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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't want to buy Gin

30 replies

Magrathea · 30/03/2011 14:38

OK my usual reply to this post would be I am being absolutely unreasonable and Gin should always be bought (especially for me) but I have a special case.

My MIL and her partner are coming to stay at the weekend, she called the other night and asked if they could stay and dont get me wrong we are delighted to have them as they live a long way away and because of the distance she has only seen DS once since he was born eight months ago.

The thing is she drinks a lot of Gin and tonic and it is her only real tipple (she wont drink wine or beer) - she is one of that generation who start the evening with a large G&T and has done since she could drink she'll then go on to have another and sometimes another (I have even known her get a bit ratty if the G&T is delayed). She is never drunk and disorderly and I wouldnt have any problems with her around DS as he will be well in bed before it takes effect.

DH and I are properly, truly skint at the moment and just buying in the food supplies for the weekend are going to be expensive enough without adding a bottle of Gin (even supermarket) and a load of tonic to the shopping list. MILs partner likes wine and beer like myself and DH so I would have to buy that as well racking up the bill even further. We havent been buying it for ourselves lately nevermind anyone else.

We are quite private and dont want them to know how skint we are and it will look really odd if we dont have some alcohol in the house to go with meals - esp Sunday lunch, but I cant get away with just buying the beer and wine (on a very cheap deal) and not the gin but I dont want to spend money we havent really got.

We are both atheists so I cant even say we have given up alcohol for lent!

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 30/03/2011 14:40

Could you just say you forgot and hope that she takes the hint and nips out to the Spar?

marmaladetwatkins · 30/03/2011 14:40

Tough cack for her! You are not a hotel. She will have to bring her own gin and don't feel bad for her. :)

whoamamma · 30/03/2011 14:41

Buy the cheapest, rankest gin available (as cheap as beer/wine would be). This way she gets her fix, but also realises she'll need to stock up on the Bombay Sapphire herself next time .
Or give her just tonic water and pretend there's gin in it. See if she notices.

talkingnonsense · 30/03/2011 14:41

Could you get a half bottle? Especially if it's on offer somewhere?

Chil1234 · 30/03/2011 14:43

Be more honest about the finances. You don't have to give chapter and verse on your bank account contents but it's pretty common for people with young families to be on a tight budget and there's no shame in admitting it. Then ask her if she wouldn't mind bringing whatever she'd prefer to drink....

Scuttlebutter · 30/03/2011 14:46

Oh, for heavens sake. Give her a call and tell her to bring some gin with her. You can get those premixed G & Ts in Marks - tell her to buy a brace of those and stick them in the fridge when she arrives. Most houseguests are only too happy to contribute something. She's your MIL, not the Queen Mum.

And lots of people (my DH for one) give up stuff for lent and he's not a churchgoing signed up Christian - you won't get smoted (?sp) by a lightning bolt for that.

Original poster

Magrathea · 30/03/2011 14:51

Kreecher - he he, I'm liking your thinking, do you think I could do that for the Sunday roast as well

OP posts:

Hammy02 · 30/03/2011 14:53

Whenever we have people to stay, they almost always bring drink with them. Usually far more than we would ever get through. Nothing to do with finances, it is just a polite gesture. We would never turn up to someone's house expecting all of our whims to be catered for. As someone else said, you aren't a hotel.

microfight · 30/03/2011 14:57

yes just say you haven't got time to get any in and you've already done your internet shop so could she bring down any drink that they might want. I'm sure she'll be more than happy to bring something down.

AccioPinotGrigio · 30/03/2011 14:57

Would she not bring her own? My family members with a penchant/urgent need for specific spirits will always bring a bottle when they come to stay. But then we are rather declasse at times. Could you not buy a half bottle for a kick off and then when it runs out she might buy her own?

Alternatively, get an empty bottle of Plymouth Gin and then fill it with Asda's own brand.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 30/03/2011 15:40

yabu - it is your duty as a hostess to make your guests feel valued.

Put it on your credit card this one time.

NettoSuperstar · 30/03/2011 15:42

Buy her some meths and be done with it

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 30/03/2011 15:52

Can you really not just buy the cheapest supermarket stuff -ASDA value or something? If you only see her rarely its not that big an ask, and minimise the Sunday lunch to value also?

FabbyChic · 30/03/2011 15:55

I would not buy luxuries for guests if I could not afford it, and drinking alcohol is a luxury and the first thing that should be stopped if money is tight.

givemushypeasachance · 30/03/2011 15:59

Don't drive yourself to debt to cater for a guest's whims - if she finds herself medically needing a G&T then she can supply it herself. You're already putting her up and feeding her on a tight budget. I'd say just be honest and say that things are tight at the moment so you're cutting back on luxuries - anyone with an ounce of empathy should accept that sort themselves out.

Mandy2003 · 30/03/2011 16:02

I agree with #1 - say sorry you forgot!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 30/03/2011 16:06

What does your DH think? Why don't you give the problem to him, that's what i'd be tempted to do personally.

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 30/03/2011 16:17

you can't be expected to buy wine AND beer AND gin on a tight budget.

however, I don't think you can maintain your secrecy about things being tight unless you are prepared to pay for it; or rather, you can, but then you risk looking mean.
it's an expensive business, this keeping up of appearances.

I mean, you have 3 choices:

you get it even though you can't afford it
you don't get it and tell her why
you don't get it and don't tell her why.

which one of these things you do just depends which of these three things is worth least to you:

not being in debt
her not knowing you are short of money
her not thinking you are mean

E320 · 30/03/2011 16:23

Could you not just ask her to bring her supply with her as you don't normally have gin in the house?
I mean, do you know what brand of gin she likes? Rocket fuel or really posh (expensive stuff)? There is a HUGE difference in price.
It's not as if you would be offering pre-dinner G&Ts to everyone, it is her tipple of choice, so quite reasonable to ask her to bring her own (I hope).

LaWeasel · 30/03/2011 16:32

Just say you've been cutting down on booze (without elaborating why) and forgot!

If it matters that much she will go and get it herself.

ThingOne · 30/03/2011 16:34

Can't you "forget" as DS is sleeping so badly/tiring you out/blah-di-blah, and then get her to pop to the corner shop when she arrives? Can you not come over all shocked and "Oh I can't believe I forgot?" at gin o'clock?

MorticiaAddams · 30/03/2011 16:38

I don't think it's fair to buy wine and beer but not the gin. Can't you just have wine or beer instead of both and get a small bottle of gin?

If you really can't afford it then just don't buy alcohol and be honest why.

We always take alcohol with us if we're visiting somebody, don't they bring anything with them?

QuickLookBusy · 30/03/2011 16:50

Agree with Morticia, you can't buy wine and beer and not get some gin, that would be a bit mean.

If you really can't afford it you will have to bite the bullet and make DH tell them. I don't think they will mind at all.

I'm sure your MIL would much rather bring her own favourite brand rather than sit and drink cheap stuff. I know I would

WannabeNigella · 30/03/2011 17:05

I think you need to buy some, you said yourself you are looking forward to having her etc.

I know it's a pain if money is tight but if you get a half bottle you could offset at least one bottle of wine she would have drank in the absence of gin against it.

paddypoopants · 30/03/2011 17:16

Is there an Aldi near you? Apparently the Aldi Oliver Cromwell 1599 which is £8.99 a bottle won best gin at some international drinks competition. Their tonic is cheap and tastes fine as well.

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