on naughtiness at childminder

[franksadad]

Hi, I just need some opinion or advice on what to do or say.

I'm a single dad, have been since ds was 4 months old (now just over2). Recently mum has, for some reason, taken an interest and she asked if she could have him one night a week, which was quite surprising but I agreed with a smile. Saturday night has been her night for the passed couple of months and I've been taking full advantage of nights off

He goes to the most fantastic childminder but since he's been going to his mums she's said that he's not been his usual self. Playing rough with other kids and baby, off food, crying, wanting bottle all the time etc.. Throughout the week he gets better and by Friday he's perfect again but then the weekend comes...

The 2 weekends just gone she must be losing interest again as she's not picked him up and minder reports no change and perfectly happy boy..
I don't want to think I should stop him going although she is kind of one of those mums you hear the girls in the office talking about "You'll never guess this woman on Jeremy Kyle".. and whatnot

..Wow essay! Sorry!

oh.. background info she has dd-8 and ds-4

Gosh. Well, it is probably very disruptive for him - but not to say it should be stopped. I think you need some proper professional advice really - health visitor, social worker, that kind of thing...

I think he is probably just reacting due the emotions he feels by seeing his Mum. She is there parenting her other dc whilst he mainly lives with you. As he gets older it will be easier as you can talk to him about how seeing Mum makes him feel - good feelings and bad feelings.

Sounds very tricky!

Is it possible the child minder is imagining this? It's just that your son went back to 'normal' awfully quickly. Perhaps he was just out of sorts for whatever reason but it coincided with seeing his Mum?

I don't know the back story but what a shame if she seems to be losing interest - it sounds as though he could do with more contact and regular.
What do you think it is? Overtired? Overwhelmed? Insecurity?

Well done you! You sound like an amazing Dad. Agree with Tatty, think HV or SS would be best people to ask for advice.

Keep going though - sounds like your doing a wonderful job in very difficult circumstances

I think it might be a bit early to involve ss or hv. I've had involvement with them before when mum was under investigation they came here a couple of times for my opinion and check her other son (mine) was ok. Hopefully it is just because it's new.

He could be overwhelmed at the contrast in lifestyle over there although I don't know how he is being treated esp when he comes back playing rough with other children.. which is the bit that worries me!

thanks ohhappyday! made my happy day :)

Bless you Frank - By the sounds of things though I wouldn't hesitate to stop contact if you even have the slightest doubt wee one is not being parented or looked after properly. It may be that mum can only have supervised contact. Sorry this may sound harsh but I would definately seek professional advice.

In some cases contact can do more harm than good. Especially if she is inconsistent with access arrangements and has very different parenting standards.

His emotional/physical well being should come before anything else.

Best Wishes - your boy's blessed by a caring dad.