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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to visit my ^gran^ on Mothers Day?

18 replies

TotorosOcarina · 02/04/2011 19:45

TBH I'm not even going to visit my mum.

Backstory:

My mum lives an hour away by bus (not including waiting for bus, walking to bus stop etc) she has 2 DDs that still live with her and my dad so she will get breakfast in bed etc...

My gran lives right near me and I know my mum is visiting her tomorrow so I called to say can she grab her cards and stuff tomorrow whilst she is passing my house on the way to her mums.

I have 3 kids, 2, 4 and 6 and am 35 weeks pregnant and was looking forwards to doing sweet f-all tomorrow, just chilling in new PJs and having a bath, brekkie in bed etc...

but my mum asks if we aren't going to see my gran with all the kids and basically words it in a way that says I should go to see her and bring the kids... and there was no way I could say no without feeling like a prick.

We aren't going to see MIL, we certainly aren't going to see DHs nana.

AIBU to not want to go to see my gran??

OP posts:
thinkingkindly · 02/04/2011 19:47

Just text your mum and tell her you can't face lugging the kids round there - and would love to see her at yours if she can pop round. And if she can't don't worry about it. YANBU

stylenotfashion · 02/04/2011 19:47

No. Mothers Day is for you, send a card and be done with it.

Drink Wine to muffle the guilt Grin

Olivetti · 02/04/2011 19:50

Depends hpw you feel about your gran generally. There were loads of times when I just couldn't be arsed to go and see or even ring my Grandma and my Nanna, and now they've both died, I would so love to see them again. Sad I'm not trying to preach, it's just that sometimes it feels like Grandparents will go on for ever, but obviously they don't.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/04/2011 19:52

It's Mothers Day, not Grandmothers Day. And you are a Mother. You get to have the breakfast in bed etc. Can you word it back to you mum that not doing so will rob your children of celebrating you and they would be very disappointed? She wouldn't want to do that to her grandchildren now, would she? [evil grin]

Sirzy · 02/04/2011 19:52

I agree with Olivetti.

I think its a situation where only you can decide what to do. I can understand you not wanting to go though.

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 02/04/2011 19:53

I know that Oliv, my grandad died a few years ago.

I know I don' make enough effort to go see her, but she smokes like a chimney and i just hate the smell.

And TBH i don't like being told by my mother that i should go.

My gran WILL see her 3 kids tomorrow,

Shes their mother,

shes not mine.

I do love her but I just really hate the pressure these days put on people and I'm a mum now and I want to sped the day with my own family.

Saying this to my mum would go down like a lead balloon.

OP posts:
Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 02/04/2011 19:54

in fact I wouldn't dare say it to my mum.

we've had barneys over it before :(

OP posts:
Olivetti · 02/04/2011 19:58

I know, sorry, I sounded a bit patronising. Sounds like it's best not to go, then. Just enjoy the day with your own family. That's what I'm doing, luckily for me my mother lives 300 miles away!! Grin

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/04/2011 20:00

OP, your mother is just going to have to get her head around the fact that while you may be her daughter you are also an adult and a mother. And 35 weeks pregnant. She doesn't get to tell you what to do. My mother tried that once too often, I exploded and she got the message, hasn't tried it since. Sometimes, they still see you in your school uniform until you give them a damned good shake (metaphorically speaking).

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 02/04/2011 20:00

Noooo, not patronising at all!. really.

The point you made is the point my mother is trying to make, but its mothers day, and my gran isn't my mother, i can see her another day.

OP posts:
agedknees · 02/04/2011 20:23

Totoro - I am sorry but if any one of the 3 mums mentioned - ie your grandmother, your mother and you needs pampering tomorrow, it's YOU.

So as an ex midwife I am prescribing brekkie in bed, warm bath, lots of chocs and cup of tea and a really lazy day tomorrow for YOU.

YANBU. Have a lovely day tomorrow in your own home with your dc's.

agedknees · 02/04/2011 20:23

Sorry about my last post. Hope it's not too bossy.

Nagoo · 02/04/2011 20:35

YANBU.

play the pregnant card and just say that you don't feel up to going out.

Your mum can pop in to you.

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 02/04/2011 20:35

no, its very, very much appreciated Grin

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 02/04/2011 20:38

Your grandmother and your mother has had YEARS of being mums, and being pampered on mothers day. It is not on, now that YOU are a mum, you should still pamper them and forget that it is mothersday for you too.

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 03/04/2011 13:28

i txt my mmum and told her i wasn't going, she txt me back asking about xyz, i explained i still wasn't going but i'd go saturday as gran goes away for 5 days monday - and i would take her a gift sat.

she never got back to me.

I txt her again to ask if she was upset with me and still had no reply from last night.

:(
whatever.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 03/04/2011 13:32

That's her problem, honestly. You have a lovely day yourself and try not to let her spoil it.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 03/04/2011 13:40

Dont be upset about it.
If you make a stand now its gets easier when people your mum realises you cant be pushed around.

Dont text her to ask her if she is upset with you. You are inviting her to tell you that you are in the wrong. Its unlikely she is going to back down and tell you she was being unreasonable.

When you talk to her next dont mention it. It will make it a bigger drama than it needs to be.

Have a nice day and rest.

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