Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is 4 too young for a sleepover

28 replies

whoneedssleepanyway · 29/03/2011 12:01

DD1 has been invited for a sleepover at a friends house. She has slept away from home before at her grandma's but nowhere else. The family live very close and are very good friends of ours. She is normally a good sleeper but I am still just feeling a little unsure of this....weirdly I would be absolutely fine about her having the friend to stay with us ....I'm just being precious about this aren't I?

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 29/03/2011 12:04

Not being precious at all.

DS was 4yo when he had his first sleep over. He had a great time and has had many since.

Although one time, he did say, "Last night I woke up and was missing you and was really sad, but I cried really quietly so that I wouldn't waken my friend".

That didn't really help you, did it? :)

lesley33 · 29/03/2011 12:06

As he lives so close I would let him do it on the understanding with the parents that I would collect him at once if he upset or unhappy.

Nefret · 29/03/2011 12:09

It is a very personal decision. I wouldn't let my 4 year old or even my nearly 7 year old go for a sleepover but they are not really very good sleepers anyway, they wont even go to sleep for their Grandma, it has to be mummy or daddy.

What does your DD think about it?

valiumredhead · 29/03/2011 12:14

We started doing sleepovers when ds was 7 - now they seem to be a fortnightly event! Grin

At 4 he'd just slept at his Granny's house.

Totally depends how you feel and how you think your child will cope. Personally I think it's a very good thing to encourage as you don't know when you might need friends to help out in an emergency.

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 29/03/2011 12:21

Thanks all.

Hmmm - I haven't mentioned it to DD yet as I know she will love the idea and so didn't want her to get over excited about it or disappointed if it didn't happen.

I think I will just go with it, worst case scenario I have to run round there in my PJs in the middle of the night, I could be there in less than 5 mins...!

She can take her small zoo of cuddly toys with her to make her feel at home.

Just makes her feel so grown up and not my baby anymore.

OP posts:
nikki1978 · 29/03/2011 12:26

I think 4 is pretty young but it depends how well your DD knows the child and parents. My DD is 6 and went to a sleepover at 5 but that was with my best friends daughter and DD has known them all since she was a baby and is very close to them.

If a school friend asked at this stage I would say no.

CMOTdibbler · 29/03/2011 12:30

DS had never slept away from us before his first sleepover at 4- and he loves it. This is his v v v best friend, and they adore each other though. Each sleepover, they have been asleep by 8, and no problems at all. Only problem is that they want to do them all the time now

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 29/03/2011 12:31

We know them really well, DH and I are very good friends with her parents and DD has known her all her life and she is her best friend.

I agree nikki that I wouldn't be even considering it if it was someone I didn't know very well.

Am feeling a teensy bit better about this.

OP posts:
Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 29/03/2011 12:32

Other thing DD shares a room with her sister at home so is used to sharing a room with another child so think that should be ok too. When we have stayed the entire family at friends houses before and DD has shared a room with another child she has always been pretty good and it has been the other little ones who aren't used to sharing who want to be up and playing...

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 29/03/2011 12:33

I just dont get the sleepover thing at all. We never did it as children. We played with our friends, then went home to our own beds. And 4 is definately too young unless it is at a relatives house.

kidzrfreaky · 29/03/2011 12:49

if your child is up for it let her go. You and the hosts are good friends, and live close by, so there would be no problem with dd coming home if she becomes unsettled or upset - whatever the time.

SardineQueen · 29/03/2011 13:01

They are good friends of yours, I would do it yes. I look on my close friends as being as close as family TBH and although DD hasn't stayed away at GPs house (they don't do overnight!) I would not have any qualms. DD is v independent and a good sleeper and is only not 4 for 3 months but I would let her go if she wanted to (and was asked!) now. Only to this one friend mind - the mum is my best friend, the boy is DDs best friend, she has been to their house loads etc etc. and she is v independent and a good sleeper.

SardineQueen · 29/03/2011 13:03

It's a "you know your own child best" question isn't it.

Whatever you think is almost certainly the right answer Smile

Apologies as well on rereading my post I realise it is almost incoherent.

