dont know what to do with my 11year old

10 replies

minder1 · 30/03/2011 07:41

im having problems with my 11 year old son, we have been doing parenting courses, on and off from him being about 7, they worked great what we were told for a few years till he got older, weve done one recently and have got help with a parent liason afficer at school but nothing seems to be helping, he is very angry all the time and is always hurting his younger brother and ive had to split him n his older sister up from fighting on numerous occassions, he lies and steels all the time, gets into trouble at school, he rude to his teachers and yesterday was put in isolation at school for his behaviour, he talks to me as though i dont exist ond ignores hes not as bad with his dad but its gettin that way. :(
i hate going anywhere with him because if he doesnt get his own way he has a massive tantrum like a 2 yr old and causes arguments between his brother n sister,
we have had a family breakdown last yr, my husband has been ill for quite a few yrs and had a transplant 4 yrs ago,he has had problems with some bullies at school but have had them sorted.
i really dont know what to do with him i feel like giving up cause things are getting worse, we are moving at the end of april for a new start , job and hopefully a better life for us all but im worried that his behaviuor isnt going to improve and hell get kicked out of his new school.
we have tried allsorts of punishments for his behaviuor but nothing seems to bother him hell just go and trash the bedroom which is unfair as his brother stuff gets broken in the process..... please id like some advice i really dont know wot else to do

OP posts:

Chil1234 · 30/03/2011 07:55

If you're tackling the psychological side with external help, you could have a look at the physical side. What's his diet like, for example? There have been a lot of studies done on the interaction between nutrition and behaviour. A famous one involving prisoners concluded that there was a very big correlation between a poor diet and aggressive behaviour. The other aspect to try is to find outlets for him to be 'a man'... activities where he can take some responsibility for himself and others, perhaps. Some boys that age find organisations like Scouts or similar are a good way to develop their personalities because they have to be well-behaved to join i and there's lots of interesting, energetic stuff to keep them engaged. Good luck

onceamai · 30/03/2011 08:03

I don't have much advice to give, but could you get him referred to Cams via your GP for professional counselling. I'm sorry you are having such a bad time.

Blatherskite · 30/03/2011 08:06

My friends 11 year old is grumpy, moody and agressive - he's also quite short for his age - she took him to the doctors and they've diagnosed him with an under active thyroid. The doctor says this could be responsible for his agression and moodiness. She's waiting for his tablets to kick in now to see if it makes a change

anewyear · 30/03/2011 08:10

Sorry cant help, going thro similar probs with my 12 DS, ours also been going on since he was in year1.

Onceamai - Cams? via the GP? what is this?
No one has mentioned Cams to us?
We've been told by the school that apparently we cant get Ed Psych thro school, as the child has to be Statemented?

RunAwayWife · 30/03/2011 08:19

BOARDING SCHOOL!!!!

No really I would ask the school / GP to refure you to CHAMS and speak with the school Senco

RunAwayWife · 30/03/2011 08:20

CAMHS even

Happylander · 30/03/2011 08:22

Child and Adolescent Mental Health Team. Your GP can refer particularly if it is affecting school and home life so severely.

lesley33 · 30/03/2011 08:33

What about family therapy? He is clearly very angry and a good family therapist would help you get to the root of this. He may not know himself why he is so angry. May be able to get this via cams don't know?

A parent liaison officer can be helpful, but may not have enough training to totally solve this problem.

What about your husband allocating a bit of time every week to do "man" type things with him? For example, football, fishing, mountain biking, etc. You can always tell the other 2 that when they get to his age they will get the same privilege.

Won't totally solve it, but one of the problems is that when kids are so badly behaved they are often crying out for attention, but because they are badly behaved all they get is negative attention. Perfectly understandable, but it is worth trying to build in space like this to give himn some positive attention.

Would he respond to some responsibility. For example getting him a dog to look after? Don't do this if you think there is a chance he could hurt the dog. But sometimes older children who may still need cuddles, etc feel too old to get this from a parent; but can instead get this from a dog. I think it would only have a chance of working though if it is "his" dog, not the family dog. And don't get a puppy - lovely though they are they are too much work for an 11 year old.
Good luck.

anewyear · 31/03/2011 11:03

Sorry to hi jack your thread OP,
How will CAMHS be able to help us?
What Do they do?
What can they do?

I hve a parent support officer, Its good to have someone there to help me cope, but unfortunatly most of what shes suggested, I am doing/all ready tried

GypsyMoth · 31/03/2011 11:09

CAMHS can access alot of help. my dd got counselling and a psych referral

the way we got it through school was via a CAF report.

Flip