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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can I have some advice please? not to do with my family but am concerned.

20 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 16:19

Ok so on a friday I go to my local, there is a dad in there with his DD every week as he lives above the pub.

This child is 9yrs old and is loved by everyone myself included...this is where my problem begins.

As I said she really is lovely, not at all bratty or rude.

I know from the child herself and her older (late teens/adult) brother that when the step dad/mums b'f starts this child will be taken or sent outside to the pavement to sit until it dies down.

In the pub her dad drinks a lot and she is up and down stairs until he finally goes up and sleeps it off.

On Friday there was a theme night and a brilliant atmosphere until this man got caught up in a fight where he had his face kicked etc, the little girl was understandable screaming the place down. Now the problem is she couldn't go home to mummy as she is sent to daddys as there is always trouble at the weekend at home when step daddy and mummy indulge in their habit....not sure what it is tbh.

Now I know this child is on the whole very happy and well looked after, she is well brought up, clean, intelligent etc and I know she is loved by her dad on the whole.

I just don't know whether I should contact SS about the entire situation. It has been in my thoughts for a week now and I am, after friday, more concerned than ever.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 16:21

It was only Friday I was talking to him and saying he needs to pull himself together and get himself a home to have the girl live with him and then this happens.

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 03/04/2011 16:21

I would report for a child being in the pub every friday tbh. DOesn't sound that nice of a place, why on earth does she need to be there?

louloudia · 03/04/2011 16:21

social services, let them investigate and decide

GypsyMoth · 03/04/2011 16:23

breaking it down....what are your concerns?

she's home alone
parents argue
in a pun regularly

louloudia · 03/04/2011 16:27

d) witnessing violence regularly

scurryfunge · 03/04/2011 16:27

Bit confusing.
What is the landlord doing about having a child in the pub? (or is the drunken dad, the landlord?)

Sounds like the child could be neglected. Does this happen every weekend?
What is the "trouble at home" regarding the step dad and mum -where does that come from.
If you believe she is being neglected then refer to social services.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 16:29

BooBoo, she is there as her dad lives above the pub. He is generally ok but does drink a fair amount.

ILT, She is never home alone dad is in the pub and lives above it. She is with dad every weekend and holidays as well.

The Mum and her b'f (not sure if they are married) argue regularly apparently more so at the weekend when they indulge in their "habit" - this was from the girls older brother.

I am concerned because she is said to me she feels like she is caught in the middle.

I should point out that I used to live in the same street as the mum, step dad and little girl and often saw her outside of an evening. It is only since getting to know her that I realise or rather now know why.

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 03/04/2011 16:30

Her living above the pub is irrelevant. Her dad is drinking and taking her with him. It's inappropriate

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 16:34

Scurry, there are 3 children in the pub regularly. The barmaids daughter, a 14yr old who comes in with her mum and this little girl who stays upstairs with her dad friday - sunday. So she is in the pub when he is.

Its not so much I think she is neglected its more I am concerned for her welfare with the atmosphere at home and her dads drinking of a weekend when she is with him.

The people he was caught in a fight tbh wasn't totally his fault he had tried to break a fight up and got hit, he hit back etc and came out the worse with a kick in the mouth and his face punched and covered in blood.

It made me feel sick and I am 36, I was the one who got him back inside the pub because I shouted at him to get in as his daughter was screaming, it instantly calmed him enough to get him inside.

No I am not bragging about that but it was all I could think of at the time.

Generally though he is just a laugh and his dd loves him so much and vice versa

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 16:37

i realise how wrong that sounds! I did shout at him because there was a lot of noise.

I didn't get involved for any reason just got him inside because of his daughter.

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Skinit · 03/04/2011 16:45

Why do you go to such a place?

I can't imagne it!

Anyway....SS should be told. If the Mother was sensible she would not be allowing her child to go there while her Father gets smashed. In a couple of years she'll be a teenager...then the risks highten considerably.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 16:48

Skinit, its a pub thats all. And as I said it is always a great atmosphere just a group of people having a drink and a laugh - we all know eachother. there is never any trouble.

The mother is more interested in feeding her habit than looking after her, when she is at home the older brothers care for her.

The dad on the whole looks after her very well and has a lot of time for her, takes her out etc but on a Friday night he is in the pub and so is she - not ideal by any measure but maybe more so than her being with her mother who is more interested in her habit. which by all accounts is why she stays with her abusive partner.

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 03/04/2011 16:53

I would report to ss because of the intimation that mum is in a violent relationship and is a druggie. (do you mean drug habit because I have a "habit" of ordering a pizza on a Friday because I can't be arsed to cook?).

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 16:58

Scurry lol sorry no not pizza's all I know is they have a habit and it causes a lot of rows of a weekend

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GypsyMoth · 03/04/2011 17:00

swinging??

scurryfunge · 03/04/2011 17:01

If you report it then they will investigate.....they can then decide. I would to be on the safe side.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 17:01

ILT, no idea tbh.

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Underachieving · 03/04/2011 17:05

The NSPCC are running a radio ad comapign at the moment to suggest to people in your situation, who are concearned about a child and who don't know if it's best to keep out of it or say something, to talk to them. Here

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 17:06

would it be worth me speaking to my social worker? or would it cause problems for the child. As I say she is happy in general but she did say she feels torn between mum and dad and she hates the trouble at home. But loves being with her dad when she stays as he has time for her.

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Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 17:07

X-posted there, UA thanks for that, i will read it when I have the DC settled.

OP posts:

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