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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Take a look at the photo on my profile...

49 replies

Gouged · 31/03/2011 19:27

What would you do if your 2.3 yo came home like this from nursery?

They wrote in the incident book and told me about it when I collected him.

DH wants to go in all guns blazing, as there were more minor scratches already last week, but I am keeping an open mind.

though.

OP posts:

ladyintheradiator · 31/03/2011 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

microserf · 31/03/2011 19:43

doh, just reread your post, yes they did write it down but i would ask for a meeting with the manager.

Jux · 31/03/2011 19:46

DD got scratched horridly scratched very near an eye at nursery once. It was taken very seriously by the staff. As it happens, the boy who did it was one of the kindest most gentle children I've ever met and it was a complete accident.

In your boy's case, it's hard to tell without more information.

TiggyD · 31/03/2011 19:47

Yes it is common. A child will not get through nursery without being hurt by another child at some point. I suggest you take your child out and stop them coming into contact with any other children.

beesimo · 31/03/2011 19:47

How much you paying a week for your lad to get marked up like this?

It is not just one of those things that happen ect it is a dammed disgrace he's not able to defend himself yet what is it a nursery or a bloody zoo,the poor little bugger should be getting properly looked after.

Don't let them fob you off, I'd want a FULL explantion and even then the chance of me putting my bairn in their care again would be round about zero.

Original poster

Gouged · 31/03/2011 19:49

Thanks all - will definitely make an appointment to discuss.

I'm not sure if the staff even noticed the other scratches last week as it wasn't mentioned, so maybe they wouldn't know if it's the same child. But you're right, we need to ask what they will do to stop it happening again.

I'm not very good at these things sometimes, I have a tendency to be too understanding.

It's really hard as well because we don't fluently speak the language where we live, but at least one of the key workers speaks English, so we'll try to speak with her.

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worraliberty · 31/03/2011 19:50

beesimo are you suggesting every child in the nusery is shadowed by an adult? Kids do lash out and quickly too.

Unless it's the same kid all the time, there's little they can realistically do.

TiggyD · 31/03/2011 19:53

Every child would need a shadow, but even then they could scratch another child before the staff could react. All the children's arm could be restricted in some way I suppose, or children could be stopped from playing within reach of each other.

worraliberty · 31/03/2011 19:55

They could be de-clawed Tiggy!

Megatron · 31/03/2011 19:57

These things DO happen in nursery all the time, especially age 2-3.

Your nursery should have given you an accident/incident record to sign and it should have had a full explanation of what happened and why the incident occurred i.e. over a toy/unprovoked/accident etc. (I hope you didn't sign anything that didn't give you a full explanation?) They cannot name the other child and presumably it was his key person who spoke to you earlier, but if these are recurring incidents I would ask to speak to the room leader and ask them what strategies they have put in place. I would also want to know that the childs parents have also been informed about this behaviour.

There is ususally at least one biter/scratcher/hitter in age 2-3 rooms and they are horrendous to deal with.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 31/03/2011 20:01

It also happens outside nursery settings too, unless you're going to seal your child in a contact free box. What do you think would be achieved from shouting and roaring?

Original poster

Gouged · 31/03/2011 20:01

Oh, just spoke to DH, actually the tiny scratches last week were definitely from one of the little girls, as the staff did mention it to DH at pick up.

No wonder he's reacted so strongly. I thought last week may have been DS's own fingernails.

Well, will definitely address this tomorrow.

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beesimo · 31/03/2011 20:01

WL They are bairns not attack dogs they don't lash out that quick, they don't need one to one 'shadowing' but they do need constant watching.

From the injuries I reckon that baby has been flat on his back with another bairn on top of him going for his face. I wonder OP have you checked the back of his head for bruising?

Megatron · 31/03/2011 20:09

beesimo there are absolutely no grounds to assume that's what happened. And they DO lash out that quickly even while being watched closely and even when you are right next to them.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 31/03/2011 20:27

Happen to DS1 - both under 2 though, he was bitten in wendy house where too many children were in there and obviously hard to monitor what was going on although I was upset that no one was watching more closely as they didn't even know which child had bit my son!

