To be angry with a friend

[pebblesparker]

Myself and a friend take turns to take our daughters to dance classes on a Saturday and then have the children back for a play & lunch. Last week my DD announced that the friends mother had left them in the house with her 11yr old son for an hour whilst she walked the dog. I am furious that she did this and don't want it happening again. What's the best way to approach this friend?

How old is your dd?

i think it is fine to say that your dd told you this, and ask if it is true? let her explain. calmly say 'im not sure that is allowed' or similar, and see where conversation goes. Maybe it is time to vary arrangements so it is not every other week which might be a pain.

If your dd is 8 or above I don't see anything wrong with them being left with an 11 year old.

Try asking her and then calmly ask if she could take your daughter with her next time because you're not comfortable with her being in the charge of an 11yr old.

I am guessing your daughter is under 11? I would not be happy. I would ensure intiailly that the mother had definitely gone out. I'm not suggesting your dd would lie but perhaps she was in the garden?
If you are fairly sure I would approach the mother in a low key way and say that your dd said she had gone out to walk the dog and you would prefer your dd to not be left alone (even if that has to mean the end of your arrangement)

Apparently children aren't to be left in the care of someone under the age of 16. There was something in the media about this a while ago and social services got involved because a younger teenager was looking after his brother or something.

Need the age.

I wouldn't ruin the relationship over it. If it were me (and sounds like something I may do without thinking it through...), I would prefer someone to say, "Look this is what dd says happened, but I don't really like that idea." I'd much prefer it if friends bring things up with me, we all have very different ways of doing things. Much better than blanking someone, or saying you don't want this arrangement anymore of even throwing all the legal stuff at her. Just that you're not happy with it. Say it nicely and I think everything can carry on being ok.

Why do so many people leave the ages of their children out of the opening post? Nine times out of ten it's the most important part of the information and totally defines the answers given.

Not just you OP....I've noticed it loads on MN and it's quite frustrating if say the OP doesn't come back for a few hours. They just leave a thread full of speculation and maybes in their wake.

My daughter is 9 and hers is 10. Sorry for leaving this out, I haven't posted before ad will remember next time

YANBU Your friend should have asked you if it was okay to do this.

But your DD could be mistaken and your friend might have taken the dog for a 5 minute walk round the block.

Does depend on the length of the walk. If it means to the end of the road or the postbox and your friend was in sight of the house for the whole time, then no problem. If it means she went for an hour-long hike then it's not acceptable.

My dd's still 2, so not sure how I'll feel when she's 9. But I do think you're overreacting a bit to be 'angry'. You can certainly not feel happy about it/ comfortable with it, and let her know that. But they're not exactly little kids, and actually a walk with the dog may have been less than an hour. As I said, I would say something but not come in too heavy. I don't think it's that awful.

A nine year old's perception of an hour may be somewhat different from an actual hour.

I think, depending on how sensible the kids are, that this is probably fine for an hour or less, however if you're not happy with it, you should just say so. No need to be angry or fall out.