TattyCatty · 29/03/2011 13:05

If it's with close friends that you know and trust, and you are confident that your DD will be happy to see her friend's mummy rather than you in the night if she gets upset, then I think it is fine. We had DD's friend over last summer when they were around 4.5, and apart from the inevitable bombsite of a bedroom and giggling long past bedtime, they had an absolute ball! We also looked after another friend's DS whilst she was giving birth to his brother at the tender age of 2, and he was also absolutely fine.

colditz · 29/03/2011 13:07

in this situation i would let her go and be ready to collect if necessary.

wishingchair · 29/03/2011 13:10

My DDs both went to stay at a friend's house ... they were 4 (just) and 7. They had a great time. My 4 year old REALLY wanted to go. If she'd been wobbly, I wouldn't have sent her.

dipsymum · 29/03/2011 14:50

Although neither of my DDs (2 and 4) have been on sleepovers friends of there's aged 2 and 4 have stayed over at ours on several occasions which went very well. Their first sleepover apart from at Nanny's is a wedding is June where they will be staying with one of my best friends whose daughter has also stayed at ours, am slightly concerned about someone else putting them to bed but know once they are asleep there won't be any problems at all and they are both very excited by it already!

GooseyLoosey · 29/03/2011 14:51

I would if it was a close family friend who both the child and I felt comfortable with and I trusted.

Stricnine · 29/03/2011 15:00

My DD went away with a very good friend to their holiday cottage for two nights at the age of 5 ... and loved it! she had done GPs before that... she's now 14 and has done several residential trips (and sleepovers) and thoroughly enjoys them ... has said on several occaisions that she likes knowing she can "cope with being away" .. still likes to come home though :)

foreverondiet · 29/03/2011 16:25

Depends on child. My 4 year old DS1 has done a sleep-over at friends and was fine, but at DD's first sleepover aged 6 I had to go and get her at 11pm.

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 31/03/2011 12:17

Well it went ahead and was absolutely fine, she is tired today as they didn't go to sleep until about 10pm (normally she is asleep by 8 latest) and had to be woken up this morning and other than a tiny wobble at 830 when she said she missed mummy she was fine, the two of them slept without a peep for the rest of the night!

OP posts:
Bumperlicioso · 31/03/2011 12:30

DD1 is 3 and my lovely friend with a son the same age took her for the night when I was struggling with DD2. She had a great time. Hat's off to my friend, not sure I would do it, but I think that given that she just has the one DC and the rest of us now have two she has taken on the mantle of helper in chief. Plus she's just one of life's 'doers' while I am one of life's 'rather be sleeping-ers' Grin

flyingspaghettimonster · 31/03/2011 18:29

It's a personal decision - we only had our first sleep over for both our 4 and 7 year old last weekend - until then it had only been sleepovers with grandparents. I refused point blank for my daughter to sleep over at her friends house two years ago because they had an above ground pool and she couldn't swim - I knew I wouldn't sleep a wink for fear that she might sneak out in the morning and drown.

Only you know if he is ready - I can tell you though, that I was amazed how good all the kids were at their sleepover - the two just-turned-5 year old boys were conked in 10 minutes and didn't make a peep all night. Same with the 7 year olds! Although the little friend who wears pull ups in bed at night told me in the morning he didn't pee his pants because he didn't want me to shout - I would never have shouted, not sure why he thought I would :-(

Good luck loosening the apron strings - it is nice when you can relax while they are gone...

SooooCynical · 31/03/2011 18:43

It depends on the child and if she's already sleptover elsewhere before it shouldn't really be a problem.

My youngest was 5 when he had his first sleepover and it was purely for practical reasons that he was asked to sleepover as his friend lives some distance away. however it was agreed that I would speak to him as the evening progressed to ensure he was still happy with the idea (he was very enthusuiastic about the idea from the outset). I even said if it was 2 in the morning I'd come and get him him if there was a problem.

In fact it was so successful they rang to ask if he could stay for lunch the following day rather than coming home straight after breakfast.

TheSecondComing · 31/03/2011 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread