DP and I have one son - just turned 4. Initially we only wanted the one (DP has 2 from previous marriage) then 2 years ago we decided we would stop using contraception and if I fell pregnant, then great. Now this a lovely plan if you are in your 20s. I am 39, DP is 49, I am not going to fall pregnant like that. Sadly.
I now REALLY would love to have another child and I feel a lot of pressure - our ages and DS getting older, big age gap etc but DP just doesn't seem to get this. I have asked him whether he wants another child and he says yes but I know he does not want one in the same way I do.
Each month (I am now the proud owner of a cbfm) there seems to be a problem come O day - he works shifts so often there is late finish/early start or he is tired/feeling poorly or DS is poorly or we have sex and - TMI warning - he doesn't actually come inside me. I can feel the anxiety building in me each month as I think 'are we actually going to have sex on the right days this time' and I feel so resentful when, yet again, we miss the window.
I am sure DP knows how I feel but I don't want to keep going on about it as it is such a passion killer. How can I make him realise that, at our age, it ain't just gonna happen unless we put in a bit of effort - eg. have sex on the right days even if it is a bit inconvenient, or whatever? Without making the whole ttc thang totally joyless!!
Sorry rant over. It is so hard to talk about these things in RL though. I have also posted in Conception.
AIBU?
To feel like I'm TTC singlehandedly
runningtostandstill · 30/03/2011 09:28
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
In haste (currently under the boot of an evil boss), but didn't want to read and not post - pal, you're not alone. We've been TTCing for 15/16 months now, with no joy. All the problems you have outlined are ours too. I guess I want to reassure you that you're not alone, and also that it doesn't mean that he doesn't want another child. My DH is desperate for a child but he also works 12 hours shifts, often at night, in the emergency services (not absolutely designed to make you feel all lusty and romantic 
) and has managed to have a foul cold about every other week all this year.
We have found ways to tackle it and some months are great, full of shagging and fun. Some months (like this one!) we are unlikely to have sex at all, let alone the kind that gets yer up the duff.
So yes. Erm. No actual advice from me but just to say that a lot of us are going through it and try not to think this means he doens't want another child. It might I suppose, but not necessarily. You don't need that stress added to the stress of TTC!
Good luck pal.
Ah, those whisky-drinkers! I set it up then bolted: I felt rather a fraud, because life at present is so absurdly hectic that I am barely ever indoors, never mind on me back, legs a-kimbo 
. The plus side of that is that am I not brooding or miserable as I might otherwise be - I simply haven't the time, if you see what I mean. I've know people, in RL and on MN, in absurd flights of hysterical misery and self-reproach because they haven't conceived in 8 months. I have sympathy of course, but my main bit of advice (if I were ever asked!) would be to keep life as full as possible on every other front. It will leave you less time for unhappiness, which will make you less anxious and tense, which will make your relationship less stressed, which will make sex more likely . Er, I realise that's tough to achieve, and comes perilously close to 'relax and it'll happen', but it's helping prevent me from flinging myself onto the carpet, thumping it with my fists and howling "Where's my baybeeeeeeeeeeeeee" etc. etc. (I do have 24 hour slots of that when my sodding period comes, but generally I'm quite chipper!).
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