre · 06/04/2011 19:20

Norks - pretend! Pretend you are 'totally worth it', imagine how you'll feel when you no longer compare yourself so harshly to your sister because you will be groomed and gorgeous.
Pretend long enough and it becomes real!

Onetoomanycornettos · 06/04/2011 19:33

You obviously have a good sense of humour, that for me is as appealing or more so than any amount of grooming. I think by 50 you should just go with how you are. I quite like being my age (a bit younger but not much) precisely because I don't have to worry so much about my worth being measured in looks. Do the things you want to do, fulfil your own ambitions.

I think those twinges of jealousy never quite go away if you are the 'plainer' one (I am that plainer one!) The trick is to have a great life and to appreciate your sister (who can't be that young herself) too, and just ignore the odd twinge. Don't let it define you in any way.

FattyAcid · 06/04/2011 19:35

Your poor sis will find ageing very difficult I predict

Original poster

NorksAreMessy · 08/04/2011 21:42

pomme, you have inspired me. I have had a mani and pedi this week and plan to spend some time this year on myself. MN is a madly powerful thing. Thank you, I feel more confident already, how does that work?

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sloggies · 08/04/2011 21:53

Dozer makes a good point, as do others....I was the 'clever' one of the sisters, and yes, it can be galling...but I do think I had to develop more of a personality because of it iuswim.
Now I'm older (just turned 50) I have grown into myself a bit more, and she has got more insecure in that 'fading gorgeous film star who can't just rely on looks any more' thing.

Original poster

NorksAreMessy · 08/04/2011 22:09

Thanks too to Onetoomany. I am proud of my sense of humour and NOT taking myself too seriously. I think being the 'plainer' one is a difficult role, because it is so obvious to everyone else. People feel sorry for me as a matter of course 'ooooh, you're her SISTER', in the tone of voice that says 'how the f*ck did THAT happen'.
It is an under researched and studied phenomenon, but must happen in every sibling pair.
Thank you for your help

OP posts:

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