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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be completely f***** off with being the "bad" parent all the time .....

12 replies

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 03/04/2011 10:21

having a rant ..... Just sick to death of being the one who has to discipline the kids all the time when husband "doesn't like to"......or he says "mummy says no/tidy up/we can't go to the park" etc. why does it have to be the good cop bad cop routine ...... Just want to rant, have a scream and hypothetically dream about doing nasty things to my husband! why can't they be the ones to tell them off for doing something wrong? Going to have to sit down with him for a chat ....

Otherwise life is fine and dandy!

My kids are 4 and 6.

OP posts:

Original poster

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 03/04/2011 10:23

Or am i being unreasonable as husband works long hours and I work part time therefore he should have fun with them rather than disciplining them ..... No, what am I saying! Had a moment of guilt then but not now! Unless people think IABU!

OP posts:

TurkeyBurgerThing · 03/04/2011 10:25

Ha! I'm with you there. Mine are the same. Example...My 3 year old had a mega tantrum meltdown for 30 minutes the other day. Why? Because I cut her sandwiches into triangles! She was giving me all sorts of abuse telling me I was stupid and she wasn't my friend etc. So I am ignoring her and just telling her every so often to eat them or she'll quite simply go without.

Then in walks Wonderdad. Who then gives his poor little princess all new square sandwiches and I am, once again, evil mother...

heliumballoons · 03/04/2011 10:43

turkey has he removed the triangle sandwiches from the unsunny part yet?

YANBU OP, mindyou I have a friend whos DC's 5&7 still have major strops so she tells them I made the decision. But by effectively making me bad cop they seem to love me and always come to my house. Think its the whole children like boundaries argument?

colditz · 03/04/2011 10:45

My friend had a big problem with Big Fun Dad - she had to get a family worker involved because her 3 yearold was screaming every time she didn't fold immediiadtely like like his dad did

allegrageller · 03/04/2011 11:02

Turkey, you don't work p/t, you work all the bloody time doing work AND childcare while he gets to have the fun.

Not acceptable.

BlueAmy · 03/04/2011 11:07

I don't think this is a time to make reference to the working at home thing, it's about time spent with the child, let's not turn this into another working in the home thing. Working p/t was correct as the OP needed to make clear the contact balance.

But you're right that it's not acceptable that the OP's DH does this.

allegrageller · 03/04/2011 11:19

but working in the home is undoubtedly what the OP does.

BlueAmy · 03/04/2011 11:23

Yes, but it's not relevant to make this a debate about this, and your comment deflects away from the issue at hand. The OP spends more time with her DC, that was the point.

Bramshott · 03/04/2011 11:33

Of course YANBU and you need to discuss it with your DH. It may be that he doesn't even realise he's doing it. I guess it's the complete flip side of the traditional "just wait until your father gets home" school of parenting!

MorticiaAddams · 03/04/2011 11:33

YANBU. When he is there his job is to be a parent whether it's good or bad, not just have fun.

What's he going to do if for some reason you have to be away for a couple of days? He'll come unstuck when the children won't do as he tells them because they don't respect him in that way.

You need to speak to him and sort this out. If he won't stop being the fun parent then I would get annoyed and directly contradict him in front of the children. If he says that Mummy says we can't go to the park say No you can all go the park but I have to do something here and pack him off with them on his own or if he says to tidy up say I said that Daddy should help you tidy up.

allegrageller · 03/04/2011 13:32

'the issue at hand' is complex I'm afraid...including how the OP feels generally overburdened and missing out on the 'fun'. So dividing it up into separate 'issues' doesn't really help tbh. She really need not feel he 'deserves' more fun time because he spends more time in paid work.

BlueAmy · 03/04/2011 15:21

It's not as complex as you're trying to make it though. This is not a feminist issue. This is not DH needing to recognise what work the OP does in the home, it's about his parenting. If DH doesn't recognise what the OP does as work and believes this is what entitles him to be the fun parent when they are both present, then that's obviously a problem, but it doesn't seem this is what OP is saying, and to jump to conclusions is not helping.

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