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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that he keeps calling me by another woman's name?

30 replies

KatieWatie · 29/03/2011 13:39

This isn't my DH but my best friend (a male, I'm female).

I've known him for 5 years. He's been with his gf for just under a year now and persistantly calls me by her name, especially when we're arguing. They begin with the same letter but is it really that hard to differentiate?

I find it so insulting, like he can't be bothered realising that he's now spending time with me instead of her and we're just interchangeable people. I have never EVER called him by my DH's name...

I never made a fuss about it because I thought he would get out of the habit once their relationship bedded in, but we've fallen out over some other stuff and I threw it in there at him whilst I was hurling insults (might as well, right?).

Is it a man thing? And would you be upset if this happened continually, or should I just accept it and ignore it?

OP posts:
poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 13:40

I hope he's not calling his girlfriend by YOUR name... much more trouble Grin

nectarina · 29/03/2011 13:41

I think it means he loves you.

MeRightYouWrongMeBigYouSmall · 29/03/2011 13:42

accept and ignore.

are you jealous of friend and his relationship?

my gran goes through all my cousins names before she gets to me, in fact so does my niece.

Hamless IMO

bran · 29/03/2011 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
KatieWatie · 29/03/2011 13:47

Not jealous no!! Did it come over like that in my post? Very very glad he's found someone :) Just wish he'd get my name right!

I'm pretty sure he won't call her by my name (that really would be trouble)... he did used to call me by his ex-wife's name when we argued. Perhaps he's just used to arguing with women and automatically inserts a default name in of whoever he's having regular arguments with seeing at the time

OP posts:
SherlockMoans · 29/03/2011 13:50

I dont think I could be bothered to be "friends" with someone I argue with - too much like hard work, unless you are the sort of person who argues with everyone?

ElsieOops · 29/03/2011 13:53

I was wondering how often one should argue with a best friend.

Reality · 29/03/2011 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TotemPole · 29/03/2011 13:54

I wouldn't worry. My mum often goes through every name before she gets to mine. Including my dad's and my brother's.

I hope he's not calling his girlfriend by YOUR name... much more trouble

Especially if he did it in the middle of roodies.

Spangers · 29/03/2011 13:55

I think it's harmless, although I wouldn't want to be the girlfriend if he's calling her by your name! Grin

My sister and I have 2 syllable names beginning with the same letter, we have learnt to answer to either name as it's just easier, although sometimes we get a strange hybrids of both names, still haven't worked out who is being referred to there! And this is from our own mother who gave us the names in the first place so I wouldn't worry

colditz · 29/03/2011 13:55

Some people do this. One of my close friends calls me by other people's names before she settles on mine. My father does it, and when we were children he would address ALL of us as "Colditz-DD2-ds-DogsName-Sister'sName-Bloody hellfire!"

JessicaDrew · 29/03/2011 13:58

could be worse and he has it tattooed on his chest
so its all you can see when he is ermmm on top of you in bed lol

TragicallyHip · 29/03/2011 14:05

How often do you argue?

I wouldn't find it insulting!

TragicallyHip · 29/03/2011 14:05

I've never heard it called roodies before! Grin

HecateTheCrone · 29/03/2011 14:13

When he does it, reply to him and add your husband's / partner's / whatever name.

And every time he calls you by her name, you reply with that one.

Original poster
KatieWatie · 29/03/2011 14:22

Hecate excellent suggestion - I will implement it with immediate effect

And I know I make it sound like we argue all the time, we don't really - it's just a 'dysfunctional' phase we're going through!

OP posts:
CalmInsomniac · 29/03/2011 14:23

Don't know if it's a man thing, more just a personality thing. My brother always calls me by his wife's name (and I was around before her!) and when I'm around, he calls her by my name... stoopid man. I'm just used to it now.
Also I made a similar mistake with my DH when we were first going out, I was always calling him by my male housemate/friend's name, both began with J so were easy to confuse!

Mamaz0n · 29/03/2011 14:24

i call my DS by my DB;s name and vice versa. it doesn't mean a thing.

Loie159 · 29/03/2011 14:26

would you but upset if you female friend called you by her sisters name occassionally? Personally I think it is odd to have a friend that you argue with so much that you are "hurling insults". Im not going off on a tangent but I think your attitude to the friendship in general may be why you find him getting you name wrong so upsetting....? If he was a female friend you would just sureley think she was stressed, tired, a bit dizzy and not feel the need to throw it out there as a "man" thing. It seems like your relationship is not based on the same foundations and possibly your female ones - hence you saying that you feel him being with you or his girlfriend is interchangeable.... again would you say that about your female friend and her sister / mum / other female friend? So YABU becuase I think its a bit weird tbh

gysela · 29/03/2011 14:29

DH calls me by his Ex's (now best friend) name and calls her mine. When we are all in the same room I sometimes find it difficult to know for sure which one of us he is talking to. It doesnt upset me, makes me laugh. I like her though and dont think she is a threat. I bet I will not be laughing if she wasnt such a nice woman

Original poster
KatieWatie · 29/03/2011 14:43

Loie Yes I'd be just as upset at a female friend not knowing my name if she did it continually, and I'd start to think I didn't matter to her that much. "Hurling insults" was me being a bit tongue in cheek, obviously it didn't come across that way! We have an excellent friendship that is going through a bit of a bad patch like some/(all?) friendships do regardless of the gender of those involved...

My question wasn't really asking people to judge my friendship which we are both generally happy with (maybe we just like arguing, why else would I be here!)

I just think it's downright rude tbh and I would if it was a female, but I'm really careful to get people's names right and use them often so they feel valued by me.

I guess I'm being unreasonable then and I'll just accept and ignore. Thanks all for the responses.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 29/03/2011 15:51

My brother sometimes refers to his wife by my name...weirdy boy....

FlorenceCalamityandJoanofArc · 29/03/2011 15:56

of course its not a man thing, whatever the hell that is.

Hassled · 29/03/2011 15:58

I call my children by the pets' names. They don't seem to mind unduly.
And if I'm reading an email from say, Bob, and Harry rings up I'll call him Bob. Your friend sounds pretty normal by my skewed standards - I think you should cut him some slack.

HecateTheCrone · 29/03/2011 16:13

Hassled - my mum used to call me Sally.

Sally was the cat.