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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think she could have waited till she got out of the shop?

18 replies

Rillyrillygoodlooking · 03/04/2011 01:45

I was in a fabric shop today with DS and DD. DS (3.5) was being really badly behaved, running off, screeching, rolling around on the floor, rolling under the counter. I wasn't dealing with it very well and getting really wound up.

A girl about DS's age was at the counter with her mum when I was paying and watching DS roll around on the floor etc. When they walked past us the mum was telling her DD how well behaved she was, and what a great help she had been. She was talking quite loudly especially when going past us so I couldn't help but feel she was rubbing it in.

When we got outside she met up with the dad who then started looking at me. I really really wanted to say something to the mum as I was so cross but didn't, and I would have just come across badly anyway.

AIBU to think she could have waited till she got out of the shop to tell her DD what a perfect puss she was?

And why would someone rub it in like that?

OP posts:

ElenStone · 03/04/2011 01:49

Maybe she was trying to shame DS into behaving? That's the only reason I can think of ... I used to make a fuss of a friends DD when she was behaving and DS was having a tantrum, it taught him that the way to get what he wanted was to behave.

thumbwitch · 03/04/2011 01:49

But she wanted you to hear! She wanted to rub your nose in it, and tell you how much you had affected her perfect shopping experience with her perfect DD - she really needed to be that smug!

Pity her - pity her for needing to put someone else down to make herself feel better about herself.

And I really hope her DD threw all her dinner on the floor that night.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/04/2011 01:50

You're overthinking it. I took dd shopping during the week for the first time without a pushchair and spent the entire time telling her how good she was being. I couldn't tell you who else was in any of the shops I went in, I was too busy praying that she didn't make a run for it!

KatieMiddleton · 03/04/2011 01:50

I doubt it was anything to do with you at all. I find your post a teeny-bit self-indulgent.

Probably best to forget the whole incident.

millie30 · 03/04/2011 01:55

I praise my DS if he's behaved well in a situation where other children are being naughty. It's not a deliberate dig at other parents, just a way of reinforcing his good behaviour. Maybe this woman didn't mean it personally.

Original poster

Rillyrillygoodlooking · 03/04/2011 01:56

I am trying to forget, but it really really wound me up!

Why self-indulgent? Maybe I should practise not letting people make me feel shit about myself and my parenting skills.

OP posts:

KatieMiddleton · 03/04/2011 02:01

Self-indulgent because you presumed this woman was critising you. Which implies the world revolves around you (sorry this sounds harsher than I mean to be).

Not caring what random strangers may think is a good skill to have. And she wasn't making you feel shit - you felt that all by yourself. But you can choose not to.

Original poster

Rillyrillygoodlooking · 03/04/2011 02:03

yeah, I s'pose.

I only thought she did it with intent because she said it loudly (louder than a normal voice) when walking past, and then her husband stared at me when we got out of the shop.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 03/04/2011 02:05

Why didn't you leave the shop and calm your son down?
Of course people use whatever they have at hand to show their child what appropriate behaviour is, and to praise them if they are not joining in when they see someone behaving badly.
No, I'm not being smug, yes my son used to have public meltdowns and yes I have been in your position.

Underachieving · 03/04/2011 02:06

So what if she WAS trying to put you down? Who cares what she thinks?

KatieMiddleton · 03/04/2011 02:07

Even if she did - so what? She's either a rude, stupid woman or she's a loud-parenter. Either way not someone to worry about.

Maybe you were looking particularly fetching today hence the husband having a stare? Or maybe he was mavelling at your quiet parenting and wishing his DW was less irritating? Or maybe he is a mouth breather and that's his default stance?

I wouldn't give it another thought.

Original poster

Rillyrillygoodlooking · 03/04/2011 02:12

I only needed to buy one thing, so it was meant to be a quick "nip" into the shop.
On reflection I should have told DS what we were going to do and tell him to hold onto the pushchair. I sometimes do this, but I was stressed already and didn't manage it very well.

Part of me still would like her DD to throw her dinner on the floor later (mwah hahahahahaha!)

And now I will try not to think about it.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 03/04/2011 02:13

'So what if she WAS trying to put you down? Who cares what she thinks?'

That's a good response too.

AgentZigzag · 03/04/2011 02:15

I love your reasons for why the DH was staring Katie, especially being a default mouth breather

YANBU OP if the woman did say it for you to hear, very rude to put another parent down teaching your DC about how to behave.

I can't imagine any parent would not know how it feels to have a screaming toddler in a public place, you remember the feeling and don't tut at other mums going through the mill.

It is possible she didn't notice you and was just talking normally. I'm honestly not a loud parent in that sense, but I've noticed I sometimes talk DD a bit louder because I just presume she's not listening so try to get her to focus while I'm saying it.

I feel your toddler tantrum pain though

Original poster

Rillyrillygoodlooking · 03/04/2011 02:15

sorry

OP posts:

LostInSockLand · 03/04/2011 02:24

actually, I might well have said something along those lines to my dd when she was young but certainly not to make any other mum feel bad!

She was AWFUL, she would tantrum over everything, nearly all day every day yet strangely, if she saw another kid acting up, she would be very interested and puzzled by it all. Dont get me wrong, I never said anything about the other kid but if I noticed she was watching i'd be sure to praise her up on how good she was being etc...(as most of the time she was horrible and by about 3 was just starting to calm down).

and if I'd have glanced at you when you walked out it would have been more along the lines of "I understand her pain"

iscream · 03/04/2011 02:47

Perhaps her dd usually is a terror and the mom in question was bracing herself, and it was huge relief that made her praise so loudly?
Perhaps the dd has hearing problems, from the buttons that were still in her ears from last fabric shopping excursion?

GotArt · 03/04/2011 02:55

Good god. We're suppose to praise our kids when they're good. I say thank you for being well behaved, but that's it. And when I see her notice another child having a moment, I just say 'Don't get any ideas.'

I always feel for the parent with a child having a moment like that. It seems, from the way you described it, the mother was making a jibe and probably went out and told her DP all about it too.

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