From age 2 the ratio of children to nursery nurse goes up from 3:1 to 4:1 - its difficult to say the least to keep an eye on 4 kids but if the child in question has 'form' then really the nursery HAS to do something about it.

Megatron is right - they need to have produced an incident form on the day it happened - stating what had happened, who (if anyone) had seen what happened, if any medical treatment was required and what measures will be taken to prevent accident/incident again. They sign it and you sign it and each keep a copy.

Kids will be kids and fight/squabble/lash out but persistent 'attacks' that are viscious and leave serious cuts/bruises need to be taken seriously by the nursery.

IMO Am glad you are going to arrange a meeting with the Manager to discuss.

beesimo · 31/03/2011 20:32

Megatron I have been thinking and I have just had a realisation that our experiences are probably totally different. So of course we would have different opinions. Our little playgroups were all bairns who knew each other and the Mams all knew each other too.

When you put a load of bairns together that don't ken each other it must be like putting 40 new chickens together in a hen house there would be a massive amount of scratching and feathers flying until the pecking order was established. Not very nice for the ones getting pecked but I suppose it does lead to people thinking it is the norm for a nursery if that was normal for them to see it. It has just never been my 'normal'.

I stand corrected.

jubilee10 · 31/03/2011 20:40

My Ds(4) was badly bitten (broken skin, bruising etc) by a boy of 5 at nursery. I was naturally upset but it was taken very seriously and the other boys parents involved. They didn't name the other child but ds did - I think he has sn. It hasn't happened again. I would speak to them.

TiggyD · 31/03/2011 20:47

The nursery where I work has a biter. They also will scratch and bite. They have a constant shadow. It is still not enough to guarantee the child will not scratch or bite another child. They can go from playing alongside another child to hurting somebody in literally a quarter of a second. No shadow can react that fast.

I think you should take your child out of the nursery. I think that both parents will always hold the nursery responsible for the injury so there will never be a good and proper relationship between parent and nursery. I also think you will have problems with the next nursery, and the next one, until you realise that sometimes children fight.

(It's also going to be a problem at school too.)

Original poster

Gouged · 31/03/2011 20:55

Tiggy, I know perfectly well that children scratch and bite, and that it can be unprovoked, quick as lightning, and does not mean that the child will grow up to be a sociopath (one hopes).

That's why I was asking the question, because my initial reaction was 'kids will be kids', whereas my DH thought what most people on this thread have said, i.e. that it is unacceptable and requires a serious conversation with a member of staff.

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thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 31/03/2011 22:14

Hi Gouged forgot to ask how's your son doing? Hope it hasn't let it upset him too much

Original poster

Gouged · 01/04/2011 10:30

Thanks thatwouldbe, he fortunately seems unfazed by it and DH said he was pretty willing to go into nursery this morning. They're very resilient aren't they?

I just hope he doesn't pick at the scabs .

OP posts:

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 01/04/2011 20:38

Gouged Bless him - good to hear he's ok!

Hope you don't mind me asking if you managed to arrange a meeting with the Manager yet?

RE scabs: two words - ducktape and oven gloves! Like when Phoebe had chickenpox in Friends

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 01/04/2011 20:39

I can't count - am sure thats four words now!? You know what I mean

Original poster

Gouged · 04/04/2011 15:55

thatwouldbe yes, I spoke to the manager and key worker at Friday pickup and they confirmed it was a different child each time, and that they speak to parents in serious cases, and I think they did this time. They said my DS has a tendency to grab toys and so it's part of the learning process at this age. They also said that the eye area is very sensitive in young children so can swell up and look worse than it is. DS still has two black eyes and keeps scratching the scabs so they are even worse than a few days ago. If he doesn't stop soon I will seriously go for the oven gloves!

I spoke to another dad, whose boy had his cheek scratched the same week, so know it won't be the last time he comes home looking like this!

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