to be worried about DH's reaction?

[LoopyLiz88]

DH's nan was taken off the feeding tube and things on Friday and we were all expecting her to pass over the weekend. She passed away today and DH doesn't seem bothered by it. He didn't even leave work to be with his dad. He's home now and is watching the news like he always done. I just don't understand why he isn't upset. His nan has been sick for years and hasn't known who anyone was for the past 5 but still.

Sorry to your family for their loss. My DP was the same when hs grandma died. She too didnt know who anyone was and I think he let go of 'Grandma' he knew and loved years before! But at the funeral he shed a tear so it might sink in then.

Don;t worry, different people react in different ways, maybe he's already said his goodbye.

He also might react to it later, just support him if he does and don;t try and make him conform to your idea of grieving.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. :(

Cher is right, the reaction may kick in later, it does happen like that sometimes. It can take a while for emotions to catch up when you're dealing with sad times.

I'd probably react the same tbf. I have remained completely unaffected (in that my behaviour has not changed, obviously it registers and I'm sad etc) by anyones death that I have known bar one.

People just deal with things differently.

If it's any help, my Dad died 3 years ago. He also had undergone a slow decline, and didn't recognise anyone in the last couple of years of his life. I found I had done a lot of my grieving while he was still alive, seeing him not really being the same person IYKWIM. When he did eventually die, I felt like I had grieved already, but many people may have wondered why I didn't appear too affected at the time of his death. I hope this helps.

He probably has already done his grieving, when you know someone is going to pass after a long illness it becomes a blessing when they go because they are no longer suffering.

Everybody deals with grief in a different way.

It may not be that he's not bothered by it, more that he's already done the majority of his mourning, in advance. My Grandmother died after a very difficult summer when she was in and out of hospital etc., and we all knew that it was going to be soon. So it wasn't a shock when it happened, and much of the mourning had been done in advance. In fact, in some ways, it was a relief - she was no longer suffering, and we were no longer sitting around 'waiting' for her to die.
There are moments, now, when I miss her enormously. And I think of her often, and wish, WISH she was still around - but I wish that the old her was still around, not her at the end when she was so ill and in so much pain.
But at her time of death, all I really thought was 'oh', and I carried on with life.

Please don't think your DH is heartless. He's probably been mourning for at least the last five years.

DH has just gotten upset with the children because they didn't know who he was talking about when he told them she had died.

I wasnt upset by any of my grandparents passing over. They all lived to big ages, had full lives, and were in very poor health when they died.

My Nan died last year aged 90 and to be honest I was glad she was no longer in pain. She didn't like being old and bedridden so although I miss her and love her I don't regret her passing and have wonderful memories of the wonderful Grandmother she was.

DD2 was born four weeks ago and I have named her after my Nan - a much more fitting tribute to her wonderful life than tears would have been.

He is probably a bit numb - denial and anger are all aprt of grief. Very few people handle it well - it hits everyone differntly. Maybe guide him a little - maybe suggest he goes to see his Dad?