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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be thinking of ways to 'punish' dh....

14 replies

notremotelyintofootie · 02/04/2011 10:53

.... For making the comment that he thinks it's 'morally wrong' to get something for me for mothers day from dd who is 16 months...

This is despite the fact that for years I have always got him fathers day/birthday/Xmas pressies from ds(11 - he now gets it himself), dsd (16- I have stopped from dsd now but she is too tight to do anything herself...) and dd! I also do all the pressie shopping for the extended family and got mums day card and gift for his mum!

I have also had to get food for him to cook tomorrow night (begrudgingly as I am not his mum.... Arghhhh told him it was just his turn anyway!)

So ideas please????

(btw, a bottle of bubble bath or a bath bomb or a bunch of daffs or homemade card will do!) he also doesnt 'do' valentines day either.....

OP posts:

shakey1500 · 02/04/2011 10:59

Yanbu for being miffed etc but yabu for stating you want to "punish him" :)

Ideas- henceforth refuse to buy extended family gifts or cards. Accept that he probably won't change his "moral" attitude.

I really dislike it when people buy cards/presents on their OH's behalf. Unless it's because they are seriously busy and genuinely haven't had time but certainly not because if you (general) didn't do it, then it would'nt get done at all. He's an adult, fully able to buy a card and a present, give it some thought. if he thinks it's morally wrong then fair enough but then HE'S answerable to his stance, not you.

mumblechum1 · 02/04/2011 10:59

Sorry but I agree with him. The whole Valentines/Mothers Day/Fathers day is a load of fakery imo.

I was always happy for ds to buy something with his own money when he's old enough for me, but never expected dh to bother as I'm not his mum!

My dh makes a huge fuss of my birthday, anniversary, Christmas but doesn't believe in the other crap.

ChaoticAngelofDenial · 02/04/2011 11:05

".... For making the comment that he thinks it's 'morally wrong' to get something for me for mothers day from dd who is 16 months..."

Agree with him and tell him that from now on he'll be buying his own family christmas/birthday presents himself. After all, it would be morally wrong for you to do it wouldn't it

mumblechum1 · 02/04/2011 11:06

Sorry for spectacularly poor grammar in my second para.

Agree with Chaotic Angel btw.

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 11:10

I agree with him too.

Mother's day is all about children showing appreciation for their Mothers.

Husband's tend to use Valentine's day for this purpose...if indeed they need a commercial day to show it.

Why doesn't your DS add the baby's name to his card. That would make more sense surely?

MorticiaAddams · 02/04/2011 11:10

YABU to want to punish him and you're a mug to buy the food for him to cook tomorrow.

If he doesn't want to make an effort for Mothers Day then fine but don't do anything for Fathers Day either. He's right about the whole commercialism of the day.

We actually do things for each other on Mother's Day rather than spending out money and if he can't be bothered, well you chose to marry him.

MorticiaAddams · 02/04/2011 11:13

You also shouldn't buy a card and gift for his Mum as it completely defies the point of showing your appreciation for your Mum.

I buy all the cards and pressies for birthdays and Christmas as I just think of his and my family as ours and not separate but Gomez makes his own effort for Mothers and Fathers Day.

louloudia · 02/04/2011 11:24

why would you want a gift bought with bad feeling and reluctance?

Original poster

notremotelyintofootie · 02/04/2011 11:36

I don't really mind it was just this sudden declaration that it's a moral reason rather than the truth that he's tight and can't be bothered!

OP posts:

nomoreheels · 02/04/2011 11:45

I agree, stop taking care of everything. My DP sorts out all his presents for his side of the family, including birthdays, christmas and mother's day, and I sort out mine.

(FWIW I am due in 9 weeks with our first DC and he bought me a sweet babygro as a kind of mother's day present even though I'm not a mum yet - which I thought was a lovely thought.)

Also - why can't he sort out a meal himself? Admittedly my DP isn't the best at this, but I have learned to say "find something in the freezer" or (even better) just not mention it at all. If he's hungry, he can find something to eat.

thumbwitch · 02/04/2011 11:51

YANBU to be pissed off. It's sheer idleness on his part, regardless of the "rights" or "wrongs" of it.

But forget the punishment aspect - just decide it's morally wrong for you to get him anything ever again, since the fact that he doesn't get you anything woudl put him in the dubious position of being a "taker".

zipzap · 02/04/2011 11:52

Any way you can suddenly lose the card and present you have got his mum for mother's day? Think you have got them for him to give her from your op ?

Even if you send them from you separately later...

Oh and remember to ask for all his other fathers day presents back that you have bought for him in lieu of the kids as surely it would be morally wrong for him to have them if that is his view on mothering Sunday!

hecate · 02/04/2011 16:13

stop doing it for him.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 02/04/2011 16:20

I understand what you mean - morally wrong, yeah right! Equal treatment from now on then.

I don't understand the issue with not buying things for valentines, mothers day etc. Ok if someone was demanding a huge gift then that is a problem but a small token of appreciation? What's wrong with that?

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