To get rid of my lodger over this?

[flibbertigibbert]

Bit of background info: I have 2 lodgers. I've been a bit unsure about one of them for a while now - he literally never goes out other than to work, and now he's lost his job he's always 'there' which I'm finding a bit much, so I had been considering getting a Monday to Friday lodger instead, but didn't really have the heart to give him notice.

Today, something came up on the news about a gang crime in South London, a couple of miles from our house. He mentioned feeling intimidated by 'black guys' when a group of them walk past. I'm black myself and felt really angry at his comment. I know lots of people think this, but the fact that he said it in front of me really p'd me off. I've heard so many comments like this all my life, but hearing it in my own home is a bit different. I don't believe he's genuinely racist, just ignorant, but it still annoyed me. I'm very timid and not at all assertive, so I've been hiding upstairs in my room all evening because I can't face him (he spends all his time sitting in the living room these days). AIBU to give him a month's notice? He's recently lost his job, so it's unlikely any landlords will want to touch him, which makes me feel even more guilty.

Fabbychic you made these comments on another thread, do you really want to start that all over again??

Did he mean he felt uncomfortable around balck people in general or a particular group who are deliberately trying to intimidate people which he has experienced? Huge difference.

YANBU. I agree that it sounds as if you'd like this to be an excuse to get rid of him because of his lifestyle ? which does sound annoying! No way should you be hiding upstairs in your own house. If you can't share the living room with him he has to go.

If I were you I'd say you need the room back (you don't need to make up an excuse, I don't think), and advertise for/choose your next lodger with care; be detailed about what kind of lifestyle you like, the rooms they can use, etc.

On the other hand ... if you felt like it, you could sit him down for a chat, explain that his comment angered you, and you never know, you might reach an accord ...

Good luck!

Agree you should get rid if its not working out.

I dont think on the basis of his comment he is necessarily racist OR ignorant - just honest. If he feels intimidated, he feels intimidated. Education will not necessarily stop him feeling that way!

Agree tatty

If he makes you feel uncomfortable, get rid and yanbu.

However, I am white and DP is black. I know I can say things/ask questions of him that I wouldn't dare ask anyone else because I feel comfortable with him. The best example of this is when I used the term half-caste, not realising he found it offensive. Obviously, I apologised when he told me it's a racist term, and this is the first time I've used it since, purely for illustrative purposes.

Maybe, the guy made an innocent mistake and didn't realise he was being offensive? You must know him quite well, so perhaps you could take the opportunity to explain how offensive he was.

I've had similar.
Give him notice in writing. No money is worth feeling uncomfortable in your own home.
End of.

Hi Flibbertigibbet,

I have lodgers a lot and make it clear from the outset that they're renting a room and not sharing my house. In other words, I don't want them lounging around on my sofa! Even when advertising I make sure to say 'room for rent' and not 'house-share'. Lodger has chair, table, desk, bed, television, wi-fi access etc., so they are comfortable and they also know when they can use the kitchen (anytime), bathroom (not between 6.30-7 a.m. cos I have to leave for work early), washing machine (max. 3 times a week and not for a single pair of socks!) These ground rules have been developed over the years in response to 'issues' that have arisen and I tend to get on well with my lodgers.

If you live close to a language school, students might be your answer because their stays are time-limited. I do this every summer. The money is alright and you meet some lovely young people.

With regard to your present lodger, I'd give him a month's notice, explaining that you need the room back (no need to tell him why). I wouldn't like an out of work lodger either. I've had one and my electricity bills rocketed when he stopped work and spent all day in his room with an electric heater on, playing on his playstation!

Good luck.

What's coming through to me is the fact that he's always there and you feel the need to hide away.

I don't care if someone can pay their rent, I would not feel comfortable about a lodger who was there 24/7 without any work or social life taking them outside. It can be intensely irritating.

Give him his notice. You don't have to say anything more than you don't think it's working out.